I LoVE DoNuTs, So WhAt? =p

Medical School

2011-12-16T10:14:00.000+08:00

M.e.d.i.c.a.l. S.c.h.o.o.l.~

Sounds awesome?Or it brings a chill in ur spines? or both?

My lifelong dream. Med. Doc. Mercy. Period. you get it. (i hope =P)

Well, it wasn't till form 5 i decided to enter med school and put all my efforts to ensure my dreams come true.

Everything.

I basicly put in everything. Okay,maybe that was of an exegeration. pfft~

get in matrix, do what i needa do...and here i am~

Who the heck said med school was easy? well, nobody. du~

Since 1st day of med school, never stoped for once, because if i do, will be left behind and wel, the feeling is hurm, not pleasant i guess.

first test is over,results are out.

thankful~ god really helped me this time i bet.

So its time for...........................

CELEBRATION? NOT!

No such thing. wel, life moves on. entered central nervous system. one of the hardest chapter. with bundles of lecture notes screaming to be touched, with Patestas neuroanatomy or Snell's, with the internet(suckish line niways,just random ==') its still hard~

The main point today, I lost my motivation, Gotta get it back. Why would i wanna be a doctor? is it still because of i wanna save peoples' lives? or has it became about money and realistic reasons?

People grow. People change. but one thing i am sure, its not the same. (wth, it rhymes ,i can go for riddles writing instead==' )

When i see ambulance pass me by, how i wish i could help. maybe this is why. i wanna be a doctor.

A good one.

I do not hope to open a clinic. I would want to be a doctor without borders. I would want to help those whom really need me. I would wanna be there for them. I guess they are my motivation. I did not choose to enter med sch for money. or for fame. I enter medical school to be a doctor. 5 years would be worth it.

Sacrifice is needed but i would do whatever it takes. I hope i can grad as a M.D holder then. nobody said it was easy. but one thing i know, I would never give up. I would not want to watch people in pain but i cant do anything. i felt so meaningless.

I truly hope god will bless my journey in being a doctor.

Just me,
Fion Liew.

move

2011-10-08T02:07:00.002+08:00

Its been a while...many written but un-posted stories...finally i decided to post one thing that did shake my head.

a little.

Today,was thanks giving party at Ivan's...

(mind you, Ivan Chong whom house a stone;s throw away==' )

AND we blast it off...super fun...had multiple piano jam sessions...piano and more piano and Ivan has really beautiful fingers...same goes to Titus...hearing players! super awesome.! single n available girls,watch out..betcha fall fr them.......xD alrite...kidddin...

ANd the main point is today i realise a lot of stuff...new stuff...and i came to knew that different people got different point of view...and i met many people before...many views...many thoughts...and how i realise when i m in different environment, i wil get diff kind of influence...and some are un-undoable...like who i am. when u enter different stages of life,u wil have diff things to think about...diff point of view...things doesnt always go the way u wanted it to. ...at one point of ur life...u realise what you are in isnt what u planned. or what you're in isnt what you wanted initially or what you feel though it stings,u gotta pick it up n move on. =)

Stop n stare, i think i m movin but i don;t know whr...

2011-07-03T01:01:00.009+08:00

Hi.

Fion here.

Yeah,old me, the one few years back.
(wait, i m talking as if i m having a split persona...choi~@@)

not the one happy go lucky, super optimistic girl whom go around dont care wthr its snowing or drought in my face...who cares?

~~(ok,i admit,but if its a huge pimple or acne or peeled skin,sorry,rain or no rain, i m gonna get it done thr n then, no buts=S)~~

its the one whom think around alone.

here.

I missed the time alone in a room crowded of people.

I missed my past. The past me. I stop n stare today. I missed my moments.

Suddenly there urge a sense of belonging i really wished i had.
I felt like no where to be found..like i dont belong .

Again,nothing is perfect. Not to say u wil get everything that u want,as ur please...it depends. There are times i just dont know what i want.

I dont know to further push myself or just sit and wait.

Humans are so complex.

I know everyone is different. Suddenly i just felt the need of someone who understands. I missed you Jia Ni...whr are you? cant contact you...u chged ur no.?or fb? text me kies if u evr see this...I reli miss you...=)

I nid a person whom really knows whats goin on.who help me out when i m lost.......

Why suddenly i felt detached?why? never knew...but i knew many had changed my life fr the better...barely knew my past..i wonder whr did the old me go?

i realised it today, when i played the keys on school's silk yamaha piano which replaced the memorable weinbach. i think of who i used to be.............

I hope to get solitude...get a break frm this reality a whl...just me n myself...go see sunrise...go see moonlight...knock myself up or go walk around in town alone perhaps...go hv a closer touch with tranquility...wif myself...

take a step bak n think...think well...

I felt i dont know you well.

Am i a barrier that stop you from being who you wanna be?i felt there are lots of you fr me to discover if ur willing to open up. or am i just thinking the unnecesary? I hope i have a place in your life like how u did in mine...am i in ur heart? i hope i do play some role in ur life,...i just hope...if time is what it takes,be it...

A song i wana dedicate to whoever reading this...Circles by Tino Coury

Just me,

Fion Liew

Beyond selfishness. Are you game?=P

2011-06-22T12:44:00.005+08:00

Today,

gonna start off with a motto of mine, -to let others-.

No,there is nothing wrong wif it. Yes,-to let others-.

Okay,if ur gonna start wif how terible is my english, save it. muet's over .

Something I learn these few weeks,

life is like this,you want it or not.

Many, in fact, most people are selfish.

Selfish cn be defined in many aspects. selfish for properties, selfish for own glory, selfish for fame n etc.

These are those aspects which i believe many people have n not very descent indeed.

Well, these types...

selfish for self survival,selfish to be loved, these are the ones that many tend to be

Unavoidable.even I have it kays.
(human nature...unless ur a pencil case...different story..*shake it off*)

but

Selfish for loved ones

this the one selfishness i can actually hear and accept because i've seen those whom are slfish purely of the safety n livelihood of their family and spouse.

These, i truly salute. They willing to sacrifice their own time n energy etc etc...of themselves n others, just fr their family.

Not many hv this type of selfishness.

(Come on, if you said nope, non of these describes me even slightly, suck it up, ask urself again)

Okay, but generally,excluding the final statements, I would have a life motto.

(i sound like n exageration isnt it)

In anyway, in anytime, to let others. This, wil make me live my life as i want it to be.

I m not divine, i m just another ordinary girl.

Trying to make people I care happy. People around me happy. People I love happy.

I couldnt generally satisfy every one.

so i chosed to prioritise people whom I care and try my best fr everyone i know. Just sumtimes,i cant. Im not that strong. but I do try.

(Sorry, except if you're being a b*tch n royal pain in the neck to everyone, nope.you're not worth it as far as i concern )

I truly dont respect those whom trash others, whom look down on others thinking they are so great, those whom hipocrite n backstabbers. seriously, get a life dude. If you keep up with tis atitude, you r a waste of space.

but i havent met any now...if i do, hope i can make them change?=)

Those i care, i really care. but In the way of letting others, i plan to satisfy everyone,to give the best they can get, even if it means putting me out of the picture, but giving them what they needed or wanted, sometimes, it might not be the best option.

I realised that people I care, cared of me as well.

They would want me in the picture of theirs, not all,

IN the end, there will be a solution planned. I dont have to worry. Its been there all the long . I just dont see it. Its just there. Evrythng will be laid there for us to see.

The truth,the solution,the reason..everthng fixes like an...

-auto made puzzle-

wow..it sound cute. I might open a company with this name. automade puzzle.

Okay,anyway, as we're waiting fr truth unfolds,

i hope no1 reads this post. well,i dun think any1 does,its in its hibernating mode!wif my imaginary cat perhaps?

Anyway, i feel that,its not a matter if we sacrifice our own benefits lets say, for others opinions and wants.

For me, I dont mind because when i fullfill others wants, i will be satisfied and happy.

No matter what it put me tru. when people I cared about are happy, I will be.
It just feel worth it. I never want to make others hard. I try my very best to avoid givin trouble to people or chines call it 'mafan'. others. Never. I will feel bad.

So even if i need to put in effort, i dun mind as long as others will not be troubled. You must sorta predict feelings of others,their opinions.

Not everyone will just wear their moods on their sleeves. not everyone will shout out if they are pissed. not everyine will weep in fron of you if they r sad.

Last time i used to think its not necessary,but now i feel how important is

childhood home education on courtesy and self principals.

It wil reflect hu ur gonna be in the future. I m not perfect. nobody is. I have own flaws n weakness. but i m yet to discover. i did mistakes in my past. I will learn from it.

With help of people around me, I hope I can be a better person in the future. I hope I can make a change in this world. Anyone is with me? Are you game? xD

Just me,

Fion Liew

...~

2011-05-20T13:29:00.007+08:00

I didn't know. I thought we both are the same. I'd never thought that i need you much. Maybe its because i m afraid that i will lose you. Talking bout it, you have not lost anyone you cared so much before isnt it? well, I did. I knew the pain. but before that, I didnt. In the past all I want is for the person i cared to be independent, to be able to live without me. I knew my friend needed me a lot, need me so much. but i didnt knew one fact, i need that friend that much as well. Looking at you, remind me of the past, of who i was, but i'd never want to let you feel the pain, i'd never wnted you to hurt like i did in the past with a friend i cared about(past few years ago).

you cn call me clingy. i didnt realise me being like this is called clingy. i didnt realise it troubles you. i didnt realise it became a problem. if tis is turned anthr way, i cn say i as long as i m with you, other things i can neglect, i mean minor intrudments, something i cn say, not worthy to cause a fight.i dont need those. i changed al i can. people say me, i didnt care before. Are we this weak that minor thngs could actually wreck us?no . i knew that i'd never complain if you'd play til late, even i needed to wait til its late for dinner, because i knew, no matter how late, when i get to see you having diner wif me, it will be all worth it.

hence, it wasnt ur fault. its just sum mindset of mine. I want you to be happy n not changing to please me as u wun be hapi then. if u were to chg, i said bfr,at ur own will, when i became important enough for you. saying this hurts me as well. i knew you cared. if not, why would you mind my thought?dont worry, i know u sumhow cared now compared to the past. it put me in a dilemma. I dont know what i should feel. i want you to be happy but at the same tym it sumhow hurt me. so?What i should think of this? Should I think that you dont knwo how to express ur feelings?or should i take it as you didnt care in the past? or should i think that you have ur own way of loving me? or you just dont care. if you do care, wil u stil love me in the future?while i m waiting,All this became a question that me myself dont have the answrs. maybe i hadnt done enough. maybe i m selfish . maybe i demanded too much. i shouldnt. i shouldent expect too much nor demand. i m nothing to do allthose. who am i to expect, hope n want? i m too depending. so be it, then i wont. i will try my best to change if it makes you happy.

i love you for you are no matter what happens. i will accept you as you. i will try to give you all freedom you want if this is what you need, i will give your own time, if i've been bothering you n ur drama. i just worried that i m neglecting you but it seemed i think too much thats why. makes me want to laugh thinking bout it. i thought we will soon cant be spending much time together in degree so try n effort out sum thngs...i was wrong . you still needed your own time, your own life like before you have me. its ur rights. n my mindset it sumthng wrong, so it was never ur fault. its mine. okay, have it your way. start with?say it, i will do it if its for the better.

lalala

2011-05-18T01:46:00.003+08:00

Okay, whats up people?

my result day! Despite that, i stil sleep late...usual insomniatic habit

Okay, you see, people gotta earn what they get. They've worked for it, they most likely get it with gods willing.

