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Monday, November 8, 2010

ponder...

WHat type of thought is this? a little empty...will i go back to my past? will I?
Can i chose? is there any opt button? i think this is worth pondering...
for which is me, which is supposed to be me...is it who i am now? or the past?...

Friday, November 5, 2010

beauty

BEAUTY

How would one define beauty? By appearance? hair do? or expansive clothing?

Okay, I sounds like the speaking test questions in muet. Alright, you get me anyway..do you?

These days, no, actually is today(i m good in exagerating am i? haha)... i question myself, on how would a person judge another? by any means i mentioned above.....? I wonder.This returns the question bck to me. How would people feel? how would people judge me? Does it matter? Will it matter? I don't knw.
For me, i feel the appearance matter but, only fr the first impression. I believe more on personality, individuality, feelings on permanent impressions.
It lies in the way a person naturally are, how they are themselves. The beauty shows when an individual show who are they inside. who are they when they act as they are.
especially with whom indeed. =)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

1stly...PENANG VACATION!!!

WHOA!
gimme a sec...
This is too fast.
way too fast.
top on the beat, right here. yup.
Froze the time for a sec, gimme a little time.
thats right.

---

Dont cha agree with me that time do fly? or it teleports?
whichever comes first.
I m on hols now, well recently until i got the news my hols will be extended.
sure
fun but MUET is just around the corner.
Its getting on my nerves as well.
okok, first things first.

From my history of the moulded vacation to Penang,
(dun blame me fr too late ya, really hectic..XD)
i couldnt jot down all, but enough to let ya njoy sum pichas...

It was fun! seriously, with Adrian n Pei Ee becoming our tourguide,
we manage to make the most out of out trip n not goin around in circles..
zzz we travel around by bus...reli a lot...though tiring, but worth it..
.thanks to zhi yung's parents fr the rooms too...^^
me, she mei, june, jia row,avan, zhi yung,kok ming
,khang chuan,adrian, pei ee, jia ting,wei ting
are all in this vacation.
Super fun going with them...can't stp laughing n talking crap..
HAHA no joke...really...

And the cinema tour was fun, when we walk bck almost midnite...real gud experience...^^

The food was superb...okok...i guess i let the pictures show you
as a picture worth a thousand words...^^








~me n jia row on the ferry...^^~



~you see? kmp students...wahaha ~
~in kek lok si temple... yes, i know the bag is very prominent...~


~me n avan...^^~

HAHA. trying to operate the weighing machine...=='






~us in the cable car...^^~
~on the ferry...lalala ~




~me n she mei...yes, my hair is in a mess...~

~picturesque scenery huh. worth taking...^^~

~aftr a few tries, we stil couldnt take the background pic, but its ok, me n june stil in...^^~






~mee sotong...delicious...hungry already?XD~





~in gurney drive...the food all went to the tummy and left...err, polistyrene?~


~mee sotong close up...^^ a little spicy though~


~Penang's famous char kuey tiaw~


~i duno wats this...i think i ate some of this...~


till then...tell ya mr next tym...^^

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

speechless

I don't know how to express this type of feeling...zzz argh~ where are my girlfriends when i need them? lalala

Monday, November 1, 2010

The 5 minutes post.

Its been a while, hasnt it? While everyone is fumbling through their text books, i m here onlining..its sem break, which seem a little, silent perhaps. for matrix only.. my form6 friends were indulging themselves with books to give a little polish on what they ought to learn n apply in exam. A final push you would say. I m here, being a lazy, rather lazy potato couch, really n buying all my necessity to bring back to KMP. My mum had enuf of me. HAHA. Anyway, I'd really thank my friends to accompany me, through this time. Seeing you on webcammie was fun. I've been stalking blogs too. IN the next holidays, wonder where should we go, island tour? or a shopping spree>? name it, i had it.(mental list ,at least...) al right then, I really hoped to see all my friends, old n new..to exchange updates. Time flies isnt it,but our memories will remain forever, though it fades, but after a lil brush n polish, its as shiny as new. =)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

today...








Today,


was an ordinary day like no other,

Woke up in the morning,

With a numb tinge sumwhr deep in me,

Was it the feeling of emptiness?

I thought so...

i hate this type of feelings..

does this mean my emoness is cmg back?

please don't, as if i did not suffer enough being emo...

i did not want to experience that again...

in the last few days,

i kept dreaming of my history..

the person whom i had no contacts now...

had no idea why it came..

maybe its to remind me of the past..

how i used to be...

it did not matter now as i moved on...

it became part of my memory,

as i live my life a journey...

It last a while n went off...

Then it came back at dusk...

i m not sure at all what this is saying,

i m not sure what is it,

i just know for a fact,

i felt lonely,

i felt empty...

Friday, September 10, 2010

PIANO and my story beneath...


P-I-A-N-O


When I am alone, in the cold midnight,
with no one to turn to,
I laid my fingers on the sleek keys,
And hear the music company.

When I m in the uttermost silence,
where it creeps up to my spine,
I put in my faith, n gave the keys some touch,
I was melodied at once.

When I am at the paramount of joy,
I gave it a try from the notes I had,
Or simply from the hearstrings,
I will definitely share my happiness to the world,
carving smiles in the faces of others..

When I was broken beyond repair,
where my tears wet the keys of black and white,
go on...i played my wound out...
it will help you heal,
as how it healed mine..
not by instant,
but by time...
dont worry, it will always be there.

Thank you,
for being there for me,
for all the times we had,
i just wanna say thanks... ^^

Friday, August 13, 2010

My birthday~

oh yes, happy belated birthday fion.

It was a blast really.

I didnt know many knew my birthday n decided to just keep it to myself.

Really thanks to my family n frens whom wished me tru calling, sms, fb n yeah throw a suprise party which i almost faint. no joke.

Thanks to my roomates whom bother to spend their sms creds fr my wish ==' (yeah sayang,u guys were sitting next to me)

It was an ordinary day until at night. I was supposed oto have a dinner with my friends. but didint. then, JUNE told me there was ''math easy'' program held, and at the same time, i really did believe because it was one of our routine but its brought foward days earlier. (Whoe would doubt a routine?? ) With my menti programme speech on finace management(??!!! )okay, its out of topic but i really went to the talk, no joke! (WAIT, did i mentioned that my friends brought the cake to the speech as well? bravo..==') so i walked up to the library for the so called math easy programme n went in...june came minutes later n said the venue changed. So fine, who again would doubt their best friend?..i walked tru the dark pavement with june till reach the tutorial b where the classes were supposed to be used during the day. n then here comes the joke, I met She Mei , Zhi yung whom have the same bufday with me., n well a couple of frens whom suppose to be buying bus tickets. Okay~ the i just followed them to accompany them to buy tickets via the jpps' n then i felt strange. Again,who in the world would doubt their group of best friends???not to mention 1 but a gang of them..so when i reached there, it was kinda dark(btw,its at night..><')so from a class room without lights, they suddenly start to sing happy birthday song for me n zhi yung. WOW! IT WAS DEFINITELY A SHOCK MAN! i really almost faint...it was so quiet n suddenly out of duno where, a group of them just pop out n sing... who in the world would expect a party when ur bufday is goin to end in a few hours time? but 1 thing I WAS REALLY REALLY TOUCHED...thanks ...you guys are the best! really a memory to remember...i thought i was gonna held a maggie mee party but since there is cake, oh well, frgt the previous idea..hahaha pei wen gave me a SMILEY BAG! so CUTEE!!!!!!!!!!!! n june gave me a decorative item(reli want it so much!^^), SHE MEI gave me a handmade card with pictures n a beautiful highlighter! SO TOUHCHED..l.nesha gave me a card n chocolate! my faves!! hahaha n many more...THANKS GUYS... My family celebrate it in advanced with sushi treat! thanks A LOT ^^.......OKAY~ cont next time...nidda rush fr block meeting...ttfn~ ^^

updates~

HI~ its me (who else...zz)
I never knew how my life would be in the future. Really. NOt joking.
Look at me stil in matrix. but really had a stressed time however realy fun. I woke up to the morning shivers early at dawn today. Maybe its because of the pouring rain, maybe its just plainly because of the speedy fan above the bedshack. Its a friday. Lecture is waiting n i just rushed to the shower to get a quick one and put on a baju kurung. Today wasnt any more unordinaire but a quick painful one. Its okay, i will stop with the vain talk here. n i couldnt go on facebook bcoz of the lamo line!! argh~ thanks for those whom wished me fr my birthday, really appreciate it lots. Sorry i coulnt reply early. was really busy. again, no joke. Here bout here. Was busy as always, phone bill is high as always. no choice wt. homework stacking piles n piles n no joke, really, few tonnes. but how busy is it, really had fun here. Really had great memorable times wif frens, fr midnight talks, supper n stuff. Really smth that i didnt exprnc bfr. I just hope i can manage my time better in the future n thanks to you whom influence me well. gtg, update later...tata ^^

