Some people feel the rain, others just get wet

These days, spent most of my time in uni at the east coast and missed my parents anniversary day celebration! 

I love you both <3 div="" nbsp="">

Sorry for all the pain i have caused during teen times and now that i have found myself, I hope its not too late to give my all to this wonderful lovely family god has blessed me with. The love and sacrifice you both gave, I will never be able to repay but I promise I will try hard. Really hard.

 Hope we all can be together next lives so its my turn to love and care &

 try to repay all you have done for me. 

A few lifetimes will never be enough but I will try =)

 I truly love you all and there's nothing more valuable than every one of you. 

Stay lovely and may you both love each other unconditionally =) <3 div="">

Today is raya which means, in Kelantan, the city is in sleep. 

Went out for pizza with him being my hungry cranky self, but then all good when I am filled with carbs. A kiss on the forehead always makes everything better. 

Dinner, hungry again haha 

Just when i thought of cooking instant noodles, he cycled under the rain to send me food =') 

i was touched eventho i didnt say it out. Appreciate every little things you did okay?

 i never think I could love other guys (unrelated people) like how I love you. You pushed in so much tolerance, love and sacrifise for this relationship and definitely changed me for the better. You'd never give up on me no matter how much I broke your heart by doing nasty things, say hurtful words, but you always stick around, I used to think i am the wiser one but never i have been so wrong.

 For that, i thank you so much and promise to be a better person for myself and people around me.

I don't know what I don't know

Torn between reality and dreams

today was another unexpected on call. Went to hospital to expect an ordinary ward rounds with our favourite specialist but she did not come today. so like usual, covering beds incase any medical officers make any rounds we gotta present. We are in our 4th year and rushing like heck to complete our log book full of requirements. I've rushed and rushed, not knowing  in the process i might lose myself. What did i actually learn?did my case presentation improve? i dont think so. What i gain was the courage to stand up and say i would like to present this case. The first case was to a houseofficer in HRPZ which i did so badly but he was kinda cool so, it was fine. The next one, I have made own effort to go HRPZ on a public holidays with hope to clerk more patients, learn new stuff and this is my second presentation to a medical officer on an acute Rheumatic Fever superimposed with bacterial infection probably infective endocarditis where patient has a large VSD  and here, i've learnt something. The third one is  presentation of bronchopneumonia case with past hx of meningitis to a specialist in clinical teaching at HRPZ. The fourth one is to another houseofficer in the usm whom the case is bacterial pneumonia but here nothing much. The next one is to medical officer on acute bronchiolitis superimposed with bacterial infection and this was so so case. At night, presented my first ever case to a specialist in HUSM (Dr.S) and my legs was jittering I couldnt feel them. It was a simple febrile fit and dr stressed to rule out meningitis if not consequences coming for you tho. Today, this very night I've tried to present on bronchial asthma, a seemed so simple case, but for me the toughest in record already.Hard time arranging case and dr taught me so much on asthma that i felt i was next to knowing nothing this disease i've learnt for years! Senior was kind enough to give us the opportunity to present case, I felt guilty that she cant present, but thankful she gave me the chance. Thanks Rachel! If not, I would never know how little I dont know about asthma!i felt guilty but at the same time, if not, I wouldnt have been taught on asthma, and I would not improve and tonight ill be just another ordinary night where i've not presented any case and not learn anything. For me, medicine is an art that you practise. you learn from the mistakes of others and now as a student, i would like to grab any chances available to present my case so that i will learn when i got scoldings and guidance, I need that dr look in the eyes to tell me that i cannot kill any patient, I have to do something about it. I put all ego aside, all pride i washed it off and start zero. i want to present and let dr point out what i did wrong so I would not do such mistake in the future, so now meanwhile I can, i want to live by the motto just do it, wont die one. and by all the mistakes i've encounter and yet to come, i hope will shape me into a better safe dr in the future. filling in the logbook? learning more? I hope i could juggle more better =)

Ours

This childish love of ours, grown a lot ,seen a lot or hurdles as well as the finer sides. This childish love of ours, probably know to give it all, with certain expectations in return. This childish love of ours, probably seen more innocence from us than we really did. This weathered innocent love, is what I hope we can hold to for the rest of our lives. This weathered innocent love, wouldn't expect much in return, as you would say, I define happiness, to love much more than to be loved, for all we give because we know we eventually come around. This weathered innocent love, taught us to love, unconditionally :)

Hold your breath, because tonight will be the night i will fall for you, over again

Many will have expectations. Some demand to have a tall, dark and handsome. Some demand to have filthy rich Lamborghini with Mont Blancs. Some would prefer Charles Keith solely with a little touch of pink martini every now and then. Some wants simplicity and innocence. Some wants it without strings attached. Some wants it all.