You couldnt just expect sum blondie to turn up at ur doorstep to give you caramel pies dont you? or do you?

okay, that need not matter because no mttr whats my result (fion, suck it up ok..) sure~ I m goin fr a shopping spree where you shop til u drop...

(okay, now did i actually think money grows on trees?) so save shopping spree fr the worthys n i shall go sailing for my window shoppin n make my lil old brown cat proud of me... !

Okay, I dont have a cat.

Its not easy you know, gotta give in more endurance, to sustain every bit of urself to sanity? okay, m i halucinatng again? zz

nvm, talking bout shoes...I would love smthn strappy to the ankles but out of size?when i finallyliked one of these...oh c'ommon, its not like i easily chg my mind...niways, i changed my mind n i m gonna go to bed now...happy? =)

ps~ignore tis

earn my trust

2011-05-10T00:46:00.003+08:00

Today,...

i feel...back to my old me, for once in yrs...

began scribbling all these read-me-not- post just bcz i was lazy to write in my journl...

People say that feelings may last a lifetime...

or feeling of content?

when i start to feel, like I should now learn to be independent because, I literally have to help myself out. i should know, besides god n family, who else i can turn to?

who else I can place securely my future on? I was a strong person , yes, up to a limit. then, i lose the alertn on not to lay so much trust on people but knowing me, I will.

In the past, I told myself to be careful on laying my thoughts. And when I dont...there I go again, usual me. in the end, i will have to express ,my tears and thoughts in poetry, arts and music. i thought i'd get ovr the feeling of lost.

Yes, it does drain the sorrw away, hence i feel, my piano nevr let me down, at least i know i can trust her to be wif me when i m sad or happy. it will never break my heart...i trusted her.

today, i duno where to place my future anymr...i just know i gotta be independent,be a strong girl n move on. i dun dare to put expectations okay,not anymore. Guess i need a plaster aftr all...lost thoughts~

Just from,

me

Happy Mothers' Day

2011-05-08T23:00:00.004+08:00

Hi!

Its moi again...wanna take this chance to wish my dearest lovely, mom, a very

Happy Mothers Day...

My mom has been a really great mom i can tell you.

She is beautiful in her very own way. Taught me to be a nice girl...(still sempat puji diri)...^^ she may be strict (especially when her dearest daughter owez do unexpected stuff that well, urm...rather anoying than cute...==') but owez a friend, a very vest friend to me and I know how much she has done fr the family. My mum is very sporting, n i do remember the fact she told me she taught me alphabets! not to mention my math...

ok, these numbers were not at the age of 3...just feel ta pic is nice...hahahaha

there u go~ thr thr...more like it...^^

she owez accompany me shop n shop durin shopping spree! being a gud girl, i TRY my best to follow the budget...but she know her girl too well...HAHA okok...i m a gud girl...^^ n my mum really would give time fr us...to share her experiences n opinions...n owez do the best for us...n i really respect her as a mum ....(although u see we're like friends..=) ) She owez wanted the best fr us like, she give me freedom to choose my own dreams...n giv full support...like how she asked my interest in music when i was young for example...she truly respect my opinion on my hobbies n stuff...n love her in all othr ways...^^

I LOVE YOU MOM!

THANKS for everything you've done fr us...i could never repay ur love, but i wud try my very best by loving you and hope everythng will be nice, happy n gud health for you...I love you...^^ <3

where feelings come in tact

2011-05-03T15:15:00.003+08:00

i dont know how to express my feelings...maybe all i needed was time

Scribbles here n there...

2011-05-02T11:26:00.004+08:00

Pa-pa-di-dum-dum-di-dum-dum~~

ok

Just admit it fion, ur singing suck...

(now its my fault fr singing out loud in this serene morning of mine...fine~ i wil shut up...........................after another song...dadada~=P)

-Okay -

skip the intro of my life which u wudnt be bothered anyway...

Okay, who's with me?

I wanna go ~~loiter~~ take a decent walk so badly...

*i m a gud girl remember?*
(ok, a little naughty maybe)

my heels hv begun cracking since matrics n it hasnt heal yet...
*grr..its not my fault to barefoot in class*

ok, it is

what?admittance is courage...><'

how ugly it looked...zzz...and not to mention, those mosquito scars which made me burn a whole in pockt to get bio oil fr that purpose...remove those love bites...zzz from mosquito

And it was not long ago that i stop driving, okay, stop, i got a confession n its not frm a shopaholic

*...*

I DIDNT TOUCH THE STERING WHEEL till now..

though i got my licence like duno when...

who wanna volunteer to take my car?

Okay, suppose not...me thinks mum wud prefer to hail a cab out of nowhr frm getting into my drive. seriously...

funny. not.

its definitely comfy, sitting at the backseat, enjoying ur mix style earphone attached to ur ipod. real comfy, when u dun hv to turn the brakes on n off for many hours.

yeah.

but i wud like to drive. sumhow. sumwhr. giv me an old moving machine will do...not classy ones which i dare not touch...z~

talking bout cars, when you are a backseat passenger, sitting by the windowshield, looking at trees passing u by, it made you ponder lots...
OKOK,

i will stop with all my vein talk n save it for another post...get it dudes...=P

would really long for a vacation with friends...and yeah, sure...avan. Its been a while isnt it since i last went out with you...(fion, stop all the dovey talks..its only been wat?less than a fortnyte?)

niway, come by when u hv time...got lotsa things to chat n play...~~(i will try not to be violnt)~~

i m sure the bear missed you lots...

~~(missed ur protection since i've been bullying it when ur not around)~~

did i just said that aloud? yeah you did fion. great job...........ur foot.

n now waiting fr result, sem 2...can every1 pray fr me...i really need to get to the medicine faculty... strived so long...worked really hard...gave up a lot fr this...so i can help others in the future...its my lifetime dream...<3

okay, till then...^^

Just from,

me...

sum intro~~

2011-05-01T23:24:00.006+08:00

HI!

Managed to chnge my bloggie baby clothes into this!

yeah! ok.,..i noe its rathr average zz okay..

coping with the fact i've been back frm Perlis for like, umm mr than a week...

NOW I'VE GOT NOTHING TO DO...

oh yes, * grins* i do have a wishlist...haha or a list to do perhaps...

1. Softener

2. sunsilk shampoo

3.facial scrub(did i mention the old ones made my skin peel?zzz)

4.bio-oil(oh yeah it worked...zzz despite the many scars still,WAIT i shud be getting paid for promoting...)

5.fruits(i nid my vitamin c) Oh wait, thats my auntie list...zzz

NEXT,this is the one!!!~ =)

1.Clean up my maze of never ending packing room(did i just mention that, oh well, how embarassing)

2.brus up my driving skills (oh yes, i nid to use a civic fr that?oh dear~)

3. brus up my french?

4. bake more cake(cheese i love! or gateaux de pommes...new!)

5. learn up a language n perhaps, my mothrtongue, chinese...(i m a banana.)

6. FIND A JOB!!! wanna work in a cake shop!

7. get a keyboard

8. get a casio watch

9. read tonness of books! ^^ (i mean storybooks, if u'd asked)

10. THE VERY important!~ Go out wif friends!!! School frens, matrics buddies...n yeah sure...YOU~^^'

meanwhile, went out for sum walks n yeah, usual me...camwhre...^^

~n so what if i m childish...=P~

Till then...^^

Bloggie

2011-04-28T15:33:00.003+08:00

BLOGS UNDER RE Construction for a time being...

p/s~ forgive me for the incomplete links which direct you to nowhr..

p/p/s~sorry for very very late updates indeed

p/p/p/s~ n yeah...all the skins are ...umm...halfway done...if they were...at all...so yeah..see you soon...=)

C'est la vie...

2011-01-17T11:49:00.010+08:00

HOHOHO!

Its christmas!

sorry...late updates again! haha, nevermind...what is in next would be the new year!!! (outdated as well peeps?)

bon nee anyway...

j'espere c'est une magnifique nee pour mon amies! Oui, ma francais est atroce. ma anglais est meilleur...lalala~

Okay, i'd really want to scribble way long time ago, when the beez are buzzing, sun is shining, clouds are crystal clear,

WAIT!

nonono, i m hyper today?

Must be the relentlessly amount of sleep i had, NO JOKE! OKAY, hmm, its been a long way isnt it?

2010 finally reached its end, leaving lots n tonnes n bundles of memory behind.
It signifies the long dwinling bittrsweet with sprinkles of honey n sharp colds as well. depends on how you look at it.

TA DAA! ok, that was crap.

I m not really a blogging material but me like.*blek* Looks like many have changed, people around us, things we are doin at the exact moment of this time, but last years, the path...the dream, the goal.

All of us are heading to different directions. All trying hard to achieve their truly dreams. Who doesn't want a dream come true fairytale in reality? *ponder*

sumtyms we will meet our frens only when we are all working, busy with out own lives. When i ponder back, its kinda...sad. I missed all my friends.

I hate being nid to separate.

I love them especially those who went tru bittersweet times with me.

They are the one whom carv lotsa memory in school life, accompany you to walk beside you, leaving footsteps you will remember...

NEXT,
what bout a true reflection of yourself?

Of your path of the yestryears?did you manage to get your goal?

spend enuf quality time wif family?

If you did, congrates n keep it up..if nt, its okay, there will always be tomorrw...its never too late to start...every miniscule drop of sweat counts, very moments are worthwhile.

Have you been the person you have always wanted to be? or you r still conceal beneath the true mask of yourself? fullfilling expectation of others which are not yours?

Be yourself . Be whom you really are. Life is not fr eternity. don't do something you regret, nor just shut yourself. Keep up the mood!

Explore yourself...your inner capabilities, live your live to the fullest!

Go fr your truly dreams...you will nevr noe whn is your last.

Dont spend ur life frowning.

MOVE ON.

The key is to move on.

letting go doesnt mean you are weak..sometimes it means you are strong. Stay motivated...Live on.

Next,

comes new year!

New hope, new ambition, new goal...

What have you all sketched out fr this glorious (wonderful,etremely nice n shiny...)to be year?

It may take minute steps towards the misty, glimmering goal you set ahead of you. come on, a lil more effort...you will be there.

Leave the brittle route of yours behind. Its over. Keep it as a pictursque memory of yourlife. Dont regret it. open up a bottl of champagne opps, err...milo...n celebrate..

Live your life a beautiful memory...an adventure worth taking...........

Alors,

grosse bisses.

~C'est la vie~

ponder...

2010-11-08T11:36:00.003+08:00

WHat type of thought is this? a little empty...will i go back to my past? will I?
Can i chose? is there any opt button? i think this is worth pondering...
for which is me, which is supposed to be me...is it who i am now? or the past?...

beauty

2010-11-05T21:09:00.003+08:00

BEAUTY

How would one define beauty? By appearance? hair do? or expansive clothing?

Okay, I sounds like the speaking test questions in muet. Alright, you get me anyway..do you?

These days, no, actually is today(i m good in exagerating am i? haha)... i question myself, on how would a person judge another? by any means i mentioned above.....? I wonder.This returns the question bck to me. How would people feel? how would people judge me? Does it matter? Will it matter? I don't knw.
For me, i feel the appearance matter but, only fr the first impression. I believe more on personality, individuality, feelings on permanent impressions.
It lies in the way a person naturally are, how they are themselves. The beauty shows when an individual show who are they inside. who are they when they act as they are.
especially with whom indeed. =)

1stly...PENANG VACATION!!!

2010-11-04T14:02:00.007+08:00

WHOA!
gimme a sec...
This is too fast.
way too fast.
top on the beat, right here. yup.
Froze the time for a sec, gimme a little time.
thats right.