Saturday, July 31, 2010

emo

Okies..yeap...here i m again...all stupidly miserable like usual, where i m suppose to blog bout my outing wif ma besties..i m crappin. Yeah, u got me. i m emo, aftr a long time. look, tis is why:

1) CHEMISTRY ASSIGNMENT which my friend remind me from day 1 to do
2) CHEMISTRY TUTORIAL ChAPTER 5 (which again reminded, now no diff)
3) MATHEMATICS TUTORIAL(CHAPTER 5 WHICH I DID NOT FOR GUDNESS Sake bring back the buk)
4) DOUBLE math quiz (isnt this getting brilliant)
5)GIMP ASSIGNMENT (wow, didnt start)
6) biology revision(stuck)
7)chem revision(wth is tat)
8) my story books are all over selangor n malaysia(NO JOKE)
9)still not enuf sleep
10)miss my friend whom i dun think misses me
11) I niida go back to the northern state in less than 24 hours.

LOOK? i deserve to stress isnt it...I reli wan to just faint off...I M SO EMO THAT I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT!*SCREAMS*ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help me...how how how><''

Thursday, July 22, 2010

FaRhAnA...^^

TODAY...
*drumrolls*

Before i do any post at all...

i would like to dedicate this post to..

its ok..lets see...

*make sure u scroll till the bottom*

WATER APPles
HAHA...okok, not the wtr apples..

FARHANA
*the senget wan, not the sopan wan*

oops...okok

FARHANA
*the cute wan*
better?



There you go.
Thanks for all the time we spent together...thanks fr al ta camwhores we had..
(yeah, of course, drain my camera's battery...)
and for the times we had together. how we study n go bookshop togethr to but books...
(ya right...lepak in czip lee got la..den stop by vanilla, den wait at tepi jalan from no rain till rain..den..walk to living cabin oso got..din see us so rajin go mph or lib oso)
Hard times when we help each other...-------->

(shutup, ur just waiting fr the jambu rite? n let samila do the work..XD n i m the camera girl...)
n the easy times when i m still the camera girl, n you are.............err...*gulps*
or when u have enuf snapshts that you want no more, i m still here as the cam girl, n u r.... *changing ur post, admit ni la, i noe u want it...*



n this is us...thanks dear for everything.......dramaqueen.....love you always...

Wow..studying.........okok...if i puji myself i thnk u will faint........so, thanks fr the time we spent together...will always remembr you no matter whr u go...wht u do...love you lots...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARHANA...

(belated, i din insert it cz i feel like this prttier...^^)
sorry that i forget it..hectic life n stressed...sorry dear...hope ur not angry...n cant celebrate wif you this year..but we shall celebrate it next week durin outing ok?...
take care miss me o...^^

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My life so far

My blog has been really boring with no updates but what i shall do bout that..
nothing. haha. okay, lets start of with me in Perlis.
Life has been kinda nice to me. despite the fact i couldnt get the jpa scholarship to study in med school. Well, thsat was very really heartbrkng.
frustrated i couldnt do better in the past. but finally i do believe everything hsppen for a gud reason. undeniably. painful.
okay, stop the vain talk. NOw i really do feel better after all that i went tru. i believe i can still enter med school via matrix. i mean local U.
really hope to get into medic course. Its my dream.
Its something i would do for my whole life.
suffer or not, i m going for it. i m really thankful i got the chance to study in matrix, smthn to lay on.
Its really nice, although that taking 3 majors would be very very hard compared to taking 11 mix of both. funny. I still yet forget to bring the cable to the library. couldnt update pics. i took tonnes. Reallly a truckload. No joke.
Here as usual, less sleep, more work. no doubt.
midnight sleep almost everyday n ur dreading for weekends is really exhausting. strive to fight sleepyness in class esp when ur in front of the teachers table. (Why did i chose that seat again?) why did i?? okay, forget it.
Here, the library is really superb. trust me. neevr seen one like it befr. n my besties here are really very nice (corrupted, senget)
Homework is piling up high, assignments, tutorials n studies for quiz..really stress..!
The Teachers here are superb..they are reli very gud n nice.reli had fun. but nidda WORK VERY VERY HARD. one funny thing, when the atm machine is spoilt, majorities went dry , out of cash. no joke.
its like a huge crisis over here. include me.
HAHA. okok.gtg..dun wan nag so long. n thanks to my parents n family whom support me all ta time, my bestie in institute bahasa(watashiwa fion cutie desu! Anatawa hana not cutie desu! WAHAHAHA)
n oso my other close frens. Thanks to you in smk hussein onn 2, to rela hati hear me talk crap in the phone for hours, although u no time.appreciate it lots. Thanks. Hopefully can cope wif the studies here.
Hope the best for me ya.^^

Saturday, May 29, 2010

KMP

Kolej Matrikulasi Perlis.

It was very fun. Really. I got loads of experience to be independent. wake up early to wash clothes, volleyball in dusk..study...workload. I met many people from many backgrounds..people whom touched my heart, people whom I really cared.Now all I can do is travel this journey of mine to the best it can go. Wait for me. I m trying to let go, if it comes bck to me, we're meant to be. If it doesn't, it was never mine. Now on a 3days break. will go bck. on sunday..take a truckload of pics..will upload soon..wait fr me ya!!thts all fr now...take care..^^

Friday, May 7, 2010

perlis

I M REALLY GOIN TO PERLIS!! Okay, chill, BUT HOW?? HAVENT PACK FINISH!! n dun feel like packing..den comes in the sore throat, flu..gudness..how now how now?? *smacks*
bye Fb, bye my baby bloggie, bye room, bye onlining, bye every1, bye XY. .byebye

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Time

The history of mine has made me believe that time will cure everything. It will. I truly believe if i withstand more pain, put up a thicker wall n bear with it, I believe, time will help me.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

loser

Todays post it for myself.
Im a loser.such a jerk. seriously, no doubt.
I m such a loser that I don't care for others feelings isnt it?
Or i cared too much of the feelings of others, which fires back,as if i'd never cared before? I hurt people around me, people close to me.
Always.
I m sorry, but i couldnt turn back time.
if I could, i might just shut myself out from everyone.
Better for them, better for me. I wont ever get the chance to hurt any1.
they would be vry happy.
This change, maybe in coll life?
Just don't care. Cold, like whom i was before.
until i dunno what-in- the- world that change me. At least i wont hurt anyone by then. I didnt. Even if i did, i wont feel a thing.
Dont know since when tht change n i have feelings.
afterall.
And that hurts me more than ever.
I felt more pain than bfr. It really suffers. Now? as if i have ntg to do?
I m hurting ppl around me. I felt so bad. I m sorry. Truly. I never meant fr any ths to happen . i loser.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

self sacrifice

When i look back, I have went tru this before. Yes, indeed, i have. I wondered, will the reason of failure in relationship(general) is my fault? I thought it was always my fault. I thought it always because i m selfish. but when i think again, is it because i m self sacrificial ?for everyones benefit that i m doin this, but i caused hurt in me. i dont care. this is what it shud be.

My bloggie.

Dearest, my bloggie.