WARNING : ITS GONNA BE A LONG WINDY POST.

Always I've heard of stories, really sweet romantic stories, from those exactly from novels fairytale to those where the world revolved only around them and to those whom sweet steady just perfect. It got me to ponder.

It truly sound so corny for me to write about this at 2am but i just thought i should. I am in a relationship with him for almost 4 years roughly now. Our relationship is far from perfect. I dont know where will we go in the future but one thing for sure, I am game for it.

It was a first, for both of us and me today must admit, we jumped into things. Jumped into a future full of possibilities without second thoughts. All I remember is, I don't want to have what ifs' in the future when i look back that evening. We were young and free. So much of innocence. Is innocence what true love demands? Or is it truly love only after when you think it through and know what and who you really want? But again, will it still be true love if you need to think about it that long? I've quoted this from a really good friend of mine without him knowing but thank you for this. Up to today, I still can't yet get an answer. For us, we started off with pure innocence and revolved around that as we grew too fast for reality and snap out of it. Then it got me thinking back again then. About everything. As we fall back into place, where we really belong.

We don't have love stories like fairytale and in movies. We are not like super rich pair where we can go fine dining in the city every now and then. We don't have a car nor freedom to go for midnight drives by the beaches beneath palm trees and dip in jacuzzis. We don't have the luxury to go for vacations together all the time. I dont have a documented proposals nor much recognition for the matter of fact. And for our personalities differ, I don't really get often surprises nor sticky notes on my water tumbler nor handmade breakfasts. I mind, but I guess, there are far more important things that counts as the journey slowly unfolds itself.

Few years back, started off as hate because he kinda look like my besties ex, i had no idea I end up with him today.We end up holding same post in a matriculation body and thats how we started. Buying groceries every forthnightly for each other(you see, in matrics, they separate the outing schedule, alternate females and males, so i cant get my fruit storage after it is finished within a week, and i must have it! call me moron but that is who I am ) We are so friendzoned that i had to carry all those heavy plastic bags all the way to dormitory and he dont even put a thought in mind to come and lend me a hand (mengaku je la Fion, its all YOUR stuff not his! =S) To defend myself, bag of  apples are not heavy for him but it is for me! That time at least. Felt like I was evaporating crazy under the scorching sun! Not to mention, the 2.5 kg soap powder and I was screaming inside on why did I agree! (You guys must be wondering why he need so much, you see, trend is changing, we girls are using the machine and he is still scrubbing his clothes everyday. Full stop.) I literally gave him that glare -.-'' (He didnt notice i guess or maybe i was just covering up to show buff, aah, all crap). Many occasions where I had a strong feelingthat we will meet and we did. Its like this telepathy thing that the old me used to believe. Gosh. And everytime we are chatting heading in the same direction, his leaps are so freaking huge that he forgets I dont have spider legs like him. I literally need to jog and pant beside of him. And as time pass, he slowed down, bit by bit. Until I dont have to speed up anymore. And I realise we are walking in the same pace. He is still very quiet tho, and to erase the awkward silence on our ocassional bump ins, I had to put up a conversation which i swore did not come as easy as it will be now. I had no idea on how we started texting and asking bout daily stuff. His basketball like usual up to today. We chatted for a couple of months and grew closer perhaps. But a fact, he ignores me like level 9000. The closer we got on phone, the further we grew apart in reality. Bump ins became even more awkward and weird. Accidental meet ups just to avoid eye stares, even more far than a stranger. After a while, I was really hurt. I did not think much, I just take it as close friends whom oh well, grew closer with time .., never know it could lead nor dare I hope for anything more. We stopped texting and i had no idea how it started back again after that. -.- Partial juvenile amnesia. Gosh I need a shrink.

And to a day where coincidentally being a technology noobie just discovered a setting where it auto counts your text and I realised out texts almost reach a thousand! (I am a lazy girl, no habit of clearing inbox, totally opposite from him). So one day like usual when we chatted, I just flew in a text and said, its gonna be our first thousand text in a few. And i just expect a meaningful friendship forever text that i can really keep. (told you I was thattt friendzoned or are we both blind gosh).