---

Dont cha agree with me that time do fly? or it teleports?
whichever comes first.
I m on hols now, well recently until i got the news my hols will be extended.
sure
fun but MUET is just around the corner.
Its getting on my nerves as well.
okok, first things first.

From my history of the moulded vacation to Penang,
(dun blame me fr too late ya, really hectic..XD)
i couldnt jot down all, but enough to let ya njoy sum pichas...

It was fun! seriously, with Adrian n Pei Ee becoming our tourguide,
we manage to make the most out of out trip n not goin around in circles..
zzz we travel around by bus...reli a lot...though tiring, but worth it..
.thanks to zhi yung's parents fr the rooms too...^^
me, she mei, june, jia row,avan, zhi yung,kok ming
,khang chuan,adrian, pei ee, jia ting,wei ting
are all in this vacation.
Super fun going with them...can't stp laughing n talking crap..
HAHA no joke...really...

And the cinema tour was fun, when we walk bck almost midnite...real gud experience...^^

The food was superb...okok...i guess i let the pictures show you
as a picture worth a thousand words...^^

~me n jia row on the ferry...^^~

~you see? kmp students...wahaha ~
~in kek lok si temple... yes, i know the bag is very prominent...~

~me n avan...^^~

HAHA. trying to operate the weighing machine...=='

~us in the cable car...^^~
~on the ferry...lalala ~

~me n she mei...yes, my hair is in a mess...~

~picturesque scenery huh. worth taking...^^~

~aftr a few tries, we stil couldnt take the background pic, but its ok, me n june stil in...^^~

~mee sotong...delicious...hungry already?XD~

~in gurney drive...the food all went to the tummy and left...err, polistyrene?~

~mee sotong close up...^^ a little spicy though~

~Penang's famous char kuey tiaw~

~i duno wats this...i think i ate some of this...~

till then...tell ya mr next tym...^^

speechless

2010-11-03T20:41:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to express this type of feeling...zzz argh~ where are my girlfriends when i need them? lalala

The 5 minutes post.

2010-11-01T00:20:00.003+08:00

Its been a while, hasnt it? While everyone is fumbling through their text books, i m here onlining..its sem break, which seem a little, silent perhaps. for matrix only.. my form6 friends were indulging themselves with books to give a little polish on what they ought to learn n apply in exam. A final push you would say. I m here, being a lazy, rather lazy potato couch, really n buying all my necessity to bring back to KMP. My mum had enuf of me. HAHA. Anyway, I'd really thank my friends to accompany me, through this time. Seeing you on webcammie was fun. I've been stalking blogs too. IN the next holidays, wonder where should we go, island tour? or a shopping spree>? name it, i had it.(mental list ,at least...) al right then, I really hoped to see all my friends, old n new..to exchange updates. Time flies isnt it,but our memories will remain forever, though it fades, but after a lil brush n polish, its as shiny as new. =)

today...

2010-09-14T19:38:00.006+08:00

Today,

was an ordinary day like no other,

Woke up in the morning,

With a numb tinge sumwhr deep in me,

Was it the feeling of emptiness?

I thought so...

i hate this type of feelings..

does this mean my emoness is cmg back?

please don't, as if i did not suffer enough being emo...

i did not want to experience that again...

in the last few days,

i kept dreaming of my history..

the person whom i had no contacts now...

had no idea why it came..

maybe its to remind me of the past..

how i used to be...

it did not matter now as i moved on...

it became part of my memory,

as i live my life a journey...

It last a while n went off...

Then it came back at dusk...

i m not sure at all what this is saying,

i m not sure what is it,

i just know for a fact,

i felt lonely,

i felt empty...

PIANO and my story beneath...

2010-09-10T22:58:00.005+08:00

P-I-A-N-O

When I am alone, in the cold midnight,
with no one to turn to,
I laid my fingers on the sleek keys,
And hear the music company.

When I m in the uttermost silence,
where it creeps up to my spine,
I put in my faith, n gave the keys some touch,
I was melodied at once.

When I am at the paramount of joy,
I gave it a try from the notes I had,
Or simply from the hearstrings,
I will definitely share my happiness to the world,
carving smiles in the faces of others..

When I was broken beyond repair,
where my tears wet the keys of black and white,
go on...i played my wound out...
it will help you heal,
as how it healed mine..
not by instant,
but by time...
dont worry, it will always be there.

Thank you,
for being there for me,
for all the times we had,
i just wanna say thanks... ^^

My birthday~

2010-08-13T22:37:00.002+08:00

oh yes, happy belated birthday fion.

It was a blast really.

I didnt know many knew my birthday n decided to just keep it to myself.

Really thanks to my family n frens whom wished me tru calling, sms, fb n yeah throw a suprise party which i almost faint. no joke.

Thanks to my roomates whom bother to spend their sms creds fr my wish ==' (yeah sayang,u guys were sitting next to me)

It was an ordinary day until at night. I was supposed oto have a dinner with my friends. but didint. then, JUNE told me there was ''math easy'' program held, and at the same time, i really did believe because it was one of our routine but its brought foward days earlier. (Whoe would doubt a routine?? ) With my menti programme speech on finace management(??!!! )okay, its out of topic but i really went to the talk, no joke! (WAIT, did i mentioned that my friends brought the cake to the speech as well? bravo..==') so i walked up to the library for the so called math easy programme n went in...june came minutes later n said the venue changed. So fine, who again would doubt their best friend?..i walked tru the dark pavement with june till reach the tutorial b where the classes were supposed to be used during the day. n then here comes the joke, I met She Mei , Zhi yung whom have the same bufday with me., n well a couple of frens whom suppose to be buying bus tickets. Okay~ the i just followed them to accompany them to buy tickets via the jpps' n then i felt strange. Again,who in the world would doubt their group of best friends???not to mention 1 but a gang of them..so when i reached there, it was kinda dark(btw,its at night..><')so from a class room without lights, they suddenly start to sing happy birthday song for me n zhi yung. WOW! IT WAS DEFINITELY A SHOCK MAN! i really almost faint...it was so quiet n suddenly out of duno where, a group of them just pop out n sing... who in the world would expect a party when ur bufday is goin to end in a few hours time? but 1 thing I WAS REALLY REALLY TOUCHED...thanks ...you guys are the best! really a memory to remember...i thought i was gonna held a maggie mee party but since there is cake, oh well, frgt the previous idea..hahaha pei wen gave me a SMILEY BAG! so CUTEE!!!!!!!!!!!! n june gave me a decorative item(reli want it so much!^^), SHE MEI gave me a handmade card with pictures n a beautiful highlighter! SO TOUHCHED..l.nesha gave me a card n chocolate! my faves!! hahaha n many more...THANKS GUYS... My family celebrate it in advanced with sushi treat! thanks A LOT ^^.......OKAY~ cont next time...nidda rush fr block meeting...ttfn~ ^^

updates~

2010-08-13T22:19:00.002+08:00

HI~ its me (who else...zz)
I never knew how my life would be in the future. Really. NOt joking.
Look at me stil in matrix. but really had a stressed time however realy fun. I woke up to the morning shivers early at dawn today. Maybe its because of the pouring rain, maybe its just plainly because of the speedy fan above the bedshack. Its a friday. Lecture is waiting n i just rushed to the shower to get a quick one and put on a baju kurung. Today wasnt any more unordinaire but a quick painful one. Its okay, i will stop with the vain talk here. n i couldnt go on facebook bcoz of the lamo line!! argh~ thanks for those whom wished me fr my birthday, really appreciate it lots. Sorry i coulnt reply early. was really busy. again, no joke. Here bout here. Was busy as always, phone bill is high as always. no choice wt. homework stacking piles n piles n no joke, really, few tonnes. but how busy is it, really had fun here. Really had great memorable times wif frens, fr midnight talks, supper n stuff. Really smth that i didnt exprnc bfr. I just hope i can manage my time better in the future n thanks to you whom influence me well. gtg, update later...tata ^^

emo

2010-07-31T14:00:00.003+08:00

Okies..yeap...here i m again...all stupidly miserable like usual, where i m suppose to blog bout my outing wif ma besties..i m crappin. Yeah, u got me. i m emo, aftr a long time. look, tis is why:

1) CHEMISTRY ASSIGNMENT which my friend remind me from day 1 to do
2) CHEMISTRY TUTORIAL ChAPTER 5 (which again reminded, now no diff)
3) MATHEMATICS TUTORIAL(CHAPTER 5 WHICH I DID NOT FOR GUDNESS Sake bring back the buk)
4) DOUBLE math quiz (isnt this getting brilliant)
5)GIMP ASSIGNMENT (wow, didnt start)
6) biology revision(stuck)
7)chem revision(wth is tat)
8) my story books are all over selangor n malaysia(NO JOKE)
9)still not enuf sleep
10)miss my friend whom i dun think misses me
11) I niida go back to the northern state in less than 24 hours.

LOOK? i deserve to stress isnt it...I reli wan to just faint off...I M SO EMO THAT I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT!*SCREAMS*ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help me...how how how><''

FaRhAnA...^^

2010-07-22T08:37:00.005+08:00

TODAY...
*drumrolls*

Before i do any post at all...

i would like to dedicate this post to..

its ok..lets see...

*make sure u scroll till the bottom*

WATER APPles
HAHA...okok, not the wtr apples..

FARHANA
~~*the senget wan, not the sopan wan*~~

oops...okok

FARHANA
*the cute wan*
better?

There you go.
Thanks for all the time we spent together...thanks fr al ta camwhores we had..
(yeah, of course, drain my camera's battery...)
and for the times we had together. how we study n go bookshop togethr to but books...
(ya right...lepak in czip lee got la..den stop by vanilla, den wait at tepi jalan from no rain till rain..den..walk to living cabin oso got..din see us so rajin go mph or lib oso)
Hard times when we help each other...-------->

(shutup, ur just waiting fr the jambu rite? n let samila do the work..XD n i m the camera girl...)
n the easy times when i m still the camera girl, n you are.............err...*gulps*

or when u have enuf snapshts that you want no more, i m still here as the cam girl, n u r.... *changing ur post, admit ni la, i noe u want it...*

n this is us...thanks dear for everything.......dramaqueen.....love you always...

Wow..studying.........okok...if i puji myself i thnk u will faint........so, thanks fr the time we spent together...will always remembr you no matter whr u go...wht u do...love you lots...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARHANA...

(belated, i din insert it cz i feel like this prttier...^^)
sorry that i forget it..hectic life n stressed...sorry dear...hope ur not angry...n cant celebrate wif you this year..but we shall celebrate it next week durin outing ok?...
take care miss me o...^^

My life so far

2010-06-15T16:47:00.002+08:00

My blog has been really boring with no updates but what i shall do bout that..

nothing. haha. okay, lets start of with me in Perlis.

Life has been kinda nice to me. despite the fact i couldnt get the jpa scholarship to study in med school. Well, thsat was very really heartbrkng.

frustrated i couldnt do better in the past. but finally i do believe everything hsppen for a gud reason. undeniably. painful.

okay, stop the vain talk. NOw i really do feel better after all that i went tru. i believe i can still enter med school via matrix. i mean local U.

really hope to get into medic course. Its my dream.

Its something i would do for my whole life.

suffer or not, i m going for it. i m really thankful i got the chance to study in matrix, smthn to lay on.

Its really nice, although that taking 3 majors would be very very hard compared to taking 11 mix of both. funny. I still yet forget to bring the cable to the library. couldnt update pics. i took tonnes. Reallly a truckload. No joke.