Todays post in to...
yes, the one and only bloggie. My bloggie.
Ignore the fact that i got another bloggie in wordpress k, or for transparentdress

Okay, I realised this like moments ago. My bloggie is very loyal indeed.
She is always there for me no matter what happens to me, my bloggie will always be there for me even if I felt like crying or screaming or punching the wall or simply for a compliment like now.
I realised i can tell what i feel here, even the things i could not tell others by word of mouth. Typing n talking is 2 different things k.
I had no idea why but i kept knowing if i got any prob at all, my blog will be there.
I seriously had no idea why. Seriously.
What i couldnt directly tell others, i tell here.
It suffice to let out any feel at all, although bloggie wun reply. It is enuf. I m too lazy to write in a diary, so this is fine with me.
I LOVE YOU MY BLOGGIE!

Tank - Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi

I heard this in sumwhr n i instantly like it so much!!! Very nice...u shud go hear..^^

Tank - Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi


Lei le Zhao guan li nu li qing xing zhe Ye zhao guan li xiang ni le
Hao pa yi fang xin shui le Xin tiao zai meng zhong bu ting hua de Jiu ting zhi le
Ting zhe Hu xi xiang lang chao pai dong zhe Yue mei li yue rang wo tan te
Wo hai neng zhen xi shen me Ru guo wo lian zi ji de mai bo Dou nan zhang wo
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
Kuai le Shen me shi hou hui jie su ne Na yi ke shi zui hou yi ke
Xiang ba ni jing jing bao zhe Ke zhi ni shi wo sheng ming zhong de Zui she bu de
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zui pa wo tai be zheng qi
Wan gu de lai zai kong qi Ba zhan ni xin li Mei yi cun feng xi
Lian lei yi ran ai wo de ni Tong ku cheng shou shi qu
Zhe yang bu gong ping Qing ni jin li Ba wo wang ji




Translation

When I'm tired I keep trying hard to stay awake as usual I keep thinking of you as usual too
I'm really scared that when my mind is at rest and I'm asleep In my dreams my heartbeat won't listen to me And just stop
Listen; The sound of breathing like waves splashing The more beautiful it gets, the more I feel uneasy
What can I still cherish If I can barely control my own pulse?
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
Leaving you startled and weeping My ice-cold body No longer able to embrace you
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
I will hate myself For being so heartless
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
No chance Of us tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
If someone can [heal your wound] Let him stay accompany you I won't blame you
Happiness When will it end? When is the very end?
I really want to embrace you tightly Know that you're the one in my life I can't bear to leave the most
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
Leaving you startled and weeping, my ice-cold body no longer able to embrace you
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
I will hate myself For being so heartless
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
No chance to Tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
If someone can [heal your wound], let him stay accompany you, I won't blame you
If I became a memory - I'm most afraid that I'll let myself down
Stubbornly lingering in the air Dominating your heart Every part of it
Making the you that still loves me, suffer painfully for this loss
This isn't fair Please try your best To forget me

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Our outings

OKAY GUYS!
Today gonna update bout.......
MY OUTING WITH FARHANA!!
You see, at first our intention is very simple..Go to school to sahkan our matrx stuff.. HAHAHA (admit it, thats nt the main point..then go take pic in shop..fr matrcs.. (I kept do my hair n do my hair n do my hair till..the kak was like..ok od? I was like Havent..again n again..HAHA she is nice thankfully...wanna choose oso take duno how long).
.n go czip lee..(Ya, sounds so general..kononya go buy books...actually loiter around n do crazy stuff got lo..like..nvm...skip that) After collect my lenses, we go metro..
sudenly, while waiting fr lunch, we REALLY HUNGRY TIL KENOT STAND OD...wanna faint seriously..
So v go grab ice cream in the mcd booth...(I finished mine n I really REALLY dont wanna tell what happen to Farhana's Mcflurry...i dont thnk u wanna know either...
blek~ ) so we went like mad ppl go find padlock.
.(sempat tawar menawar smmr..)Then we was choosin the umbrella...
FOR HOW MANY HOURS I TELL YOU!!!
then lunch time
! Both of us rush like wt to go MCD aftr got tchrs call...n guess wat la, she decide to go cc n print out sum stuff til the whole lunch is over od. =='
Then, she wan go buy the alarm clock..(PINK N SUPER BIG i tell you)
all of us laugh lyk wat whn the kakak go try the sound..SWEAT! ==' So, we were really exhausted aftr tht. go to library while wait pengesahan...n Farhana sempat stack up the books to..............

Her : I need sum sleep
Me : Okay, go sleep lo.
Her : *lie down on the shelf* i need to lie down
Me : Okay,bttr lie down ni..so xing khu like tht
Her: kenot la..
Me: okay *lean on shelf...fold legs up n rest head on it* short while ltr,..

Me: What u doin?dun wan sleep od?
Her : urm...*stacking up books...* n thn.. baring on it..=='
Me : HAHAHAHAHA....-pillow-
both of us..WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



okay, she will smack me.......duh~
but
THANKS FARHANA FOR THE OUTING!! ONE OF THE BEST OUTINGS EVER>>>NOT JOKING!! Superb fun time...not bcz i went fr lunch not wif u..but tis is just simply fun!! LOVE YOU HUN!!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

miss you

I will miss you. I will miss you badly but i know i gotta let go, because its not meant to be.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Blurry vision

I am unsure now. Is this just a simple thing like i used to think? Or now its gotten much more complicated. Its my fault isn't it? Now payback time. I m no longer sure where I am heading. This is the reality, the society, the truth. This is where I am. but, by doin this, makes me more selfish than ever. Forgive me will you? I don't know why its gotten this far. I want to put a stop to all these, but i couldnt bring myself to so it. Maybe, after all, its a simply misunderstanding. Is it?Why..why must it be this way? There is no benefit. There is something more to me people would never understand. I am not the person people think I am. or I used to be. They will never know how much it hurts. Or, is this just another innocent game? I don't know, n I never want to know.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Welcome, me

WELCOME BACK, the old me. Someone whom i formerly feared. My ownself. In these past months, I have been hoping everything would be perfect. No regrets, no flaws, in order for me to pursue my studies in ease. At least, that was what I thought. I have left out something rather influential. My past life, who I was before. Not the one studying, not the one loitering, its the one part of me, whom needs help. That phase of lives a few years back was never easy, but with guidance, I made it. After a senior, Jia Ni whom help me lots left the school, I slowly learnt to be independant. I slowly learn to make it tru, bcoz I know I could no longer burden her. I never intended to. She changed my life for the better. Way better. As time passes, I grew up n left that part of me behind. I call it emo. Nowadays, I was wondering, why i really had strong emotion issues. And, its very familiar. Oh, an old friend of mine actually, the other part of me. Its been a long time i has this tht I thought wat was wrong with me. Then, after sum thinking, I realised this is not new, I was like this few years back. Nothing to be afraid of. I will just settle it the former way. Everythng would be fine. I was like this. I need some time. I can do it.

Driving test girl

Hi~ I met this girl yesterday, in my driving test venue.. She is VERY nice i tell you. Sze ern. I had thought her name is very cute...haha She is very frenly n believe me, with her around, you will never get bored. Never. There is always things to talk bout, laugh about n she make frens with almost every1. Frenly huh..^^ HAD LOTSA FUN WITH HER (ya, you.. ^^) HAHA...she was frm yu hua. N she got 2nd session fr exam, so can teman me until late. if not, i will be alone. sad huh...luckily, she is there to make the atmosphere way more fun..^^

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

driving

I failed the driving test. Really very dissapointed in myself. People kept saying, 'you so smart in school, sure driving oso can....no prob fr you...' okay, first, i m not that smart. Its just that I reli work hard thats all. 2nd, its no relation k...doent mean my exam result like this like this then i sure pass DRIVING okay........ i FAILED THE DRIVING TEST. GUDNESS... SO FRUSTRATED... thnks tcher fr making me feel better...was so sad bfr that..Thanks for the meal...(I M SO PAYING NEXT TIME)...NOT JOKING! >< make me feel so bad...THANKS niway...had fun with you today...though I reli sad...but reli fun...thnks...i got perlis matrix...duno when ni gt chance retake....haih...BUT ..I still believe........EVERYTHING HAPPEN FOR A REASON!!!!!! cheer up fion~

Monday, April 19, 2010

my adventure of life.