**I am just gonna Skipp all the mid part and few months after that and the drama in between on how we got together...blaa blaa..***

We didnt have our meals together even weeks after that only occasionally.. damn paiseh ok...-.- Okay, then a while after that , we had a vacation in Penang with a bunch of friends which is awkward still...super shy like crap please lah...gosh Cant get used to the status even after sometime. *Thinking bout it, damn traditional la -.-* Only hold hands when we had to cross the road. And then in that vacation also only I realise he's a Buddhist when i saw him pray at temple. and the convo goes something like this :

*In the bus*
Me: Hmm, I got something to ask o, hope you dont mind?
Him: Yeah, sure..anything?
Me: hmm, you can pray at temple wan ah?*damn scared*

~~Awkward moment~~~
Him: Urm why not? *Crease forehead in curiosity*
Me: I don't know. I thought , urm...eh , you are in what religion one?*Poker face*
Him: Buddhist lar...-.- *That sweat face*
Me: EH EH really mehh? You sure or not?Dont cheat me leh
Him: *Shouted at another friend of ours : Hey, ZY, I am a buddhist right?
                                                                    ZY: Yeah, why?
                                                                  : Nothing much, thatnks!
         SEE??
Me: ...okayy...

~~~~~~
I swore, that time, i feel like the most embarassing moment in my life. I just wanna jump off the bus and go back to my hostel.  (Think about it, nah, not really, the sequel is far more embarassing)

And so I tried to redeem myself.

Me: but..but..but...I thought... aiya, how I know wor...you got english name in front at your IC...cant
        blame me for assuming ur a Christian ma, see?
Him: Tell me then , what bout your name pulak?
Me: Nice weather today, grins~

.............

Okay, i deserve a smack isnt it, i think some miscommunication la in the past, i remembered we chatted bout this and got some misunderstanding i guess. Oh well, we were that blind isnt it. *Or is it just me -.-

We were new and clumsy when like I said, we jumped into things earlier, but we know, we do care, we do feel.

In matrics, we did not study together like all the other couples. I will seek him when i need his help but besides that, we move at our own pace and we believed its what best for us. I am okay with it , hes okay with it, up till today. After sometime, we will have regular dinner together at night and have a stroll around campus and go back to our own rooms after that. We will chat about a lot alot of things and get to know each other better i guess.

Approaching the graduation time (matrics course only a year before we enter university), I started to snap out of it and get to thinking again. Our night strolls became slightly more to discussions, of future and career and paths. I remembered when we both sat at the bench under the open sky filled with stars and staring ahead. What if we did not end up in the same university? Can we still be together? Can we still keep this relationship? It did brought tears to my eyes thinking of the endless possibilities. Optimistism beats it all i suppose? We tried to make as if 5 years sound short, we planned visits to our respective universities during holidays, writing letters, surprises and calls. We believe that it all will be just fine as long as we are both still in love and trust each other.

And heck i didnt expect we will be in the same university and here we are.

 I am evermore thankful to have us supporting each other in this tough course and definitely, i love him more everyday as i slowly learn to see the side of him no one ever knew existed. 

As he potrays differently than who he really is.

 He taught me more about life, about things i never thought of. 

He brought the best out of me and I hope i do the same to him. He gave me freedom in approaching my dreams and always very supportive in everything i do, even it means watching me do mistakes and forgiving me every time. 

He loved me in a different way by believing in me even it means letting me grow by myself, never controlling me nor hold me captive.

 I know he cares and worried about me but he still always made the painful decision of setting me free to do what i really want because he respects my decisions, what i want from life.

 He believed that this is the best that he can give me. And it really is.

 We are 2 people from separate worlds, dreaming of different kind of lives ahead, but I believe that we can work things out.

 These years evolve and let me see who he truly is and i came know its the right decision that day. I love you and hope to spend the rest of our lives together. Happy 22nd birthday =)

Because a man like you is impossible to find.

Yours truly,
Just me

Can't sleep so..

Okay,3 more days and see what's my plan :-

Friday : 

morning till after lunch-psychiatry  usmle,first aid main 5 disorder, pbl

Noon 3pm : gastrointestinal usmle,pbl and note

7.00 pm: respiratory & pbl 

Bfr sleep: foundation

Saturday 

Morning: haemato pbl,transfusion rxn

Noon : endocrine

Evening : gut

Bfr sleep: foundation

Sunday

Morning : Cns usmle and spinal cord lesion,

Noon: important topics