Here as usual, less sleep, more work. no doubt.

midnight sleep almost everyday n ur dreading for weekends is really exhausting. strive to fight sleepyness in class esp when ur in front of the teachers table. ~~(Why did i chose that seat again?)~~ why did i?? okay, forget it.

Here, the library is really superb. trust me. neevr seen one like it befr. n my besties here are really very nice (~~corrupted, senget)~~
Homework is piling up high, assignments, tutorials n studies for quiz..really stress..!

The Teachers here are superb..they are reli very gud n nice.reli had fun. but nidda WORK VERY VERY HARD. one funny thing, when the atm machine is spoilt, majorities went dry , out of cash. no joke.

its like a huge crisis over here. include me.

HAHA. okok.gtg..dun wan nag so long. n thanks to my parents n family whom support me all ta time, my bestie in institute bahasa(watashiwa fion cutie desu! Anatawa hana not cutie desu! WAHAHAHA)

n oso my other close frens. Thanks to you in smk hussein onn 2, to rela hati hear me talk crap in the phone for hours, although u no time.appreciate it lots. Thanks. Hopefully can cope wif the studies here.

Hope the best for me ya.^^

KMP

2010-05-29T00:06:00.002+08:00

Kolej Matrikulasi Perlis.

It was very fun. Really. I got loads of experience to be independent. wake up early to wash clothes, volleyball in dusk..study...workload. I met many people from many backgrounds..people whom touched my heart, people whom I really cared.Now all I can do is travel this journey of mine to the best it can go. Wait for me. I m trying to let go, if it comes bck to me, we're meant to be. If it doesn't, it was never mine. Now on a 3days break. will go bck. on sunday..take a truckload of pics..will upload soon..wait fr me ya!!thts all fr now...take care..^^

perlis

2010-05-07T12:01:00.003+08:00

I M REALLY GOIN TO PERLIS!! Okay, chill, BUT HOW?? HAVENT PACK FINISH!! n dun feel like packing..den comes in the sore throat, flu..gudness..how now how now?? *smacks*
bye Fb, bye my baby bloggie, bye room, bye onlining, bye every1, bye XY. .byebye

Time

2010-05-06T19:26:00.002+08:00

The history of mine has made me believe that time will cure everything. It will. I truly believe if i withstand more pain, put up a thicker wall n bear with it, I believe, time will help me.

loser

2010-05-05T16:45:00.004+08:00

Todays post it for myself.
Im a loser.such a jerk. seriously, no doubt.
I m such a loser that I don't care for others feelings isnt it?
Or i cared too much of the feelings of others, which fires back,as if i'd never cared before? I hurt people around me, people close to me.
Always.
I m sorry, but i couldnt turn back time.
if I could, i might just shut myself out from everyone.
Better for them, better for me. I wont ever get the chance to hurt any1.
they would be vry happy.
This change, maybe in coll life?
Just don't care. Cold, like whom i was before.
until i dunno what-in- the- world that change me. At least i wont hurt anyone by then. I didnt. Even if i did, i wont feel a thing.
Dont know since when tht change n i have feelings.
afterall.
And that hurts me more than ever.
I felt more pain than bfr. It really suffers. Now? as if i have ntg to do?
I m hurting ppl around me. I felt so bad. I m sorry. Truly. I never meant fr any ths to happen . i loser.

self sacrifice

2010-05-02T19:30:00.002+08:00

When i look back, I have went tru this before. Yes, indeed, i have. I wondered, will the reason of failure in relationship(general) is my fault? I thought it was always my fault. I thought it always because i m selfish. but when i think again, is it because i m self sacrificial ?for everyones benefit that i m doin this, but i caused hurt in me. i dont care. this is what it shud be.

My bloggie.

2010-05-02T00:53:00.004+08:00

Dearest, my bloggie.

Todays post in to...
yes, the one and only bloggie. My bloggie.
~~Ignore the fact that i got another bloggie in wordpress k, or for transparentdress~~
Okay, I realised this like moments ago. My bloggie is very loyal indeed.
She is always there for me no matter what happens to me, my bloggie will always be there for me even if I felt like crying or screaming or punching the wall or simply for a compliment like now.
I realised i can tell what i feel here, even the things i could not tell others by word of mouth. Typing n talking is 2 different things k.
I had no idea why but i kept knowing if i got any prob at all, my blog will be there.
I seriously had no idea why. Seriously.
What i couldnt directly tell others, i tell here.
It suffice to let out any feel at all, although bloggie wun reply. It is enuf. I m too lazy to write in a diary, so this is fine with me.
I LOVE YOU MY BLOGGIE!

Tank - Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi

2010-05-02T00:39:00.003+08:00

I heard this in sumwhr n i instantly like it so much!!! Very nice...u shud go hear..^^

Tank - Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi

Lei le Zhao guan li nu li qing xing zhe Ye zhao guan li xiang ni le
Hao pa yi fang xin shui le Xin tiao zai meng zhong bu ting hua de Jiu ting zhi le
Ting zhe Hu xi xiang lang chao pai dong zhe Yue mei li yue rang wo tan te
Wo hai neng zhen xi shen me Ru guo wo lian zi ji de mai bo Dou nan zhang wo
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
Kuai le Shen me shi hou hui jie su ne Na yi ke shi zui hou yi ke
Xiang ba ni jing jing bao zhe Ke zhi ni shi wo sheng ming zhong de Zui she bu de
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Tui chu le zhe chang sheng ming
Liu xia ni cuo e ku qi Wo bing leng shen ti Yong bao bu liao ni
Xiang dao wo rang shen ai de ni Ren hai gu du lv xing
Wo hui hen zi ji Ru ci hen xin
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zhong yu mei na me xing yun
Mei ji hui bai zhe tou fa Pan shan qian zhe ni Kan wan xia luo jin
Man chang shi guang Zong you yi tian Ni hui shang xin quan yu
Ruo you ren ke yi Rang ta pei ni Wo bu guai ni
Ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi Zui pa wo tai be zheng qi
Wan gu de lai zai kong qi Ba zhan ni xin li Mei yi cun feng xi
Lian lei yi ran ai wo de ni Tong ku cheng shou shi qu
Zhe yang bu gong ping Qing ni jin li Ba wo wang ji

Translation

When I'm tired I keep trying hard to stay awake as usual I keep thinking of you as usual too
I'm really scared that when my mind is at rest and I'm asleep In my dreams my heartbeat won't listen to me And just stop
Listen; The sound of breathing like waves splashing The more beautiful it gets, the more I feel uneasy
What can I still cherish If I can barely control my own pulse?
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
Leaving you startled and weeping My ice-cold body No longer able to embrace you
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
I will hate myself For being so heartless
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
No chance Of us tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
If someone can [heal your wound] Let him stay accompany you I won't blame you
Happiness When will it end? When is the very end?
I really want to embrace you tightly Know that you're the one in my life I can't bear to leave the most
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life
Leaving you startled and weeping, my ice-cold body no longer able to embrace you
Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone
I will hate myself For being so heartless
If I became a memory - finally not so lucky
No chance to Tottering while holding your hand Hair grown white Watching the sunset
In this very long period of time There'll be a day When your broken heart will heal
If someone can [heal your wound], let him stay accompany you, I won't blame you
If I became a memory - I'm most afraid that I'll let myself down
Stubbornly lingering in the air Dominating your heart Every part of it
Making the you that still loves me, suffer painfully for this loss
This isn't fair Please try your best To forget me

Our outings

2010-04-29T12:15:00.005+08:00

OKAY GUYS!
Today gonna update bout.......
MY OUTING WITH FARHANA!!
You see, at first our intention is very simple..Go to school to sahkan our matrx stuff.. HAHAHA (admit it, thats nt the main point..then go take pic in shop..fr matrcs.. (I kept do my hair n do my hair n do my hair till..the kak was like..ok od? I was like Havent..again n again..HAHA she is nice thankfully...wanna choose oso take duno how long).
.n go czip lee..(Ya, sounds so general..kononya go buy books...actually loiter around n do crazy stuff got lo..like..nvm...skip that) After collect my lenses, we go metro..
sudenly, while waiting fr lunch, we REALLY HUNGRY TIL KENOT STAND OD...wanna faint seriously..
So v go grab ice cream in the mcd booth...(I finished mine n I really REALLY dont wanna tell what happen to Farhana's Mcflurry...i dont thnk u wanna know either...
blek~ ) so we went like mad ppl go find padlock.
.(sempat tawar menawar smmr..)Then we was choosin the umbrella...
FOR HOW MANY HOURS I TELL YOU!!!
then lunch time
! Both of us rush like wt to go MCD aftr got tchrs call...n guess wat la, she decide to go cc n print out sum stuff til the whole lunch is over od. =='
Then, she wan go buy the alarm clock..(PINK N SUPER BIG i tell you)
all of us laugh lyk wat whn the kakak go try the sound..SWEAT! ==' So, we were really exhausted aftr tht. go to library while wait pengesahan...n Farhana sempat stack up the books to..............

Her : I need sum sleep
Me : Okay, go sleep lo.
Her : *lie down on the shelf* i need to lie down
Me : Okay,bttr lie down ni..so xing khu like tht
Her: kenot la..
Me: okay *lean on shelf...fold legs up n rest head on it* short while ltr,..

Me: What u doin?dun wan sleep od?
Her : urm...*stacking up books...* n thn.. baring on it..=='
Me : HAHAHAHAHA....-pillow-
both of us..WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

okay, she will smack me.......duh~
but
THANKS FARHANA FOR THE OUTING!! ONE OF THE BEST OUTINGS EVER>>>NOT JOKING!! Superb fun time...not bcz i went fr lunch not wif u..but tis is just simply fun!! LOVE YOU HUN!!!

miss you

2010-04-27T20:41:00.001+08:00

I will miss you. I will miss you badly but i know i gotta let go, because its not meant to be.

Blurry vision

2010-04-22T15:57:00.003+08:00

I am unsure now. Is this just a simple thing like i used to think? Or now its gotten much more complicated. Its my fault isn't it? Now payback time. I m no longer sure where I am heading. This is the reality, the society, the truth. This is where I am. but, by doin this, makes me more selfish than ever. Forgive me will you? I don't know why its gotten this far. I want to put a stop to all these, but i couldnt bring myself to so it. Maybe, after all, its a simply misunderstanding. Is it?Why..why must it be this way? There is no benefit. There is something more to me people would never understand. I am not the person people think I am. or I used to be. They will never know how much it hurts. Or, is this just another innocent game? I don't know, n I never want to know.

Welcome, me

2010-04-21T22:42:00.003+08:00

WELCOME BACK, the old me. Someone whom i formerly feared. My ownself. In these past months, I have been hoping everything would be perfect. No regrets, no flaws, in order for me to pursue my studies in ease. At least, that was what I thought. I have left out something rather influential. My past life, who I was before. Not the one studying, not the one loitering, its the one part of me, whom needs help. That phase of lives a few years back was never easy, but with guidance, I made it. After a senior, Jia Ni whom help me lots left the school, I slowly learnt to be independant. I slowly learn to make it tru, bcoz I know I could no longer burden her. I never intended to. She changed my life for the better. Way better. As time passes, I grew up n left that part of me behind. I call it emo. Nowadays, I was wondering, why i really had strong emotion issues. And, its very familiar. Oh, an old friend of mine actually, the other part of me. Its been a long time i has this tht I thought wat was wrong with me. Then, after sum thinking, I realised this is not new, I was like this few years back. Nothing to be afraid of. I will just settle it the former way. Everythng would be fine. I was like this. I need some time. I can do it.