I m goin off to the other end of the country soon. I want to leave this town with a peace of mind, peace of state. I done mostly everything so I can be with solitude to pursue my studies. However, it kept occur to me that how bout my family? I know I sounds old, but I can't help it. The house will be less noisy without me around. No longer hearing my lousy piano songs everytime(the songs are nice, its just my skills), no more argues with sibling, nor no more comment from me about much things at home. I wouldnt be cycling around the park, nor play volleyball in my porch. i felt tht my bro will be lonely. My parents will miss me, I will miss them more. I know my role in the family and I know it well. I knew they would be worried. I will come bck frm time to time. (Though i dont know how to take a bus, I will learn..><). I will leave my frens, teachers, acuaintance n room, my room whom had company me fr a long time now. I will definitely miss YOU xy. During this term, many ppl gave support, n i reli appreciated it include they whom said willing to use up credit to keep in touch(dont regret later..HAHA) Well, as far as I go, this is it.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

illusions

Now, i felt there is two sides of me. The reality and the dreams, or more would i say, illusions. There are many things I could ever dream of in my world of illusions, but when i snap out of it, there are restrictions. Better be aware n stay out of it before its too late. Painful huh? In life there ought to be sacrifices big or small. When its time to let go, you should. By letting go, you will be able to move on..never turning back.

lessons

Today is my final lesson for driving. Yeah, after so long you might think. Indeed, I wasnt sure how good am I, or how otherwise. About the slope was a lil tricky. Its like I didnt put out enough clutch level or i let go too much n the car's engine stopped! Okay, today had repetitive trainings on that. Then, went on the road. As usual, see the buffalo, see the goats..(wait, thats yesterday..==') Okay, then went fr a brunch with instructor...(THANKS FOR THE MEAL ^^) So, later went back to circuit to thumbprint sum stuff. With a full tummy, drove back n now here I am..eating again..==' no wondr i was fat.... o.o Okay, wish me luck ya next tuesday !! ^^

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Here

I am here for you. Really. I am always here to catch you if you fall. YOu wouldnt read this post anyway. but, I am really here. If you look with your heart, you will see me here...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

RAPTOR WATCH IS BACK!

Hi! So whats hit??!
RAPTOR WATCH!

betcha you are right!so we made it through the event with
a pure heart n sincerity
to help the nature.
(mengaku ni la we had party there)
okay, first thing first.

ATTENTION: Farhana~tis pichas all rompk frm ur blog, so please be knid on me n not sue me on this

(hu ask u eat my octopus??)

We took a trucload of pics!
me n farhana spotlight event..no matter whr.
.eating, walking, talking, crappin...okay..but thr are place whr FARHANA being so nice to me, in 'editing the pics'
(belive me,just wait n see how i smack you)
so we switched! jeng jeng jeng..thx miss bernie...!Cozy huh...but she shifted niways...love u hanna!
-look at the bag, it wasnt half the among the amount she brought.. - =='
hanna kept puji her pic very nice...please lar...(okok, i admit, its nice... :)) dun angry~


ltr, after the briefing, we went to supper near the pool...it was more to..
MIDNIGHT SNACK!
ya, eat rice..funny!its so fattenning!
i was more worried she wil push us in to the pool in fact..


13th march~happy bufday yie yie!!RISE N SHINE PEOPLE!!! ok, me n farhana was sleeping so soundly on the bed when..........................................
UMAI
woke us up..haha..she is a nice girl i tell you..
(farhana is the lazy one)
haha, okay, umai reli vry teliti wan..
me n Ana : WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! SO FUNNY!!! BLAH~ BLAH~ *gossip this n gossip that* then, laugh fr no reason..---...WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Umai : shh~ jgn bising sangat...kuatnyer! (with the cute teguran face..CUTE!) Me n Ana : She so cute(^o^) we so noti.

************************************************************
(this multiply twice..hmm..alright! multiply 6 times...==')


yo! blue hippo
sesat from duno where...hahaha..pity lar...no1 look at him...
*i support you k..*oh! you know why...look!!
Maya karin
is in the hse! no wonder all the attention goes on stage!! poor the hippo...Me n Umai...The cars were already looking at us...
(bet thy were thinking : OI! dun halang the road!!!
for pictures sake ==' worth it k..look, how cute?)
The books sold in the boothes!!! okok, i admit, i look at the sourvenirs only...
(wh, if u prefer books, sorry didnt get 1 fr u..hahas)

OUR booth!! yezza! doin the alpha charms!! do till our waist oso feel so lenguh coz not enough chairs!! n so v nidda gv the customer sit... in the end of the day,omg...lie down on the bed so nice feeling i tell you...thanks to felicia too taught us how to do..muacks~


they are acting like selling n buying..they deserve the oscar award i tell you!


LOOK at the birds..there were thousands of thm!!!!!!!
PD scenery...pettay huh!
the 'Supermodel'...>< (awal awal dah mimpi dah..wake up dude!) housemates~so friendly~..


~excited~it was very fun...the instrumental play


~well i had no idea why the pic turn out like this~



out of nowhr, there is this show...suddenly ni...>< His voice very nice~*claps*


THAT nite, no electricity i tell you...my gudness...so bored...we hd lotsa girl talk with felicia too...
FUN!!
i plug in my earphones to well make me sleep earlier
then...............my leg pain man! i was like
~must be the standing n bending during the day...~(dun say i old lar..><) so when the electric is back, went outside to knock my leg...okok, nicer to hear..massage..haha...takkan u wan me to wake umai n farhana frm their beauty sleep, ltr they gt panda eyes will scold me wan..==' Then i got a good idea, went to the balcony, so nice., the night view is superb!! the beach...the lights...*how nice if you were there with me ^^* 3rd day~




~HeNnA~
funny pic..yay! cn see my face!
sense of freedom


this pic is reli one beautifully captured pic! bravo farhana!


blek~^^



seashell~ pretty huh
oh,hus leg is that at the back??haha umai berangan apa?^^



then we had to go back...it was amazingly a fun n priceless experience !

Credits~
MNS : Which organizethis meaningful event to create public awareness...fr mother nature

Miss Bernie : For giving us this chance to participate although we are very young with no experience in this,yet you let us in despite many others more eligible applied..thank you so much..^^

My parents : Whom trusted me to go Tanjung Tuan as a volunteer with my frens without their supervision.Fr the 1st time. Whom trusted me to be independent ...Thanks^^

Farhana n Umai : Ana fr informing me bout this n Umai fr teman us n sabar wif these immature kids punya kerenah, we feel SAFE n sense of secureness with her around taking care of us.we wun wake up late bcoz gt her to watch after us ALL THE TIME.i hope you will get to be with the abang kereta of urs in th future..(farhana, dun rebut la..u gt dr. fakhri).^^

Raptors~????!! fr flying here so we can see you all...^^ <3

THANKS!!! We learnt a lot! We hope to participate n encourage more people to volunteer to create public awareness on preserving nature in the future!!!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

CNY!!!^^

HaPpY ChInEsE NeW YeAr!!! okok, dont call me lame fr being so early about this k...juz kinda lazy on it...so this is how it went
1st day~ we went early in the morning...well..it was super packed!!like sardin in the car...thankfully, cousin tag along...making trip much more fun...^^ so fr reunion dinner, yeah, i stuff myself with tonnes of food...seriously..no kidding(letr i m gonna tell u how i put on my weight)..so v reached kinda early. n well, with my insomniac sleeping pattern, of course i cant sleep! wth...i rolled n rolled...wash up, stil rolling..so i settled with listening music n well..berangan...thn i juz slept..ok

CNY~ Followed dad to take satay in shop EARLY MORNING>>> wat? i have not enuf sleep...==' ya, i deserve it.. so









in Kg. Cina







Me, mum n lil puppy..! cute huh....^^ i so love it so much!

Me n Sean..he is 1 cute lil fella
Me n Alvin...yaya...我爱你了
Me n Kenneth...~i had no idea y most of ppl wear pink tht day~
Alvin! Look here!!! ^^
Me n Kenneth..ya...ignore the fact i m kinda short okay


Me and the beach..(??!!)





Me n Viviane...^^ p/s~ she oso vry tall



this pose inspired by wayne...##
me~
Me n Sean
Food~

Monday, November 8, 2010

ponder...