Evening: past year

calling

the calling aint easy but i promise to do something about it

Moving on

Times running out, energy is draining out, PRO 2 is COMING! exactly two weeks from now, buckle up your shoes, get set for the run. Keep a steady marathon, pray hard and good luck. I believe if we all do what we have always wanted to do, to be a doctor and help mankind, but for me its far more a selfish reason. When I help others, I am helping myself. The satisfaction, the solitude, the gratitude I can never learn otherways and this feeling is what fuel me to propel towards my dream. Keep thinking about the days where I can finally lift someone's burden, when I can finally ease their pain. I dont just wanna be a doctor, I want to always be there for them and their families, holding their hands till they're alright. I can't help all but I promise i will do my best to make sure they dont feel they are fighting this battle alone.

Shut down the ego,
shut down the pride,
every one is the same,
in god's eye,
long way to go,
I somehow know,
Its a long journey of life,
I am about to behold

As for a start, let the journey to gain unlimited knowledge seeking begins, for the better of yourself, patients and all.=) Good luck

coffee stained shortcoat girl going for heckload fun adventure aftr exam. Yes, i dont have to repeat myself. Kthxbye =P

Kolej Matrikulasi Perlis 2010, where I used to be =)

Self defined happiness

As they say, happiness is self defined. At this state,  I am not sure wether am i happy or I am just being ignorant enough to look past what i truly need. Realised what I have truly become, not too bad of a shape deep down or how am I being perceived,  however still does not define who I am, dragged by reality, split by others. When can I actually define my own happiness? When the time comes only I can confidently tell myself how far have I walked. As for now, pieces of my everywhere, flown by the upcoming wind, not bothering on how to gather myself back up because I was so exhausted by everything. Exhausted by the exams, and the courage to pull myself together. I must admit that even with the tough course in dealing with humans' lives, I am more than willing. The more I study, the more I realise I dont know, and hence making me want to know more. Probably, the more I know, the more I felt I was responsible for others. It breaks my heart to know an important undiagnosed symptom of a patient by his dr but the glowing face he gave when someone cared, was priceless. Those nights filled with tears after every encounter with those strong, filled with courage cancer patients made me realise I was way too weak. They in return taught me courage. I could never repay all of you, but I promise to be a good doctor. There is no 'I will try', but I will make sure I will be one.  I am truly concerned. I really am. I want to change lives. not only their health, but soul as well. I am not that wise but I am learning. I want to bring change to humanity and to carve smiles or to at least lend my shoulder to crutch the broken soul. I was lost me myself, and now still occasionally do. I am learning more than every from my family, friends and definitely my evermore willing patients. Each restless night from the hospital from clerking will give an extra mile towards achievng my dreams. I no longer want to be affected by others, I want to grow and nurture self aim and self motivation deep inside. I want to be doing something because I really want to. I no longer want anyone else to define who I am. Long way to go, but I am up for it. My life, my choices.This, made me happy.

:)

When we were younger in china. Yesterday had a conversation with him, was saying 'how come today you're so irritable?' He replied,'learnt this from you '

Me: then why would you wanna be my boyfriend ?

And he said, to tame this wild animal  :')

better tomorrow

EXAM DAY 1

SBQ
it was on of the most uncertain paper i have taken in medical school. Probably many might say its easy but for me its not. Its fuul of depth and probably more towards clinical apporach. Hopefully with all this mistakes i have done , i wont repeat in the future and get to be a better dr. Some things are learnt with regrets and pain, Some things not. but In the end of the day, everything happen for a reason and trust god and you will be just fine =) hope for a better tomorrow ^^

Coming

one more crappy 2 minutes post to express how i feel. ITS IN 3 DAYS!!!  wanna push to see how far your memory can go, try medical school. try keeping yourself in 4 walls to study fr a month. Dont even know what day is it now. Okay, that was exxageration but you get my point. Should pray harder.

ps-ok that was only 30 seconds.

Regards,
Me

Aint about the title

Now, going through one of the biggest exam in medical school for 2nd phase in 3rd year. When they say not easy to go through med school, i can really feel it now. From the brain to psychosis to babies to infectious disease to viruses to heart and lungs to intestine to all the drugs, prozac, amphotericin B, lamortrigine, HAART, SSRI's, to clinical to IV tubes.. gosh ...The Dr. title in front of family name is really that hard to earn, but i hope it will all be worth it when i can make my parents proud of their little girl and efforts put into raising this little rascal will be worthy of the time and energy =)

