CLICK.CLICK

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Self defined happiness

As they say, happiness is self defined. At this state,  I am not sure wether am i happy or I am just being ignorant enough to look past what i truly need. Realised what I have truly become, not too bad of a shape deep down or how am I being perceived,  however still does not define who I am, dragged by reality, split by others. When can I actually define my own happiness? When the time comes only I can confidently tell myself how far have I walked. As for now, pieces of my everywhere, flown by the upcoming wind, not bothering on how to gather myself back up because I was so exhausted by everything. Exhausted by the exams, and the courage to pull myself together. I must admit that even with the tough course in dealing with humans' lives, I am more than willing. The more I study, the more I realise I dont know, and hence making me want to know more. Probably, the more I know, the more I felt I was responsible for others. It breaks my heart to know an important undiagnosed symptom of a patient by his dr but the glowing face he gave when someone cared, was priceless. Those nights filled with tears after every encounter with those strong, filled with courage cancer patients made me realise I was way too weak. They in return taught me courage. I could never repay all of you, but I promise to be a good doctor. There is no 'I will try', but I will make sure I will be one.  I am truly concerned. I really am. I want to change lives. not only their health, but soul as well. I am not that wise but I am learning. I want to bring change to humanity and to carve smiles or to at least lend my shoulder to crutch the broken soul. I was lost me myself, and now still occasionally do. I am learning more than every from my family, friends and definitely my evermore willing patients. Each restless night from the hospital from clerking will give an extra mile towards achievng my dreams. I no longer want to be affected by others, I want to grow and nurture self aim and self motivation deep inside. I want to be doing something because I really want to. I no longer want anyone else to define who I am. Long way to go, but I am up for it. My life, my choices.This, made me happy.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

:)

When we were younger in china. Yesterday had a conversation with him, was saying 'how come today you're so irritable?' He replied,'learnt this from you '
Me: then why would you wanna be my boyfriend ?
And he said, to tame this wild animal  :')

Monday, April 14, 2014

better tomorrow

EXAM DAY 1

SBQ
it was on of the most uncertain paper i have taken in medical school. Probably many might say its easy but for me its not. Its fuul of depth and probably more towards clinical apporach. Hopefully with all this mistakes i have done , i wont repeat in the future and get to be a better dr. Some things are learnt with regrets and pain, Some things not. but In the end of the day, everything happen for a reason and trust god and you will be just fine =) hope for a better tomorrow ^^

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Coming

one more crappy 2 minutes post to express how i feel. ITS IN 3 DAYS!!!  wanna push to see how far your memory can go, try medical school. try keeping yourself in 4 walls to study fr a month. Dont even know what day is it now. Okay, that was exxageration but you get my point. Should pray harder.

ps-ok that was only 30 seconds.

Regards,
Me

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Aint about the title

Now, going through one of the biggest exam in medical school for 2nd phase in 3rd year. When they say not easy to go through med school, i can really feel it now. From the brain to psychosis to babies to infectious disease to viruses to heart and lungs to intestine to all the drugs, prozac, amphotericin B, lamortrigine, HAART, SSRI's, to clinical to IV tubes.. gosh ...The Dr. title in front of family name is really that hard to earn, but i hope it will all be worth it when i can make my parents proud of their little girl and efforts put into raising this little rascal will be worthy of the time and energy =)

I wanna enter 4th year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D lol i smirk at myself when i read that .___.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Self defined happiness

As they say, happiness is self defined. At this state,  I am not sure wether am i happy or I am just being ignorant enough to look past what i truly need. Realised what I have truly become, not too bad of a shape deep down or how am I being perceived,  however still does not define who I am, dragged by reality, split by others. When can I actually define my own happiness? When the time comes only I can confidently tell myself how far have I walked. As for now, pieces of my everywhere, flown by the upcoming wind, not bothering on how to gather myself back up because I was so exhausted by everything. Exhausted by the exams, and the courage to pull myself together. I must admit that even with the tough course in dealing with humans' lives, I am more than willing. The more I study, the more I realise I dont know, and hence making me want to know more. Probably, the more I know, the more I felt I was responsible for others. It breaks my heart to know an important undiagnosed symptom of a patient by his dr but the glowing face he gave when someone cared, was priceless. Those nights filled with tears after every encounter with those strong, filled with courage cancer patients made me realise I was way too weak. They in return taught me courage. I could never repay all of you, but I promise to be a good doctor. There is no 'I will try', but I will make sure I will be one.  I am truly concerned. I really am. I want to change lives. not only their health, but soul as well. I am not that wise but I am learning. I want to bring change to humanity and to carve smiles or to at least lend my shoulder to crutch the broken soul. I was lost me myself, and now still occasionally do. I am learning more than every from my family, friends and definitely my evermore willing patients. Each restless night from the hospital from clerking will give an extra mile towards achievng my dreams. I no longer want to be affected by others, I want to grow and nurture self aim and self motivation deep inside. I want to be doing something because I really want to. I no longer want anyone else to define who I am. Long way to go, but I am up for it. My life, my choices.This, made me happy.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

:)

When we were younger in china. Yesterday had a conversation with him, was saying 'how come today you're so irritable?' He replied,'learnt this from you '
Me: then why would you wanna be my boyfriend ?
And he said, to tame this wild animal  :')

Monday, April 14, 2014

better tomorrow

EXAM DAY 1

SBQ
it was on of the most uncertain paper i have taken in medical school. Probably many might say its easy but for me its not. Its fuul of depth and probably more towards clinical apporach. Hopefully with all this mistakes i have done , i wont repeat in the future and get to be a better dr. Some things are learnt with regrets and pain, Some things not. but In the end of the day, everything happen for a reason and trust god and you will be just fine =) hope for a better tomorrow ^^

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Coming

one more crappy 2 minutes post to express how i feel. ITS IN 3 DAYS!!!  wanna push to see how far your memory can go, try medical school. try keeping yourself in 4 walls to study fr a month. Dont even know what day is it now. Okay, that was exxageration but you get my point. Should pray harder.

ps-ok that was only 30 seconds.

Regards,
Me

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Aint about the title

Now, going through one of the biggest exam in medical school for 2nd phase in 3rd year. When they say not easy to go through med school, i can really feel it now. From the brain to psychosis to babies to infectious disease to viruses to heart and lungs to intestine to all the drugs, prozac, amphotericin B, lamortrigine, HAART, SSRI's, to clinical to IV tubes.. gosh ...The Dr. title in front of family name is really that hard to earn, but i hope it will all be worth it when i can make my parents proud of their little girl and efforts put into raising this little rascal will be worthy of the time and energy =)

I wanna enter 4th year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D lol i smirk at myself when i read that .___.