WHat type of thought is this? a little empty...will i go back to my past? will I?
Can i chose? is there any opt button? i think this is worth pondering...
for which is me, which is supposed to be me...is it who i am now? or the past?...

Friday, November 5, 2010

beauty

BEAUTY

How would one define beauty? By appearance? hair do? or expansive clothing?

Okay, I sounds like the speaking test questions in muet. Alright, you get me anyway..do you?

These days, no, actually is today(i m good in exagerating am i? haha)... i question myself, on how would a person judge another? by any means i mentioned above.....? I wonder.This returns the question bck to me. How would people feel? how would people judge me? Does it matter? Will it matter? I don't knw.
For me, i feel the appearance matter but, only fr the first impression. I believe more on personality, individuality, feelings on permanent impressions.
It lies in the way a person naturally are, how they are themselves. The beauty shows when an individual show who are they inside. who are they when they act as they are.
especially with whom indeed. =)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

1stly...PENANG VACATION!!!

WHOA!
gimme a sec...
This is too fast.
way too fast.
top on the beat, right here. yup.
Froze the time for a sec, gimme a little time.
thats right.

---

Dont cha agree with me that time do fly? or it teleports?
whichever comes first.
I m on hols now, well recently until i got the news my hols will be extended.
sure
fun but MUET is just around the corner.
Its getting on my nerves as well.
okok, first things first.

From my history of the moulded vacation to Penang,
(dun blame me fr too late ya, really hectic..XD)
i couldnt jot down all, but enough to let ya njoy sum pichas...

It was fun! seriously, with Adrian n Pei Ee becoming our tourguide,
we manage to make the most out of out trip n not goin around in circles..
zzz we travel around by bus...reli a lot...though tiring, but worth it..
.thanks to zhi yung's parents fr the rooms too...^^
me, she mei, june, jia row,avan, zhi yung,kok ming
,khang chuan,adrian, pei ee, jia ting,wei ting
are all in this vacation.
Super fun going with them...can't stp laughing n talking crap..
HAHA no joke...really...

And the cinema tour was fun, when we walk bck almost midnite...real gud experience...^^

The food was superb...okok...i guess i let the pictures show you
as a picture worth a thousand words...^^








~me n jia row on the ferry...^^~



~you see? kmp students...wahaha ~
~in kek lok si temple... yes, i know the bag is very prominent...~


~me n avan...^^~

HAHA. trying to operate the weighing machine...=='






~us in the cable car...^^~
~on the ferry...lalala ~




~me n she mei...yes, my hair is in a mess...~

~picturesque scenery huh. worth taking...^^~

~aftr a few tries, we stil couldnt take the background pic, but its ok, me n june stil in...^^~






~mee sotong...delicious...hungry already?XD~





~in gurney drive...the food all went to the tummy and left...err, polistyrene?~


~mee sotong close up...^^ a little spicy though~


~Penang's famous char kuey tiaw~


~i duno wats this...i think i ate some of this...~


till then...tell ya mr next tym...^^

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

speechless

I don't know how to express this type of feeling...zzz argh~ where are my girlfriends when i need them? lalala

Monday, November 1, 2010

The 5 minutes post.

Its been a while, hasnt it? While everyone is fumbling through their text books, i m here onlining..its sem break, which seem a little, silent perhaps. for matrix only.. my form6 friends were indulging themselves with books to give a little polish on what they ought to learn n apply in exam. A final push you would say. I m here, being a lazy, rather lazy potato couch, really n buying all my necessity to bring back to KMP. My mum had enuf of me. HAHA. Anyway, I'd really thank my friends to accompany me, through this time. Seeing you on webcammie was fun. I've been stalking blogs too. IN the next holidays, wonder where should we go, island tour? or a shopping spree>? name it, i had it.(mental list ,at least...) al right then, I really hoped to see all my friends, old n new..to exchange updates. Time flies isnt it,but our memories will remain forever, though it fades, but after a lil brush n polish, its as shiny as new. =)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

today...








Today,


was an ordinary day like no other,

Woke up in the morning,

With a numb tinge sumwhr deep in me,

Was it the feeling of emptiness?

I thought so...

i hate this type of feelings..

does this mean my emoness is cmg back?

please don't, as if i did not suffer enough being emo...

i did not want to experience that again...

in the last few days,

i kept dreaming of my history..

the person whom i had no contacts now...

had no idea why it came..

maybe its to remind me of the past..

how i used to be...

it did not matter now as i moved on...

it became part of my memory,

as i live my life a journey...

It last a while n went off...

Then it came back at dusk...

i m not sure at all what this is saying,

i m not sure what is it,

i just know for a fact,

i felt lonely,

i felt empty...

Friday, September 10, 2010

PIANO and my story beneath...


P-I-A-N-O


When I am alone, in the cold midnight,
with no one to turn to,
I laid my fingers on the sleek keys,
And hear the music company.

When I m in the uttermost silence,
where it creeps up to my spine,
I put in my faith, n gave the keys some touch,
I was melodied at once.

When I am at the paramount of joy,
I gave it a try from the notes I had,
Or simply from the hearstrings,
I will definitely share my happiness to the world,
carving smiles in the faces of others..

When I was broken beyond repair,
where my tears wet the keys of black and white,
go on...i played my wound out...
it will help you heal,
as how it healed mine..
not by instant,
but by time...
dont worry, it will always be there.

Thank you,
for being there for me,
for all the times we had,
i just wanna say thanks... ^^

Friday, August 13, 2010

My birthday~

oh yes, happy belated birthday fion.

It was a blast really.

I didnt know many knew my birthday n decided to just keep it to myself.

Really thanks to my family n frens whom wished me tru calling, sms, fb n yeah throw a suprise party which i almost faint. no joke.

Thanks to my roomates whom bother to spend their sms creds fr my wish ==' (yeah sayang,u guys were sitting next to me)

It was an ordinary day until at night. I was supposed oto have a dinner with my friends. but didint. then, JUNE told me there was ''math easy'' program held, and at the same time, i really did believe because it was one of our routine but its brought foward days earlier. (Whoe would doubt a routine?? ) With my menti programme speech on finace management(??!!! )okay, its out of topic but i really went to the talk, no joke! (WAIT, did i mentioned that my friends brought the cake to the speech as well? bravo..==') so i walked up to the library for the so called math easy programme n went in...june came minutes later n said the venue changed. So fine, who again would doubt their best friend?..i walked tru the dark pavement with june till reach the tutorial b where the classes were supposed to be used during the day. n then here comes the joke, I met She Mei , Zhi yung whom have the same bufday with me., n well a couple of frens whom suppose to be buying bus tickets. Okay~ the i just followed them to accompany them to buy tickets via the jpps' n then i felt strange. Again,who in the world would doubt their group of best friends???not to mention 1 but a gang of them..so when i reached there, it was kinda dark(btw,its at night..><')so from a class room without lights, they suddenly start to sing happy birthday song for me n zhi yung. WOW! IT WAS DEFINITELY A SHOCK MAN! i really almost faint...it was so quiet n suddenly out of duno where, a group of them just pop out n sing... who in the world would expect a party when ur bufday is goin to end in a few hours time? but 1 thing I WAS REALLY REALLY TOUCHED...thanks ...you guys are the best! really a memory to remember...i thought i was gonna held a maggie mee party but since there is cake, oh well, frgt the previous idea..hahaha pei wen gave me a SMILEY BAG! so CUTEE!!!!!!!!!!!! n june gave me a decorative item(reli want it so much!^^), SHE MEI gave me a handmade card with pictures n a beautiful highlighter! SO TOUHCHED..l.nesha gave me a card n chocolate! my faves!! hahaha n many more...THANKS GUYS... My family celebrate it in advanced with sushi treat! thanks A LOT ^^.......OKAY~ cont next time...nidda rush fr block meeting...ttfn~ ^^

updates~

HI~ its me (who else...zz)
I never knew how my life would be in the future. Really. NOt joking.
Look at me stil in matrix. but really had a stressed time however realy fun. I woke up to the morning shivers early at dawn today. Maybe its because of the pouring rain, maybe its just plainly because of the speedy fan above the bedshack. Its a friday. Lecture is waiting n i just rushed to the shower to get a quick one and put on a baju kurung. Today wasnt any more unordinaire but a quick painful one. Its okay, i will stop with the vain talk here. n i couldnt go on facebook bcoz of the lamo line!! argh~ thanks for those whom wished me fr my birthday, really appreciate it lots. Sorry i coulnt reply early. was really busy. again, no joke. Here bout here. Was busy as always, phone bill is high as always. no choice wt. homework stacking piles n piles n no joke, really, few tonnes. but how busy is it, really had fun here. Really had great memorable times wif frens, fr midnight talks, supper n stuff. Really smth that i didnt exprnc bfr. I just hope i can manage my time better in the future n thanks to you whom influence me well. gtg, update later...tata ^^