Driving test girl

2010-04-21T18:12:00.004+08:00

Hi~ I met this girl yesterday, in my driving test venue.. She is VERY nice i tell you. Sze ern. I had thought her name is very cute...haha She is very frenly n believe me, with her around, you will never get bored. Never. There is always things to talk bout, laugh about n she make frens with almost every1. Frenly huh..^^ HAD LOTSA FUN WITH HER (ya, you.. ^^) HAHA...she was frm yu hua. N she got 2nd session fr exam, so can teman me until late. if not, i will be alone. sad huh...luckily, she is there to make the atmosphere way more fun..^^

driving

2010-04-20T19:12:00.003+08:00

I failed the driving test. Really very dissapointed in myself. People kept saying, 'you so smart in school, sure driving oso can....no prob fr you...' okay, first, i m not that smart. Its just that I reli work hard thats all. 2nd, its no relation k...doent mean my exam result like this like this then i sure pass DRIVING okay........ i FAILED THE DRIVING TEST. GUDNESS... SO FRUSTRATED... thnks tcher fr making me feel better...was so sad bfr that..Thanks for the meal...(I M SO PAYING NEXT TIME)...NOT JOKING! >< make me feel so bad...THANKS niway...had fun with you today...though I reli sad...but reli fun...thnks...i got perlis matrix...duno when ni gt chance retake....haih...BUT ..I still believe........EVERYTHING HAPPEN FOR A REASON!!!!!! cheer up fion~

my adventure of life.

2010-04-19T00:54:00.003+08:00

I m goin off to the other end of the country soon. I want to leave this town with a peace of mind, peace of state. I done mostly everything so I can be with solitude to pursue my studies. However, it kept occur to me that how bout my family? I know I sounds old, but I can't help it. The house will be less noisy without me around. No longer hearing my lousy piano songs everytime(the songs are nice, its just my skills), no more argues with sibling, nor no more comment from me about much things at home. I wouldnt be cycling around the park, nor play volleyball in my porch. i felt tht my bro will be lonely. My parents will miss me, I will miss them more. I know my role in the family and I know it well. I knew they would be worried. I will come bck frm time to time. (Though i dont know how to take a bus, I will learn..><). I will leave my frens, teachers, acuaintance n room, my room whom had company me fr a long time now. I will definitely miss YOU xy. During this term, many ppl gave support, n i reli appreciated it include they whom said willing to use up credit to keep in touch(dont regret later..HAHA) Well, as far as I go, this is it.

illusions

2010-04-15T16:23:00.002+08:00

Now, i felt there is two sides of me. The reality and the dreams, or more would i say, illusions. There are many things I could ever dream of in my world of illusions, but when i snap out of it, there are restrictions. Better be aware n stay out of it before its too late. Painful huh? In life there ought to be sacrifices big or small. When its time to let go, you should. By letting go, you will be able to move on..never turning back.

lessons

2010-04-15T14:28:00.002+08:00

Today is my final lesson for driving. Yeah, after so long you might think. Indeed, I wasnt sure how good am I, or how otherwise. About the slope was a lil tricky. Its like I didnt put out enough clutch level or i let go too much n the car's engine stopped! Okay, today had repetitive trainings on that. Then, went on the road. As usual, see the buffalo, see the goats..(wait, thats yesterday..==') Okay, then went fr a brunch with instructor...(THANKS FOR THE MEAL ^^) So, later went back to circuit to thumbprint sum stuff. With a full tummy, drove back n now here I am..eating again..==' no wondr i was fat.... o.o Okay, wish me luck ya next tuesday !! ^^

Here

2010-04-14T04:12:00.003+08:00

I am here for you. Really. I am always here to catch you if you fall. YOu wouldnt read this post anyway. but, I am really here. If you look with your heart, you will see me here...

template almost there...

2010-04-13T03:16:00.002+08:00

Blog almost okay.................

template in the way

2010-04-08T01:00:00.002+08:00

SORRY FOR ALL THE BROKEN LINKS. BLOG UNDER EDITING PHASE. xoxo

RAPTOR WATCH IS BACK!

2010-03-19T23:38:00.031+08:00

Hi! So whats hit??!
RAPTOR WATCH!
betcha you are right!so we made it through the event with
a pure heart n sincerity to help the nature.
~~(mengaku ni la we had party there)~~
okay, first thing first.

ATTENTION: Farhana~tis pichas all rompk frm ur blog, so please be knid on me n not sue me on this

~~(hu ask u eat my octopus??)~~
We took a trucload of pics!
me n farhana spotlight event..no matter whr.
.eating, walking, talking, crappin...okay..but thr are place whr FARHANA being so nice to me, in 'editing the pics'
~~(belive me,just wait n see how i smack you)~~ so we switched! jeng jeng jeng..thx miss bernie...!Cozy huh...but she shifted niways...love u hanna!
-look at the bag, it wasnt half the among the amount she brought.. - =='

hanna kept puji her pic very nice...please lar...(okok, i admit, its nice... :)) dun angry~

ltr, after the briefing, we went to supper near the pool...it was more to..
MIDNIGHT SNACK!
ya, eat rice..funny!its so fattenning!
~~i was more worried she wil push us in to the pool in fact..~~

13th march~happy bufday yie yie!!RISE N SHINE PEOPLE!!! ok, me n farhana was sleeping so soundly on the bed when..........................................
UMAI
woke us up..haha..she is a nice girl i tell you..
~~(farhana is the lazy one)~~
haha, okay, umai reli vry teliti wan..

me n Ana : WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! SO FUNNY!!! BLAH~ BLAH~ *gossip this n gossip that* then, laugh fr no reason..---...WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Umai : shh~ jgn bising sangat...kuatnyer! (with the cute teguran face..CUTE!) Me n Ana : She so cute(^o^) we so noti.

************************************************************
(this multiply twice..hmm..alright! multiply 6 times...==')

yo! blue hippo
sesat from duno where...hahaha..pity lar...no1 look at him...
*i support you k..*oh! you know why...look!!

Maya karin
is in the hse! no wonder all the attention goes on stage!! poor the hippo...Me n Umai...The cars were already looking at us...
(bet thy were thinking : OI! dun halang the road!!!
for pictures sake ==' worth it k..look, how cute?)

The books sold in the boothes!!! okok, i admit, i look at the sourvenirs only...
(wh, if u prefer books, sorry didnt get 1 fr u..hahas)

OUR booth!! yezza! doin the alpha charms!! do till our waist oso feel so lenguh coz not enough chairs!! n so v nidda gv the customer sit... in the end of the day,omg...lie down on the bed so nice feeling i tell you...thanks to felicia too taught us how to do..muacks~

they are acting like selling n buying..they deserve the oscar award i tell you!

LOOK at the birds..there were thousands of thm!!!!!!!
PD scenery...pettay huh!
the 'Supermodel'...>< (awal awal dah mimpi dah..wake up dude!) housemates~so friendly~..

~excited~it was very fun...the instrumental play

~well i had no idea why the pic turn out like this~

out of nowhr, there is this show...suddenly ni...>< His voice very nice~*claps*

THAT nite, no electricity i tell you...my gudness...so bored...we hd lotsa girl talk with felicia too...
FUN!!
i plug in my earphones to well make me sleep earlier
then...............my leg pain man! i was like
~must be the standing n bending during the day...~(dun say i old lar..><) so when the electric is back, went outside to knock my leg...okok, nicer to hear..massage..haha...takkan u wan me to wake umai n farhana frm their beauty sleep, ltr they gt panda eyes will scold me wan..==' Then i got a good idea, went to the balcony, so nice., the night view is superb!! the beach...the lights...*how nice if you were there with me ^^* 3rd day~

~HeNnA~
funny pic..yay! cn see my face!
sense of freedom

this pic is reli one beautifully captured pic! bravo farhana!

blek~^^

seashell~ pretty huh
oh,hus leg is that at the back??haha umai berangan apa?^^

then we had to go back...it was amazingly a fun n priceless experience !

Credits~

MNS : Which organizethis meaningful event to create public awareness...fr mother nature

Miss Bernie : For giving us this chance to participate although we are very young with no experience in this,yet you let us in despite many others more eligible applied..thank you so much..^^

My parents : Whom trusted me to go Tanjung Tuan as a volunteer with my frens without their supervision.Fr the 1st time. Whom trusted me to be independent ...Thanks^^

Farhana n Umai : Ana fr informing me bout this n Umai fr teman us n sabar wif these immature kids punya kerenah, we feel SAFE n sense of secureness with her around taking care of us.we wun wake up late bcoz gt her to watch after us ALL THE TIME.i hope you will get to be with the abang kereta of urs in th future..(farhana, dun rebut la..u gt dr. fakhri).^^

Raptors~????!! fr flying here so we can see you all...^^ <3

THANKS!!! We learnt a lot! We hope to participate n encourage more people to volunteer to create public awareness on preserving nature in the future!!!

CNY!!!^^

2010-02-25T10:48:00.010+08:00

HaPpY ChInEsE NeW YeAr!!! okok, dont call me lame fr being so early about this k...juz kinda lazy on it...so this is how it went
1st day~ we went early in the morning...well..it was super packed!!like sardin in the car...thankfully, cousin tag along...making trip much more fun...^^ so fr reunion dinner, yeah, i stuff myself with tonnes of food...seriously..no kidding(letr i m gonna tell u how i put on my weight)..so v reached kinda early. n well, with my insomniac sleeping pattern, of course i cant sleep! wth...i rolled n rolled...wash up, stil rolling..so i settled with listening music n well..berangan...thn i juz slept..ok

CNY~ Followed dad to take satay in shop EARLY MORNING>>> wat? i have not enuf sleep...==' ya, i deserve it.. so

in Kg. Cina

Me, mum n lil puppy..! cute huh....^^ i so love it so much!

Me n Sean..he is 1 cute lil fella
Me n Alvin...yaya...我爱你了
Me n Kenneth...~i had no idea y most of ppl wear pink tht day~
Alvin! Look here!!! ^^
Me n Kenneth..ya...ignore the fact i m kinda short okay

Me and the beach..(??!!)

Me n Viviane...^^ p/s~ she oso vry tall

this pose inspired by wayne...##
me~
Me n Sean
Food~

Why I like it longer

2010-02-13T04:04:00.005+08:00

WHY I LIKE IT LONGER

I would like to emphasize more on humans living their life a journey. Life isn't long. People had always whined on how short life can be, so short that it had reach it end without even us realising. In a nick of time. That is all it takes. All mortals live a specific amount of time in their life which does not differ much from one individuals to another, excluding those whom passed on due to sickness or accident or fate undeniably, but each and everyone of us, whom had the opportunity to be born into this world had a chance to live, each one had an equal chance to live. What differs between one of us and another is how we live our journey of life. It is the adventure, but the time passed fast, giving no chance for most of us to live our life a complete journey nor to realise our purpose in this world.

In each of us, there lies ahead a long narrow road of future ahead of us. Its our duty to keep ourselves on track, not others. Its our own life, we do our own mistakes. That is why I like our life journey to be longer so that we can live our life to the fullest and which means giving us a chance to go through the adventure as well as correcting our past mistakes in order for us to live a meaningful life.
Based on my past life experience, I really wanted our lives to be longer. I'd like it to be longer. Keith and I are really best of friends. Keith is the only person whom inspired me in my life, besides god and my closest family.

It never came to me that i will meet someone so different, so influential in my life. So precious for me. The memory he carved in my life will never be forgotten even eternity shall come. How he cradled my journey of life, how he changed my life for the better. I really hope our lives would be longer to continue our pavement of memory. I was touched by his uttermost inner strength, the courage she had to move on no matter what lies ahead. We met when I was in 8th grade in some ordinary school event. Keith was giving some speech. Looked really forced though. I thought our fate ended there but in a quick time, I came to grasp the fact that we were in the same game club. Its a funny thing i had never seen him. Maybe I wasnt really looking.