I wanna enter 4th year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D lol i smirk at myself when i read that .___.

An embarassing wake up call from Mr. Future

Today is like any other day.  

* warning, long post ahead*

An-almost weekend and definitely suppose to spark an excitement or two.

 Typing this in Pc number 12 in the cyberlab just because my iOs aint have any keyboard .___. 

Morning throw on a weathered white coat and planned for clerking session with moms-to-be and palpate their round bellies just to say hi to baby on board! Everything was good till we decide to go to the labour room. its my second time here and will post up another on the first bloodshed-baby-poppin event soon! I'm having mixed feelings bout it, not sure funny, guilty or a realisation? Probably its all in. Went and wondered aroung there until a nurse called us in.  

*breath in, breathe out~~*  

we're only almost finishing our 3rd year, usually not needed or wanted in the labour place since we cant do anything but messing things up .Ha ha. =.= Was so scared that i will meet any doctors that will ask lotsa tonnes questions which we absolutely have no idea on!

Sneak around until a nurse asked us to find a husband of this lady who is delivering like now! so we scout and scout , asked around like some moron, but one thing you gotta develop as a medical student is to be thick skinned. Like REAL thick. 

Go through all the rejections, ignorance and nagging from eveyone, literally eveyone but I felt its a good opportunity to learn.

Rejected once, walk away with swollen heart and frustrated mood. Rejected twice, still frustrated, no longer hurtful. Rejected third time, its okay, just try another one. Rejected again, whats the worse? we've been thorugh every rejection possible, what could be worse than the day the curtain being closed without any words uttered in front of your face? There you gain courage. It probably sound like b***s**t to many, but believe me, enter medical school, its far from crap.   

And to continue the story, we went upstair to find him and saw a guy so we asked. He just nodded and agreed that he is the guy but insisted that the nurse asked him to go to the ward instead of labour room. Long story short, brought him there, and the first thing he said was, THAT'S NOT MY WIFE!  Sounds funny right, I m laughing while typing this but *At that point, I can literaly swear that i can hear out hearts thumped on the floor* Faced flushed like, like cranberries, i don't know! Just shoot me for the lack of vocab. The nurse was already questioning about what is him doing there, using wrong pathways, invading others privacy and why did we bring him there plus him being uneasy and at the verge of controlling anger. We were so scared and being 'young kids' got lectured by the nurse  on the right procedure and stuff, but she was really patient. Thank you =) . After the nurse clear up the misunderstanding and ushered him out, we DARE NOT use the same route incase we will see him and escaped via another door -.- 

Very unimpressive aye gosh* 

I am sorry mr. Didnt mean to piss you off, it was a big misunderstanding =( 

Hopefully he will be all cheery when he gets to see his freshly popped up baby! ^^

we managed, but the lecture after that i couldnt focus a single bit. Not because of the incident but instead the realisation it brought me. We as a medical student, not a doctor, still have the privillege to escape and dont have any responsibility to carry on our back. But what happens when you graduated and carry the Dr. at the front of your name? Nothing to be glamoured about but the expectations, the pressure, the responsibility you carry at your shoulder, can easily be more than what you can bear. Okay, besides bearing babies. You can always bear more babies. -.- 

5 years in medical school is just the tip of the iceberg,  

there's a freaking glass of cola beneath! 

Today made me realise how easy am I affected by disapointment with myself, hoping and always wishing I could do better and meet everyone's expectations. Maybe they will just forget about it, but I never will. I will People say I can't satisfy all, but i cant live with regrets and all of these gotta come with mistakes and experience as somethings are better to learn with the pain. I know, but its a seriously bitter-gourd bitter pill to swallow =( 

Everytime I do a mistake, I will really feel remorse and guilt. When i think of their feelings and put my feet into them, I felt uttermost regret on not being able to provide them with better morning. but without all these small mistakes which is good for me,  I dont think I will be who I am today and i hopefully can avoid any disastrous wrongs in the future. 

For doctors, really, cant afford mistakes, its people's lives you are dealing with, every single soul is someone's wife, husband, child, brother, cousin, lover, friends. Today taught us to be VERY CRYSTAL CLEAR on patient identification or you will end up giving wrong group blood or tell wrong results.