Saturday, July 31, 2010

emo

Okies..yeap...here i m again...all stupidly miserable like usual, where i m suppose to blog bout my outing wif ma besties..i m crappin. Yeah, u got me. i m emo, aftr a long time. look, tis is why:

1) CHEMISTRY ASSIGNMENT which my friend remind me from day 1 to do
2) CHEMISTRY TUTORIAL ChAPTER 5 (which again reminded, now no diff)
3) MATHEMATICS TUTORIAL(CHAPTER 5 WHICH I DID NOT FOR GUDNESS Sake bring back the buk)
4) DOUBLE math quiz (isnt this getting brilliant)
5)GIMP ASSIGNMENT (wow, didnt start)
6) biology revision(stuck)
7)chem revision(wth is tat)
8) my story books are all over selangor n malaysia(NO JOKE)
9)still not enuf sleep
10)miss my friend whom i dun think misses me
11) I niida go back to the northern state in less than 24 hours.

LOOK? i deserve to stress isnt it...I reli wan to just faint off...I M SO EMO THAT I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT!*SCREAMS*ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help me...how how how><''

Thursday, July 22, 2010

FaRhAnA...^^

TODAY...
*drumrolls*

Before i do any post at all...

i would like to dedicate this post to..

its ok..lets see...

*make sure u scroll till the bottom*

WATER APPles
HAHA...okok, not the wtr apples..

FARHANA
*the senget wan, not the sopan wan*

oops...okok

FARHANA
*the cute wan*
better?



There you go.
Thanks for all the time we spent together...thanks fr al ta camwhores we had..
(yeah, of course, drain my camera's battery...)
and for the times we had together. how we study n go bookshop togethr to but books...
(ya right...lepak in czip lee got la..den stop by vanilla, den wait at tepi jalan from no rain till rain..den..walk to living cabin oso got..din see us so rajin go mph or lib oso)
Hard times when we help each other...-------->

(shutup, ur just waiting fr the jambu rite? n let samila do the work..XD n i m the camera girl...)
n the easy times when i m still the camera girl, n you are.............err...*gulps*
or when u have enuf snapshts that you want no more, i m still here as the cam girl, n u r.... *changing ur post, admit ni la, i noe u want it...*



n this is us...thanks dear for everything.......dramaqueen.....love you always...

Wow..studying.........okok...if i puji myself i thnk u will faint........so, thanks fr the time we spent together...will always remembr you no matter whr u go...wht u do...love you lots...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARHANA...

(belated, i din insert it cz i feel like this prttier...^^)
sorry that i forget it..hectic life n stressed...sorry dear...hope ur not angry...n cant celebrate wif you this year..but we shall celebrate it next week durin outing ok?...
take care miss me o...^^

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My life so far

My blog has been really boring with no updates but what i shall do bout that..
nothing. haha. okay, lets start of with me in Perlis.
Life has been kinda nice to me. despite the fact i couldnt get the jpa scholarship to study in med school. Well, thsat was very really heartbrkng.
frustrated i couldnt do better in the past. but finally i do believe everything hsppen for a gud reason. undeniably. painful.
okay, stop the vain talk. NOw i really do feel better after all that i went tru. i believe i can still enter med school via matrix. i mean local U.
really hope to get into medic course. Its my dream.
Its something i would do for my whole life.
suffer or not, i m going for it. i m really thankful i got the chance to study in matrix, smthn to lay on.
Its really nice, although that taking 3 majors would be very very hard compared to taking 11 mix of both. funny. I still yet forget to bring the cable to the library. couldnt update pics. i took tonnes. Reallly a truckload. No joke.
Here as usual, less sleep, more work. no doubt.
midnight sleep almost everyday n ur dreading for weekends is really exhausting. strive to fight sleepyness in class esp when ur in front of the teachers table. (Why did i chose that seat again?) why did i?? okay, forget it.
Here, the library is really superb. trust me. neevr seen one like it befr. n my besties here are really very nice (corrupted, senget)
Homework is piling up high, assignments, tutorials n studies for quiz..really stress..!
The Teachers here are superb..they are reli very gud n nice.reli had fun. but nidda WORK VERY VERY HARD. one funny thing, when the atm machine is spoilt, majorities went dry , out of cash. no joke.
its like a huge crisis over here. include me.
HAHA. okok.gtg..dun wan nag so long. n thanks to my parents n family whom support me all ta time, my bestie in institute bahasa(watashiwa fion cutie desu! Anatawa hana not cutie desu! WAHAHAHA)
n oso my other close frens. Thanks to you in smk hussein onn 2, to rela hati hear me talk crap in the phone for hours, although u no time.appreciate it lots. Thanks. Hopefully can cope wif the studies here.
Hope the best for me ya.^^

Saturday, May 29, 2010

KMP

Kolej Matrikulasi Perlis.

It was very fun. Really. I got loads of experience to be independent. wake up early to wash clothes, volleyball in dusk..study...workload. I met many people from many backgrounds..people whom touched my heart, people whom I really cared.Now all I can do is travel this journey of mine to the best it can go. Wait for me. I m trying to let go, if it comes bck to me, we're meant to be. If it doesn't, it was never mine. Now on a 3days break. will go bck. on sunday..take a truckload of pics..will upload soon..wait fr me ya!!thts all fr now...take care..^^

Friday, May 7, 2010

perlis

I M REALLY GOIN TO PERLIS!! Okay, chill, BUT HOW?? HAVENT PACK FINISH!! n dun feel like packing..den comes in the sore throat, flu..gudness..how now how now?? *smacks*
bye Fb, bye my baby bloggie, bye room, bye onlining, bye every1, bye XY. .byebye

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Time

The history of mine has made me believe that time will cure everything. It will. I truly believe if i withstand more pain, put up a thicker wall n bear with it, I believe, time will help me.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

loser

Todays post it for myself.
Im a loser.such a jerk. seriously, no doubt.
I m such a loser that I don't care for others feelings isnt it?
Or i cared too much of the feelings of others, which fires back,as if i'd never cared before? I hurt people around me, people close to me.
Always.
I m sorry, but i couldnt turn back time.
if I could, i might just shut myself out from everyone.
Better for them, better for me. I wont ever get the chance to hurt any1.
they would be vry happy.
This change, maybe in coll life?
Just don't care. Cold, like whom i was before.
until i dunno what-in- the- world that change me. At least i wont hurt anyone by then. I didnt. Even if i did, i wont feel a thing.
Dont know since when tht change n i have feelings.
afterall.
And that hurts me more than ever.
I felt more pain than bfr. It really suffers. Now? as if i have ntg to do?
I m hurting ppl around me. I felt so bad. I m sorry. Truly. I never meant fr any ths to happen . i loser.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

self sacrifice

When i look back, I have went tru this before. Yes, indeed, i have. I wondered, will the reason of failure in relationship(general) is my fault? I thought it was always my fault. I thought it always because i m selfish. but when i think again, is it because i m self sacrificial ?for everyones benefit that i m doin this, but i caused hurt in me. i dont care. this is what it shud be.

My bloggie.

Dearest, my bloggie.

Todays post in to...
yes, the one and only bloggie. My bloggie.
Ignore the fact that i got another bloggie in wordpress k, or for transparentdress

Okay, I realised this like moments ago. My bloggie is very loyal indeed.
She is always there for me no matter what happens to me, my bloggie will always be there for me even if I felt like crying or screaming or punching the wall or simply for a compliment like now.
I realised i can tell what i feel here, even the things i could not tell others by word of mouth. Typing n talking is 2 different things k.
I had no idea why but i kept knowing if i got any prob at all, my blog will be there.
I seriously had no idea why. Seriously.
What i couldnt directly tell others, i tell here.
It suffice to let out any feel at all, although bloggie wun reply. It is enuf. I m too lazy to write in a diary, so this is fine with me.
I LOVE YOU MY BLOGGIE!