Being an ordinary student in school, I'd never been popular, nor did Keith, but one thing for sure, he has been an all rounded student.Introvert. That is the most I knew. Keith, being three years my senior, making us rarely bump into each other. However, I noticed after a while. Keith is always alone. He always carry the worrisome, exhausted look. I had no idea where did the inspiration come from but I made up my mind to get to know him. His side of life. I put myself in a piece, gather up my courage and took a step to start of our relationship as friends. From there, I had learnt that Keith seldom smile, but when he does, its worth craving forever.

Keith has the height of an athlete with squarish round face. He has a dark brunette coloured hair, cropped until his shoulders. I still remembered his tanned skin due to excessive traning under the scorching sun, on the burning court. The image of bruises on his knees are still vivid in my memory, the price he has to pay as a team captain. His sacrifices are worth it when the team never fail to grab gold medals in any tournament. Keith owns the most beautiful iris, like those beautiful brown eyes you'd only see in commercials. His eyes are deep and thoughtful. However, his eyes are worn out due to preparation for the battle in the examination hall, therefore posses heavy eye bags.

Keith is an excellent student. A hope for his family, his school. Not only he is the captain of the basketball team, he has a pair of gifted hands that can paint magnificent art pieces and play beautiful, velvet melodies. His parents, however do not support her interest as they felt studies should be in first, very most importance. Keith is always pressured in anything he do. He tried his best to fulfill his parents wishes except one. He wants to be a doctor. To be able to help needy people in poor countries. His parents waged an all-out war against his wishes, insisted he will take over the family business. Keith spent countless sleepless nights in tears as he fought for his courage to move on. For his dreams. Even as capable as Keith is, he is still an ordinary human. He needed a break. However, he stayed strong until the end.

For me, I am just another ordinary student. I am living my life on a track.I studied like its the end of the world each time, but unlike Keith, scoring a string of perfect, excellent results is like finding a needle in a haystack. Being an emotional person myself, dealing with downs in life, family issues and peer pressure seemed sufficient to rip me off into pieces. I always feel lost without direction to move on. Without aims nor dreams. When Keith came into my life, it felt like he is like an angel sent from above. Whenever I felt like i needed someone, Keith will always be there for me, offering countless advices and support whenever I felt like giving up. He never let me to. He'd lend a helping hand and a shoulder to tear on when I was broken beyond repair. He start to become the hope in my life, the light in my sorrowful days. Not only he assist me in my studies which gradually improve, he coached me in basketball, enabling me to join the elite team. Keith has thought me poetry, a way to express myself. Then , we'd always spent out time together. Making the most out of it. In such a short time, every moment counts.

Not long after that, Keith graduated from school. I no longer see him. I couldn't get used to it even after many - many months and I don't think I ever will. Keith thought me the meaning of life. I had seen his pure heart of gold. His strength and courage touched me to the deepest core. He thought me how to dream, how to pursue my aims and ambitions to the highest level. I missed him a lot. Without him, I felt weak. Each time I go to the basketball court, I would see his shadows there. Each and everytime, it did not fail to cause stabbing pain within my soul.

After a couple of years, while I was sauntering on the way home, I saw a resemblance of Keith. I was unsure of it until I seen him smile. But why? What happened? I moved closer to have a better look. Keith's face is powder pale and his cheekbones are really showing. I saw the crooks in his joints. He still carry the beautiful, more exhausted eyes, except with thinner hair. I was shocked. Suddenly, I felt a chill crawling up my spine. I prayed hard my estimation weren't true. My heart pounded like its in a race. Keith read my facial expression and said, ''leukemia''. I stood still. My heart skipped a beat. I took some time to digest what is going on. Tears start to well up in my eyes. I tried my best not to let them spill. Attempt proved futile. I embraced him hard. I saw the painful expression in his face again. I couldn't believe fate did this matter to me. I was broken. My knees buckled tight under me. Such a brisk time together and now we are going to separate forever? I wished our time is longer. I wished time is long enough for us to create memories of our own. Long enough for us to appreciate our moments together until we are old and shabby. Now, in reality, I just hope our time is long enough to cure Keith and my wounded heart. I knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, on the crown of my head to the soles of my feet and deep in my empty chest, how love gave someone the power to break themselves. I knew I have to stay strong. I have to. As long as it takes, I am willing.

Keith has to go oversea for medical treatment. In the airport, he promised he will get well soon and he flash my favorite smile, although it did not reach his eyes. I kept telling Keith how I wanted our lives to be longer, for us to fulfill our dreams. In the last day before Keith boarded the plane, he gave me a silver velvet wrapped box and ask me to open only after he has departed. When I was about to say bye, he place his finger at my lips. I teared and wave him bye. He did not return my waves and just walked away. As promised, I open the box and found an elegant,luxurious, LG Chocolate phone, with a note 'Its not that I don't miss you but I don't believe in saying goodbyes because with LG Chocolate, can keep in touch as always'.
I smiled beneath my tears.

Years after years, I had never seen Keith face to face but through the 3G technology, its made even better with LG chocolate phone wide screen and panaromic display. Its easy accessibility has made my life as a person whom never owned a mobile phone easier. I can check e-mails from Keith easily.

However, although Keith act strong, I knew that his health is deteriorating. I knew it was far serious than it sounds. I felt so difficult to move on but i tried my hardest with Keith's smile in my mind. As time passes, Keith told me not to contact him anymore. I know the chemotherapy has worn him out physically and mentally, causing him harder to carve a smile. He told me he want me to keep the image of him happy and healthy. I know he don't want to make me worried. I respect his wishes reluctantly as he insisted.

Until today, I still have Keith and his intrinsic strength in my mind. Keith told me that every cloud has silver lining. I still hold on to his words until now. I did not know what happen to him but deep down inside me, I knew that he will make it. He will never let go and he will always fight for his life to the very end. I believe he will make it out and become a very successful doctor in the future. To help people around the world. His only dream. I truly hope time will allow me not only to see Keith's shadow on the basketball court but he himself playing with me.

I kept praying each day that Keith's life will be longer so he can reach his aims. I hope I will live long enough to see Keith grasp his dreams. I hope we both will be able to spend eternity together after all we've been through. I hoped both of us have longer time,to cherish our lives. In fact, I hoped everyone has longer time.This I just realise when I felt the pain when I was facing Keith's condition. I 'd like to be longer.I prayed hard. I hoped from the bottom of my soul.

Without more time, all these would be barely impossible. Our dreams couldn't be grasped and to add to these, without dream, life is just a barren of field with frozen snow. Look how important is the time to me,for me to achieve my dreams, just like how I really wanted to live my life to the fullest. With that, I truly hope my life and Keith's life would be much longer so we can spend our time together achieving our dreams in the future. With LG Chocolate, life is even better, enhancing the beauty of living both our lives a journey. With longer lifetime, I can get the opportunity to watch my dreams come true. That is why I like it longer.^^

Kumon

2010-02-12T00:15:00.004+08:00

OKAY, today gonna talk bout my first day in work OKAY, here i go>>>

I reached the Kumon centre. Then, i sat at a place n start marking the papers. Its not tht much at first n i mark n mark. And then, a teacher teach me how to asses the student on numbrs n time table. Okay, this wasnt tht heavy till reach late evening...I RUSHED LIKE DUNNO wat to mark fin...thenteach few stdnt math . stuff..totallt jack myself....the student noe how to mark better than me i tell u...==' paiseh...though its really bundles to mark..bt its really a great experience..so thnkfull cn get the job...din expect^^

Night

2010-02-06T09:34:00.004+08:00

Last night, was a sleepless night for me. I went to bed early( 1.30am !!?!), *for hols timing its early lo*. I thought i want to improve my habit by going to bed early(be a good girl!!?) n so i did. I used to turning to bed very very late in the dawn(i m not exagerrating). While every1 is fast asleep on their beds, i m here, onlining, watching shows n stuff. I kinda liked the quiet, calm feeling but i know this could not last. fine, fine. so i went to bed n tuck myself in after washing up. Like usual, i cant sleep n well, i blast the music.(this is exagerate, i just played the music=.='') After a while, i still couldnt sleep. Until my bro came in to bed and then fall asleep, i m yet, not asleep. So i turned around n start to think of everything. everything in my life and put me in a terrible condition of misery. NOw brilliant, i couldnt sleep because i was too miserable n pathetic. Then i went downstr to get a cup of warm milk(actually, only a little..quarter cup?wtv), they say milk cn make u sleep easier. Okay, then i thought of some stuff, some happy memories n a bunch load of sad memories. ANd when i kept self blaming, i had no idea when i fell asleep. In my dream, i had only the happy memories to think of. I was so happy that i felt surreal. When i woke up, i accept the fact n move on with my ordinary life.

p/s~ What a lousy post..damn it

me

2010-02-06T00:32:00.004+08:00

Well, i decided to straighten my hair in mico...juz for a change fr tis yr cny...i hv no comment on myself but...well, it looks longer now...^^

CNY coming..prepared few clothes...n hope fr lotsa ang pau...(hopefully~)..^^

Regrets

2010-02-04T19:01:00.002+08:00

Some regrets in life could never be redeemed. It will be with you till the end of your life but what makes its different from one another is how you accept it as a fact and move on.

TWO PARTS

2010-02-03T01:24:00.004+08:00

When its like two person in a same body, watching the world go by, i had nothing , much to say. In this night, under the roof, i had no idea how is it outside. dark? starry night or its only the lonely moon. Me, sitting by my desk facing the laptop feeling so lonely. Even with the crowd itself i felt alone, no matter where i am. In the city, on the streets? Even in the mall, at uttermost boredom, i sat on the bench watching people passing me by. Took out the rubic cube n give it few spins. People passing by will look and then move on. Make me thought of my life. I walk and i walk until i met something to ponder, then i move on. I had not known how far is this road ahead of me but i kept walking. Watching at others living their life give me more doubt to myself. my ability to regain happiness. I am satisfied with my life, i am very grateful. The thing left is the journey to discover myself. The feeling of loneliness is really hard to bare. So what is you are surrounded by hundreds of people? So what if you have thousands of accuaintance? If you are not in one piece with your innerself, the is no point at all. So, now i am searching. Really searching.