Now, we as students ran away from the reality of facing the truth, can just laugh it off. Nobody knows you. 

It could be one of the most random memory you have about college but When you become a doctor, are you capable to face everything rationally, are you capable to spill the news of someone's death ?

Can you cope with the sympathy even if not empathy? 

Can you face the dying patients and promise to be by their side and hold their hands till their last breath, learning something in the process of losing another precious life, carrying on with the trust they left you with? 

Or will it be just another day?

Let the gone, be bygone and if you learn something, it has a reason after all.

Not all who wander are lost

Lone soul, doesn't mean I am lonely,
Sieving the broken past ain't too easy,
Breaching ties, isn't it really bad?
Question myself, felt everything but regrets

As the wandering me seeks for myself,
Not sure if thats emptiness all i felt,
Or is that a serene thought that fill it up,
Or is that a dream I wanna grasp.


That dancing glimmer whispering through,
Shots of memories passing by you,

I thought i knew,
I really wish I would

For the heart can feel,
what the eyes can't see,

Probably its my choice to wander,
but as they say, 

not all who wander are lost,
they just don't wanna be found.

Tzu Chi Event and its impact on my life to a self realisation journey

* Drags blistered feet to laptop and turn it on just for the sake so i dont forget today...*

#A post drafted few months ago#

It was a Tzu Chi event in Kota Baru held somewhere around muzium kesenian . 

They are on a country tour to raise money to build school in Penang. 

I was incharged of the food section and they gave me a set of head scarf and apron plus mask. *excites* put it on an almost everyone called me a canteen auntie...HAHAHA  *still excites* Serve food and wash dishes most of the time...

When I served food for the meals, most of the  times where i cant speak anything but just to smile and move to the next person. However, remember? 

i was wearing a mask.  I tried hard to smile beneath but i am just not too sure. 

Can they really see my smile through my eyes?

 Can people really do that? 

I believe so. I smiled hard that my face was crooked from the cramps under it but yet, i smiled. 

 A thing i gotta ponder today,

The higher you are, the lower you should go.

I still remember when i was busy working at a bakery, mostly i mop floor, and handle the baked goods. Mom said do you have to? you are gonna be studying medicine and be a doctor real soon, just rest and take your time. 

I didnt. I insist and went for the job and I am glad I can continue studying after that hard time. 

That i have a choice to do what i want. I am glad i went there. I am glad even if i have to do various things i had never done before considering i was lucky enough to be born in a happy family. I wash the trays every morning, like a huge stack of it, clean the countertops, packing breads, bear with customer complains, learning to manage money and the machine, clean the floor, dirty myself and rush all the time, but it was worth it.

 The people there are very nice, they care for me, they actually love me ^^ giving me free breads and stuff, treat me real nice...even tho i am a newcomer and doesnt know anything! They dont judge and very humble people. Unlike many that i had known in the past. The thought me how to be down to earth and definitely non judgemental even all they know about me is that i had just finished matrix thats all. When i was leaving and ordered an ice cream cake, she made it specially decorated just for me. I was truly touched. :')

A confession bringing the worse out of me: 

In the event, i was treated as an equal but deep down inside i felt how it was like to be working for other classes of people. Its hard to say this, but I felt low. I felt i lost all my ego that time. i was being masked, nobody knows who I am (only friends would) .

 By this, I can truly appreciate whom is a truely kind in nature or those who judge people on their status. When people know that you are a medical student, they treat you well, with respect and manners. When you are masked by merely a mask doing dishes for others by the tap, many  will still respect and appreciate you there. but the ugly truth is, some will no longer see it that way. Some will treat you as you are not on equal, like someone lower. Probably its just me being sensitive. 

I just hope everyone will treat others the same no matter weather they are in a coat or in an apron. This time I'd learnt to put all the ego away, treat is as something i gotta learn on human equality.

 How i learn to treat everyone the same. 

To not judge. A mentality not excluding myself gotta improve for the better in humanity. 

All in all, the higher you get, the lower you should go. 

If i realised i did not, i will start to pray and ask god to help find myself.

 When i get there, i am truly grateful =)

We are all humans. And we will always have the same, equal rights.

Footnote: Sorry for any offences, they are not intentional. 

Just purely an opinion and nobody is perfect including myself.