Tank - Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi

I heard this in sumwhr n i instantly like it so much!!! Very nice...u shud go hear..^^

Tank - Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi


Lei le Zhao guan li nu li qing xing zhe Ye zhao guan li xiang ni le
Hao pa yi fang xin shui le Xin tiao zai meng zhong bu ting hua de Jiu ting zhi le
Ting zhe Hu xi xiang lang chao pai dong zhe Yue mei li yue rang wo tan te
Wo hai neng zhen xi shen me Ru guo wo lian zi ji de mai bo Dou nan zhang wo
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
Kuai le Shen me shi hou hui jie su ne Na yi ke shi zui hou yi ke
Xiang ba ni jing jing bao zhe Ke zhi ni shi wo sheng ming zhong de Zui she bu de
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zui pa wo tai be zheng qi
Wan gu de lai zai kong qi Ba zhan ni xin li Mei yi cun feng xi
Lian lei yi ran ai wo de ni Tong ku cheng shou shi qu
Zhe yang bu gong ping Qing ni jin li Ba wo wang ji




Translation

When I'm tired I keep trying hard to stay awake as usual I keep thinking of you as usual too
I'm really scared that when my mind is at rest and I'm asleep In my dreams my heartbeat won't listen to me And just stop
Listen; The sound of breathing like waves splashing The more beautiful it gets, the more I feel uneasy
What can I still cherish If I can barely control my own pulse?
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
Leaving you startled and weeping My ice-cold body No longer able to embrace you
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
I will hate myself For being so heartless
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
No chance Of us tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
If someone can [heal your wound] Let him stay accompany you I won't blame you
Happiness When will it end? When is the very end?
I really want to embrace you tightly Know that you're the one in my life I can't bear to leave the most
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
Leaving you startled and weeping, my ice-cold body no longer able to embrace you
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
I will hate myself For being so heartless
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
No chance to Tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
If someone can [heal your wound], let him stay accompany you, I won't blame you
If I became a memory - I'm most afraid that I'll let myself down
Stubbornly lingering in the air Dominating your heart Every part of it
Making the you that still loves me, suffer painfully for this loss
This isn't fair Please try your best To forget me

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Our outings

OKAY GUYS!
Today gonna update bout.......
MY OUTING WITH FARHANA!!
You see, at first our intention is very simple..Go to school to sahkan our matrx stuff.. HAHAHA (admit it, thats nt the main point..then go take pic in shop..fr matrcs.. (I kept do my hair n do my hair n do my hair till..the kak was like..ok od? I was like Havent..again n again..HAHA she is nice thankfully...wanna choose oso take duno how long).
.n go czip lee..(Ya, sounds so general..kononya go buy books...actually loiter around n do crazy stuff got lo..like..nvm...skip that) After collect my lenses, we go metro..
sudenly, while waiting fr lunch, we REALLY HUNGRY TIL KENOT STAND OD...wanna faint seriously..
So v go grab ice cream in the mcd booth...(I finished mine n I really REALLY dont wanna tell what happen to Farhana's Mcflurry...i dont thnk u wanna know either...
blek~ ) so we went like mad ppl go find padlock.
.(sempat tawar menawar smmr..)Then we was choosin the umbrella...
FOR HOW MANY HOURS I TELL YOU!!!
then lunch time
! Both of us rush like wt to go MCD aftr got tchrs call...n guess wat la, she decide to go cc n print out sum stuff til the whole lunch is over od. =='
Then, she wan go buy the alarm clock..(PINK N SUPER BIG i tell you)
all of us laugh lyk wat whn the kakak go try the sound..SWEAT! ==' So, we were really exhausted aftr tht. go to library while wait pengesahan...n Farhana sempat stack up the books to..............

Her : I need sum sleep
Me : Okay, go sleep lo.
Her : *lie down on the shelf* i need to lie down
Me : Okay,bttr lie down ni..so xing khu like tht
Her: kenot la..
Me: okay *lean on shelf...fold legs up n rest head on it* short while ltr,..

Me: What u doin?dun wan sleep od?
Her : urm...*stacking up books...* n thn.. baring on it..=='
Me : HAHAHAHAHA....-pillow-
both of us..WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



okay, she will smack me.......duh~
but
THANKS FARHANA FOR THE OUTING!! ONE OF THE BEST OUTINGS EVER>>>NOT JOKING!! Superb fun time...not bcz i went fr lunch not wif u..but tis is just simply fun!! LOVE YOU HUN!!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

miss you

I will miss you. I will miss you badly but i know i gotta let go, because its not meant to be.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Blurry vision

I am unsure now. Is this just a simple thing like i used to think? Or now its gotten much more complicated. Its my fault isn't it? Now payback time. I m no longer sure where I am heading. This is the reality, the society, the truth. This is where I am. but, by doin this, makes me more selfish than ever. Forgive me will you? I don't know why its gotten this far. I want to put a stop to all these, but i couldnt bring myself to so it. Maybe, after all, its a simply misunderstanding. Is it?Why..why must it be this way? There is no benefit. There is something more to me people would never understand. I am not the person people think I am. or I used to be. They will never know how much it hurts. Or, is this just another innocent game? I don't know, n I never want to know.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Welcome, me

WELCOME BACK, the old me. Someone whom i formerly feared. My ownself. In these past months, I have been hoping everything would be perfect. No regrets, no flaws, in order for me to pursue my studies in ease. At least, that was what I thought. I have left out something rather influential. My past life, who I was before. Not the one studying, not the one loitering, its the one part of me, whom needs help. That phase of lives a few years back was never easy, but with guidance, I made it. After a senior, Jia Ni whom help me lots left the school, I slowly learnt to be independant. I slowly learn to make it tru, bcoz I know I could no longer burden her. I never intended to. She changed my life for the better. Way better. As time passes, I grew up n left that part of me behind. I call it emo. Nowadays, I was wondering, why i really had strong emotion issues. And, its very familiar. Oh, an old friend of mine actually, the other part of me. Its been a long time i has this tht I thought wat was wrong with me. Then, after sum thinking, I realised this is not new, I was like this few years back. Nothing to be afraid of. I will just settle it the former way. Everythng would be fine. I was like this. I need some time. I can do it.

Driving test girl

Hi~ I met this girl yesterday, in my driving test venue.. She is VERY nice i tell you. Sze ern. I had thought her name is very cute...haha She is very frenly n believe me, with her around, you will never get bored. Never. There is always things to talk bout, laugh about n she make frens with almost every1. Frenly huh..^^ HAD LOTSA FUN WITH HER (ya, you.. ^^) HAHA...she was frm yu hua. N she got 2nd session fr exam, so can teman me until late. if not, i will be alone. sad huh...luckily, she is there to make the atmosphere way more fun..^^

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

driving

I failed the driving test. Really very dissapointed in myself. People kept saying, 'you so smart in school, sure driving oso can....no prob fr you...' okay, first, i m not that smart. Its just that I reli work hard thats all. 2nd, its no relation k...doent mean my exam result like this like this then i sure pass DRIVING okay........ i FAILED THE DRIVING TEST. GUDNESS... SO FRUSTRATED... thnks tcher fr making me feel better...was so sad bfr that..Thanks for the meal...(I M SO PAYING NEXT TIME)...NOT JOKING! >< make me feel so bad...THANKS niway...had fun with you today...though I reli sad...but reli fun...thnks...i got perlis matrix...duno when ni gt chance retake....haih...BUT ..I still believe........EVERYTHING HAPPEN FOR A REASON!!!!!! cheer up fion~

Monday, April 19, 2010

my adventure of life.