2010-02-02T22:51:00.002+08:00

TESTING TESTING>>my blog will be down fr a while.....so ignore the intro n stuff..thy are presets..^^

2010-01-30T12:22:00.002+08:00

Note to farhana: i dun think u want to noe,
so seriously, dont have to read this.
I went to animal shelter today with my dad.
-hols 3 months, ntg to do..so do sum good deeds fill time-
When i reached there, i pushed the door open and see many dogs around.
(stop reading farhana..dun say i din warn u).
I walk to the counter wif my dad.
So, since tomorrow will be a jumble sale, many ppl were there. So i help them out with the books...
THERE were tonnes, n tonnes n tonnes of books.(I M NOT JOKING).
ITS donated by people.
So there is a friendly girl, she is doing her a-levels now,she is so friendly. She guided me how to do the task n stuff. She is reli nice. AND then, i saw many dogs around.
THEY WERE SUPER CUTEEEEEEEE!!!
Well, there were cats too but they were in the cages,
maybe they dun nid tat, THAT much exercise.
So, sum free dogs will walk around n theres tis white dog named Lulu.
so frenly,
i see like she is smiling, I can't help but smile back at her. She came around my legs like targeting at my hands or watch, i dont know..=.=
I just continue to do work while Lulu then walk to other ppl n there is tis girl whom distracted Lulu that PUT HER HANDS IN LULU'S MOUTH!!!
n Lulu likes it so much...she nibbled n nibbled....SUPER CUTE...n Lulu did sum rolling stuff-later, she was playing or flirting with other dogs..n they ran around n around n...well...I dont know...-
There is oso another dog but i forget to ask the name. Its brown in colour. n I dont know but when i was standing there, she/he stand on its feet n
PUT BOTH HER?HIS PAWS ON MY HAND LIKE TRYING TO STAND AGAINST ME....
I was like..'scare me la you'..=.=
Then I met PUMPKIN.
.a 2 months old dog..still small.puppy actually.
Its so BEAUTIFUL...like cream colour..she looks like 'manja manja like that' n
REALLY look like those advertisement type of beautiful dog, beautiful brown eyes.
i look at her n she look at me back..super terharu.....
.i think she is about to take afternoon nap...really feel like want to take her home..but home no place to keep dog..sad..I love you pumpkin. Next time i take her pic k...tis tym no chance bcoz so busy arranging the books. if u dont want to touch dogs or really hyper afraid of dogs, do prepare mentally, frankly speaking, they wil TOUCH you.^^
so,
ANY OF YOU WHOM WANT TO GET A DOG, DONT BUY IN SHOP, ADOPT THEM FROM ANIMAL SHELTER. THEY NEED A HOME.

inspiration

2010-01-28T23:16:00.003+08:00

When i look into their eyes, i sense fear. Fear,but not the negative type of fear,not meaning they are scared. Its the fear of being exposed to a new thing, to a new world. Still, what courages me the most is how they took their fear as inspiration and move forward, following the lead of a person, wise and experienced which only gotten by age. This touched me as i felt i am a total stranger from another world from them but watching their acts closely. As i have always been all the while.

~Inspiration~

2010-01-26T02:02:00.002+08:00

Actually, i was wondering, when i pursue my studies in the future, will i stay the way i m like i m in school? trying my best to bring sunshine wherever i go? trying my best to make people smile? I couldnt deny, highschool was a blast for me, i learnt a lot, and my personality well, did upgrade a lil, by the years. From a person whom type of really innocent girl to a lonely, self dependent girl as i grew maybe because lack of friends, or maybe i had not learn how to be dependent to others,tho surrounded by many people, to a person whom learnt to have true friends, when i start to depend a lil by lil to my bestest frens in primary, never looking back at the past, to a person whom build a really close relationship with few friends n i felt like we belong in the same world, tho she is indifferent but i talk more a lil. i hav always felt her care to me in her very own special way.^^ This period of time in primary,i was kinda introvert i would say. Like anything happens in the outside world that doesnt involve me n my bestfriend will not affect us. We are happy as we are. really happy. We went separate class tho in 2ndary,but we still keep in touch.. In high school, i changed into a person which i had not knew. Seriously, i was an indifferent person at first,not much feeling, nothing matters to me...like 'i couldnt care less' that type of person. As tym passes, learnt a lot from my close frens, n well, i m kinda cheerful,open n happy..well, at least that is what eveyone see. My emo problem always come in the way, i hadnt know how to get rid of it. Its, painful. Time by time, i grew up to be a person whom cared for others more than anything else, even more than myself. I dont really think what matters to me, but all i had been thinking is of others feeling, others heart, others opinion...so that i will never hurt them in any way. I learnt by day, if i hurt any1, i will blame myself fr countless times,which is very,very painful.The burden is too heavy. Sometimes, i prefer to be myself which is feelingless,cold, then, i wouldnt care less bout other things, but by doing this, i will hurt ppl too... In the future, i cannot guarantee i wouldnt continue to change, i dont know when i will shut myself down again, when i will be cold again, when i will close myself from others..i donnt know..

..?

2010-01-25T00:38:00.007+08:00

BREAKING NEWS : Ya, not gonna copy farhana

MELTING NEWS: This is ORIGINAL... i m lost
OKAY, look, my future, no IDEA HOW..gonna get it though..
Well, CNY comin..so MANY MANY people will ask bout my plans, i really
appreciate the concern...thanks..: ) But one fact, though i have my plans,
god will decide. I have no idea how to answer my relatives n frns, I m
worried i make them havin high impression to me. Which i really dont
want because i m worried i cant reach that std.
NOW, got sum stuff to settle, n GONNA GET L license tis week n go classes so
i CAN ROCK THE ROAD!! YEAH man..careful o guys....i hope i can get a job as i m
unemployed. gudness..pity betul..
PIANO, my nails really will scratch the keys...sakit hati..but, a few keys spoil
already, sad, its sort of slow down, Anybody knows any cheap service for
'clavinova', electric piano contact me ya, or email me. OR if i gotta change the
full set, anywhr cheap?^^ OH, my bro will be glad bout this, in national service, they
will check nails.==' just brilliant.

BOOKS, my storybooks, i've been re-reading already. TO avoid spending so much
on them..hahah...hols not very convenient to borrow frm frens...^^
CNY clothes, I bought a few clothes n short jeans...but i need a pair of long
jeans. Some colour of faded grey maybe, or a dark blue fading yellowish maybe,
-dun tell me all jeans look the same, because before i did this survey of the jeans,
they were totally diff frm size to size n frm brand to brand. ==' Using white crocs,
nono, not crocs, just smthng like that..haha n oso prom shoes...^^

LOSING WEIGHT...top of to do list...hahaha....trying my best o...^^

ambition

2010-01-23T13:42:00.003+08:00

I woke up when the sun was considered on top of my head. With the groggy face and puffy eyes due to overtime sleeping,i strolled down the stairs and found out that it was really noon. it was quiet today in the house though. i walk to the door n look out. this type of serenity i had longed since back then. sometimes, i would wish that time would just stop for me. so i can truly appreciate what i have. not dreading for what i dont. for now, when i think of my ambition, i slowly lose the confidence to do it as i really dont hv much confidence since i was small even n it sort of deplete by time. I started to think i cant do this n i worry i coulndt cope. What about my aims then?what about the expectations of people around me?what about the cost? What i have for back up? Eachtime i think of my course of choice, i couldnt imagine myself doin smth else in life, and at the same time, i think of the phrase ''ukur baju di badan sendiri'' . A voice kept tellin me that its too heavy but i kept telling myself as lonbg as i work for it, everything wud be alright. Its the battle against my senses. With no resolution.

2010-01-23T01:01:00.003+08:00

YAYA>>>
no dreading post... okok...so today went for an interview...please, dun wanna mention it..haha...so alrite, then my mum n i went shoping...end up only me bought clothes n reali spoonfed myself sum foodstuff... bought sum shorts n oso long sleeved tee...i wanted to grab sum jeans but not reli suitable tho..... got discount!so saved money...hahaha for CNY...cumin up soon...i hav collected clothes already since last yr but not enuf o...shoes buy od...white sandles..haha...even if i include ...hmm... think gotta do more shoppin!

Dilemma

2010-01-21T19:27:00.003+08:00

I really very sad, but 1 thing i've been told i m good in is hiding my feelings really far. Do you have to say that? All the while oso the same, really dilemma. I m so screeching with pain inside but u never understand. This type of thing really dont work on me. Trust me, no matter how hurt i m, i m not affected then. Please, tho i didnt show, doesnt mean i dont care.

~Care~

mixed feelings

2010-01-19T02:58:00.003+08:00

SOmetimes, well, most of the time, I like to keep things that well, i feel its unecessary to tell. I am very selfish now i can tell, that i did not think of someone elses feeling, but i just doesnt like to explain so much. Whatever i m doin, i have planned it already, i know what i am doing. That it why i dont feel the need to explain so much where it will cause more threads frm it isnt it? I dont mind people complaining bout me, well, i m glad i have patience..seriously, cold temper, though its gud that i wun have to fight with any1 but, when i say cold temper, i really mean cold. I dont mind hearing people talking to me for hours about against something i had in mind at the same time doesnt feeling much.not annoyed. not angry. not sad. nothing. Well, you should say 'oh, u shud be glad its cold not hot'oh yeah ? i really have feeling that by cold tempering or mere indifferent or regard it as feelinless will cause others more annoyed. but. cant change it. sorry. thats me. i will try my best to change for the better that i had now realised. i will try.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

2010-01-16T13:17:00.009+08:00

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION
which is super belated! My fren said i mite as well do it in august or sept because i mite as well do it fr 2011.==' Okay..LETS go!!!

2010

The biggest, cutest, pinkest(u think i m farhana meh), YEAR!!!
Okay, This year will be marvellous(i really hope)..everyine chasin their dreams...
but 1 thing, guys, we muz keep in touch k, i really miss you all so desprately, the laughters, the craziness, the annoyance haha..kiddin!
Okay,so the new year is here..hohoho (christmas meh..outdtd betul)
so, There is a well, a lil few stuff
(note to self~fion, dont trust fion when she say that~)

1. Get excellent result for SPM(pray for me)
2. Get driving license n rock the road..woohoo...
3. Get a scholarship
4. Ge a job n earn sum bucks
5. Get JPA or matriculation
6. Watch my diet (yalar yalr)
7. do charity i hope
8. Shoppng!
9. Settle unsettled issue with certain party or certain people
10. Outing wif frens (note to self~wait till ur expanses go up n see wat u got to say!!)

Hopefully, this year will be a much better year than before, bringin new experience.
No more impulsive, thoughtless, clumsy action.! n absorb that theory of
'think before you do'
OKAY.i hope. Then, hope i will be accepted to institutes that i want n cope wif it. HOpe i can love my family more everyday. HOpe i wun be so cold.
(Once, i called tracy n complained that i m kinda cold already n Tracy regards cold as mature because she said by then u will think more than u say, so u wun blurt out unnecesary nonsense!like the current me..==')

Hope i wun have to hide anything frm people i care. Hope i can change my negative attitudes(haha). HOpe i will not hurt anyone in my life.

REALLY SORRY FOR THOSE WHOM HAVE HURT EMOTIONALLY or PHYSICALLY(like any smacking).
Sorry if i never cared what are you all's feeling or opinions. Sorry, if i did somthing that bring u all to trouble. Sorry if i bring any pain to any of u without me realising. Sorry if i offended anyone in anyway as a student, a daughter or a sister or as a friend or as a secretary or prefect or ajk. or as a 'jie'. I did not mean it.

Really SORRY from the bottom of my heart.

Hope everything will cruise smoothly n happilyin 2010. ^^

template

2010-01-16T08:35:00.001+08:00

FOUND! FOUND! YIPPEE>>>hope it wun sesat again!

2010-01-16T08:27:00.003+08:00

~My banner..reported missing since i dont know when~

WHAT IS WRONG WiTH tHE banner??Who ate it up?dont know why it dissapear. I thought my pc got prob then slow, or lagging..Then til now, its still empty. I try to retrieve n reload n adjust but still dont have.....haih..so ma fan..nidda go find new banner...sad...haih..gotaa hunt!^^

2010-01-15T12:47:00.002+08:00

People tend to fear death which they had not know when shall come.
Death which signifies the end of something as well as a begining.
Yes, i admit...death is a part that is unavoidable in our life as a mortal but the acceptance of the fact wouldnt be pleasant at all.
but try to think about it, human go on with their life just as it is,
never know when the angel of death will come.
Nevr expected.
Precaution of basic life safety is yeah needed.
This feeling of responsibility is a lil heavy isnt it? but its vital.
Try comparing with those whom knew when they are going to die, waiting and dreading every moment of it. The fear, which state the moment.
like, this is the time.
its even painful for those whom knew when they will go because, they know the fact of them leaving their loved ones behind.
Even, for a person to expect the death of someone is also dreadfully painfull.
but this is the circle of life.
nothing can stop it and we have to move on to the next phase of life. want it or not.
its how life goes.