I m goin off to the other end of the country soon. I want to leave this town with a peace of mind, peace of state. I done mostly everything so I can be with solitude to pursue my studies. However, it kept occur to me that how bout my family? I know I sounds old, but I can't help it. The house will be less noisy without me around. No longer hearing my lousy piano songs everytime(the songs are nice, its just my skills), no more argues with sibling, nor no more comment from me about much things at home. I wouldnt be cycling around the park, nor play volleyball in my porch. i felt tht my bro will be lonely. My parents will miss me, I will miss them more. I know my role in the family and I know it well. I knew they would be worried. I will come bck frm time to time. (Though i dont know how to take a bus, I will learn..><). I will leave my frens, teachers, acuaintance n room, my room whom had company me fr a long time now. I will definitely miss YOU xy. During this term, many ppl gave support, n i reli appreciated it include they whom said willing to use up credit to keep in touch(dont regret later..HAHA) Well, as far as I go, this is it.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

illusions

Now, i felt there is two sides of me. The reality and the dreams, or more would i say, illusions. There are many things I could ever dream of in my world of illusions, but when i snap out of it, there are restrictions. Better be aware n stay out of it before its too late. Painful huh? In life there ought to be sacrifices big or small. When its time to let go, you should. By letting go, you will be able to move on..never turning back.

lessons

Today is my final lesson for driving. Yeah, after so long you might think. Indeed, I wasnt sure how good am I, or how otherwise. About the slope was a lil tricky. Its like I didnt put out enough clutch level or i let go too much n the car's engine stopped! Okay, today had repetitive trainings on that. Then, went on the road. As usual, see the buffalo, see the goats..(wait, thats yesterday..==') Okay, then went fr a brunch with instructor...(THANKS FOR THE MEAL ^^) So, later went back to circuit to thumbprint sum stuff. With a full tummy, drove back n now here I am..eating again..==' no wondr i was fat.... o.o Okay, wish me luck ya next tuesday !! ^^

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Here

I am here for you. Really. I am always here to catch you if you fall. YOu wouldnt read this post anyway. but, I am really here. If you look with your heart, you will see me here...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

template almost there...

Blog almost okay.................

Thursday, April 8, 2010

template in the way

SORRY FOR ALL THE BROKEN LINKS. BLOG UNDER EDITING PHASE. xoxo

Friday, March 19, 2010

RAPTOR WATCH IS BACK!

Hi! So whats hit??!
RAPTOR WATCH!

betcha you are right!so we made it through the event with
a pure heart n sincerity
to help the nature.
(mengaku ni la we had party there)
okay, first thing first.

ATTENTION: Farhana~tis pichas all rompk frm ur blog, so please be knid on me n not sue me on this

(hu ask u eat my octopus??)

We took a trucload of pics!
me n farhana spotlight event..no matter whr.
.eating, walking, talking, crappin...okay..but thr are place whr FARHANA being so nice to me, in 'editing the pics'
(belive me,just wait n see how i smack you)
so we switched! jeng jeng jeng..thx miss bernie...!Cozy huh...but she shifted niways...love u hanna!
-look at the bag, it wasnt half the among the amount she brought.. - =='
hanna kept puji her pic very nice...please lar...(okok, i admit, its nice... :)) dun angry~


ltr, after the briefing, we went to supper near the pool...it was more to..
MIDNIGHT SNACK!
ya, eat rice..funny!its so fattenning!
i was more worried she wil push us in to the pool in fact..


13th march~happy bufday yie yie!!RISE N SHINE PEOPLE!!! ok, me n farhana was sleeping so soundly on the bed when..........................................
UMAI
woke us up..haha..she is a nice girl i tell you..
(farhana is the lazy one)
haha, okay, umai reli vry teliti wan..
me n Ana : WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! SO FUNNY!!! BLAH~ BLAH~ *gossip this n gossip that* then, laugh fr no reason..---...WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Umai : shh~ jgn bising sangat...kuatnyer! (with the cute teguran face..CUTE!) Me n Ana : She so cute(^o^) we so noti.

************************************************************
(this multiply twice..hmm..alright! multiply 6 times...==')


yo! blue hippo
sesat from duno where...hahaha..pity lar...no1 look at him...
*i support you k..*oh! you know why...look!!
Maya karin
is in the hse! no wonder all the attention goes on stage!! poor the hippo...Me n Umai...The cars were already looking at us...
(bet thy were thinking : OI! dun halang the road!!!
for pictures sake ==' worth it k..look, how cute?)
The books sold in the boothes!!! okok, i admit, i look at the sourvenirs only...
(wh, if u prefer books, sorry didnt get 1 fr u..hahas)

OUR booth!! yezza! doin the alpha charms!! do till our waist oso feel so lenguh coz not enough chairs!! n so v nidda gv the customer sit... in the end of the day,omg...lie down on the bed so nice feeling i tell you...thanks to felicia too taught us how to do..muacks~


they are acting like selling n buying..they deserve the oscar award i tell you!


LOOK at the birds..there were thousands of thm!!!!!!!
PD scenery...pettay huh!
the 'Supermodel'...>< (awal awal dah mimpi dah..wake up dude!) housemates~so friendly~..


~excited~it was very fun...the instrumental play


~well i had no idea why the pic turn out like this~



out of nowhr, there is this show...suddenly ni...>< His voice very nice~*claps*


THAT nite, no electricity i tell you...my gudness...so bored...we hd lotsa girl talk with felicia too...
FUN!!
i plug in my earphones to well make me sleep earlier
then...............my leg pain man! i was like
~must be the standing n bending during the day...~(dun say i old lar..><) so when the electric is back, went outside to knock my leg...okok, nicer to hear..massage..haha...takkan u wan me to wake umai n farhana frm their beauty sleep, ltr they gt panda eyes will scold me wan..==' Then i got a good idea, went to the balcony, so nice., the night view is superb!! the beach...the lights...*how nice if you were there with me ^^* 3rd day~




~HeNnA~
funny pic..yay! cn see my face!
sense of freedom


this pic is reli one beautifully captured pic! bravo farhana!


blek~^^



seashell~ pretty huh
oh,hus leg is that at the back??haha umai berangan apa?^^



then we had to go back...it was amazingly a fun n priceless experience !

Credits~
MNS : Which organizethis meaningful event to create public awareness...fr mother nature

Miss Bernie : For giving us this chance to participate although we are very young with no experience in this,yet you let us in despite many others more eligible applied..thank you so much..^^

My parents : Whom trusted me to go Tanjung Tuan as a volunteer with my frens without their supervision.Fr the 1st time. Whom trusted me to be independent ...Thanks^^

Farhana n Umai : Ana fr informing me bout this n Umai fr teman us n sabar wif these immature kids punya kerenah, we feel SAFE n sense of secureness with her around taking care of us.we wun wake up late bcoz gt her to watch after us ALL THE TIME.i hope you will get to be with the abang kereta of urs in th future..(farhana, dun rebut la..u gt dr. fakhri).^^

Raptors~????!! fr flying here so we can see you all...^^ <3

THANKS!!! We learnt a lot! We hope to participate n encourage more people to volunteer to create public awareness on preserving nature in the future!!!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

CNY!!!^^

HaPpY ChInEsE NeW YeAr!!! okok, dont call me lame fr being so early about this k...juz kinda lazy on it...so this is how it went
1st day~ we went early in the morning...well..it was super packed!!like sardin in the car...thankfully, cousin tag along...making trip much more fun...^^ so fr reunion dinner, yeah, i stuff myself with tonnes of food...seriously..no kidding(letr i m gonna tell u how i put on my weight)..so v reached kinda early. n well, with my insomniac sleeping pattern, of course i cant sleep! wth...i rolled n rolled...wash up, stil rolling..so i settled with listening music n well..berangan...thn i juz slept..ok

CNY~ Followed dad to take satay in shop EARLY MORNING>>> wat? i have not enuf sleep...==' ya, i deserve it.. so









in Kg. Cina







Me, mum n lil puppy..! cute huh....^^ i so love it so much!

Me n Sean..he is 1 cute lil fella
Me n Alvin...yaya...我爱你了
Me n Kenneth...~i had no idea y most of ppl wear pink tht day~
Alvin! Look here!!! ^^
Me n Kenneth..ya...ignore the fact i m kinda short okay


Me and the beach..(??!!)





Me n Viviane...^^ p/s~ she oso vry tall



this pose inspired by wayne...##
me~
Me n Sean
Food~