2010-01-13T20:25:00.002+08:00

I miss you...^^
So long din hv chance see you od wo...
i oso dunno why i got this nice feeling seeing you, no matter i have what problem, when i think that i will be seeing you, all problems will go away n gimme a break a while.
last time, i look foward to seeing you everyday.
I m so dissapointed when you are not around or what.
I just dont know why i treat you different frm other ppl.
I dont care what people say oso, no mtr its ur acuaintance or mine. I really dont mind at all..as long as you dont mind o....
miss you dear.
i really do.

2010-01-05T14:21:00.003+08:00

SoRrY ItS A Lil late but this is my new year resolution...befor that..gt sum stuf to mention...^^

First of all, I want to say thanks to people around me especially god, my family, teachers and friends whom have helped me tru out the way.

God has helped me in my life. I have always turn to god when i have undissolved matter and god will always be there for me. Looking out after me. Helpin me mend my way. i clearly remembr how god help me wen i was so down. i pray hard n talk to god, asking fr help. Now, I dont know how to express my feeling of gratitude with words. Thanks.

My family has given me the most support i can never have imagined. i m a person whom wouldnt say out much bout my life to family as i think i can stay strong myself. I think there is no need to bother other ppl especially my family as i can solve my own problems n i dont think it would be mch help to me and i hate to repeat the negatv path but i wasnt tat rite. The feeling of being supported by a family is a real different feeling. Its a type of feeling like you have a support n dont have to worry of leaning down bcoz thr is sum1 to catch u. My parents has been vry considerate n excld me frm much chores whn i m hvn exam n hav to study all the time. They did not mind when i spend more tym with the books in my room everynight by my table than being with them nor i did go outing during weekends.

My dad really is vry caring...he will lookout fr me no mttr in wat i do n let me follow my dreams without question as long as i know what i m doin. At nite, once in a while whn studying, well...tak pasal pasal i feel scared cuz studying alone...he will accompany me even its in the middle of the nite...(i feel bersalah u noe..bt no choice...if i kept scared ni den i will end up sleeping..==') My dad help me wif my chores wen i m bz studying...n giv the most love a person can receive in their life. Thanks dad...

My mum is a lil strict but i can feel her love in her own special way. She will giv me freedom i wanted as well as caring fr my safety at the same time.(I m truly impressed by her method..seriously...i hv no idea hw she can gv me wat i want at the same time..what she expects from me....That is why i try my very best to save her the worriness...i dont want them to wori bout me...) My mum is willing to help me out if i hv any mttr at all...n discuss stuff with me n have my opinion...in things that will affect me...sometimes, i feel like she is like my sister..she is reli cute tho...she try her best to shape me as a gud person that will hv good atitude with her own way as well....i love you mum.

My bro leh..tho noti noti...(dun angry o) but he is vry nice leh(if didnt kek me)..help me hafal moral nilai wen my exam nite tat tym...^^..teach me to spin basketball(yalr..i will cut my fingrnail.) den teach me moonwalk(i stil cant moonwalk...==') teman me do chores......tuck me to bed(JUST KIDDING!! funny lar..exaggerAATING)..haha...let me nag bout school whl day...ur ta best!

Teachers in school..whom i truly cherish....help me lots in academic n life....without them...thr will no be me today...thanks...fr guiding me tru tis path...especially YOU teacher...^^

Friends.....Thanks fr helping me truout the way...sharing the nuttest, craziest times n oso the sad times with me..thanks fr those whom changed my life fr the bttr...n also those whom sat there n listen me whine without fuss...fr those whom gv me inspiration to study...This...i will remember forever....oso to my online frens...fr givin me ta chance to bug u at nite...n oso...to samila...next tym, trust me k when crossing the road...i will make it quick n safe...==' transparent dress~ one day i will improve my speed!^^

To my 'dear' in school...i will always miss you>>>you are free to find me anytime you want>>^^

Books...i oso will miss you all...(p/s i love you so much o...really. till my bro nag me bout the 'perfect condition' of the books n i warn him bout ta usual innavaibility of sej book in czip lee....) you*books* are so nice, accompany me to sleep. eat n oso watch tv..hahaha

school, i love you. i miss goin to school ody, miss running in the field(YA RIGHT), miss 'strolling'on the field(sound more proper), miss my prefect duty...miss doin reports...miss the feeling of the tired legs standing during essembly, miss doin rondaan...miss doin homework(...?!!?!) miss my class...miss loitering...(i m a gud gal actually...)...see you soon.

hmm...ok...new year reso keep fr next post..hahaha...tata^^

2010-01-01T18:13:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!
Hope you all have a wonderful journey ahead in year 2010.

Hope all the aims n goals that you made will come true! Accomplish your purpose in life n find the passion to live it to the fullest!!!

2009-12-31T01:19:00.003+08:00

Some history cant be erased..though been seem from a distant view..howevr..faded as it is...i can still see faint shadows painting its memory. Least at it or not, as far as eagle can fly..as far as the dolphins can swim...why did i feel alone..in a crowded pavement. As i stroll by the grey pebbled path, many thoughts came to my mind. Least expected was a touch from a stranger under the afternoon scorching sun...whom i used to know with no boundaries, whom told me lots of masked stuff.. which i had never think of spilling out for my price as a friend until now, whom i've asked before...'Will you forget me one day?Will you treat me like you treat the rest of them?' and that passerby stranger said 'No, i will never forget you..nor will i do that.' These words are clear in my mind..but the difference is...before i couldnt see properly just like the way you do...its just like the rest of them, no matter past, present or in the future. Anyway, i accept it. its the lack in me, the feeling i couldnt give you. it was never your fault. dont worry.nobody would understand what i m talking bout..except you..the passerby stranger...

(ntg to do wif ta post..haha)---->

~p/seh..'wh'..make sure you get into tv k...i dun care...giv you a few yrs time...blek..

2009-12-30T15:46:00.003+08:00

Letting go doesn't mean you are weak,
Sometimes it means that you are strong.

This, is specially written for you.
Sorry for everything I had done in the past. Take care.

post

2009-12-29T23:16:00.031+08:00

TODAY..
.gonna talk bout my friend...

..Sorry a..bcoz i didnt add ur link or read ur bloggie fr so long..
.today i will make a special post for you.. to compensate...

He is a very nice guy i have met kinda long ody tru online..
This yr form 6..smart guy u noe..

very very helpful...
i m so glad i have him as a friend..seriously(terharu leh..^^)

no matter what, no matter when,
if i got prob...he will sure help out n be thr for me..

truthfully, i m reli thankful..
(although smtyms kek ppl..wahaha..joking lar)

dun mind waste his credit fr me...
luckily din send me a bill..(luckily)

wahaha n owez read my blog...

no matter it contains wat crap...
rajin ppl..do biology project under the sun oso nvm...
(not scared of the insect he catch)
(please put it away...o.o vry scared..next tym if gt anythng i ask u help me get them k)

Then, after few months din read his bloggie...he din get mad..
(SORRY..o.o)

no matter morning or midnight(wahaha...)
if feel wanna kacau ppl, i will oso find him..(dun mind o..^^)

oso reli bear with me..tho a lil noti.....

this post is for you

~ WEI HONG ~

2009-12-29T16:41:00.002+08:00

Thanks

Thanks for everything you gave,
the hand tru the darkness,
the light in the endless shadows.

YOU gave me hope,
when i was down,
YOU help me out,
when i couldnt lift my feet of the ground,
YOU listened to my prayer,
n get me tru the pain,
YOU help me move on,
When i m so cold inside.

Thank you for everything.

2009-12-25T23:48:00.002+08:00

it was time to get to sleep..the earliest now...but..i cant. i told myself not to write emo post like tis anymore bcoz my frenz said tat i was starting to get on their nerves. but, i reli couldnt. the feeling of taken aback had me and i cant seem to move on. I have a feeling of pain in myself, past regrets n also worry for the future. The thing that i know is, if this goes on, i dont think i can move on with my life. I felt the screeching pain inside of me, bragging my thoughts on a coarse path.it made my heart felt heavy,really heavy.but, i was thinking, the pain..even it as resolved, i will still feel this pain,no matter what. i had no idea y.really dense feeling of lost.lost in the sea of people, lost in the million miles of self thought. My expression changed day by day till today, where ppl around me realise n actually ask. i tried to change, to be happy, to not be cold..but couldnt help it. Is this the person i m gonna be afta school?is this the person whom is me?i used to talk loads of nonsense...loads of stuff....dun care when or whr.now?when i walk at the pavements, i will be lost in my own thoughts, my own world. please, anyone...help me out...

~feelin of lost~

2009-12-25T21:42:00.002+08:00

THE PICS MUZ WAIT O!!!

ok, after finished it started with a kiss 2, i m free.to.blog. OK>yeap! lets start wit pande camp. the girls summit. i actually expect a boring, lame camp n i go fr the sake of the certificate(national cert wo...^^)so i drag my feet thr with farhana, najihah, n samila. bring our lugages which looks like its for a week!! n i m not joking.

first day~ v registered n wow,we got our personnal room(few ppl) n put our bags n stuff. den v rushed down stairs wen ta wisel sounds!!omg, v reli rushed n v slipped into out uniforms. den gues wat??i kena complain bout my incomplete uniform...paiseh la..seriously..den v got group work!! n my group won. fun feeling tho...i juz do it lo....n my group leader is a form 4 gal-siew fen...she is a nice gal o...den i got a manito....she is JASHEN...aww..love ya lots^^ so the fun part...............MID VALLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! v got a task there...but v finished in a short while so.............v go SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!cool huh? shop sum stuff...okok i admit!lotsa stuff! haha...tis is ta best part! haha...so v went back n do a presentation which i reli very sleepy od tat tym...haha...so at nite....my room has a disco!!wow...farhana even recorded ta video...super funny..n v eat snacks till super full!!!

next day~dawn, i shared bed wif samila n ltr, i went onto farhana's bed to join her..haha....n woke up erly bcoz ta alarm rung...lotsa penampilan talks....n like fun run...smthn lyk amzing race like tat lo.....den at nite,got group work n presentation..super funny!!!!!hahahahah......

nex day...kemas kemas...go home....bfr tat....v got sum ceramah n i found out my another manito...Sharon Edward...she is a nice gal.....^^okies...late od.....i miss thm so much...all my frens there....miss u guys so much!!

p/s~gonna update bout prom, n youth empowerment camp..ttfn

2009-12-24T02:20:00.004+08:00

I dont know why, but seeing the future of mine in front will make me feel so scared. so worried i couldnt grasp my dreams. i know many ppl will say i m dramatic, n so but i couldnt bear without this dream of mine. which i have worked on for many many years. This is the dream i m looking on, to motivate me to study, all these while(farhana noes that^^)especially emo tat time. without this dream, i m nobody. Know, i m looking on my pathway i could go, others than my original dream, the dream that makes me study tru the endless nights, through emotional problem, as long as i think of it, i will regain the strength to move on. This dream of mine, was earlier suggested by parents but they hav never forced me, in fact, they are the most supportive parents in this world for me. They'd never stop me from going to my dreams no matter what since i was small. Being a human being, as a. ordinary child, i changed my ambition many many times, i mean it. after i grow up to upper secondary school, my mind is set. before that time come, ppl around me are worried of me not having an aim in life, usually when they ask me what i want to become when i grow up, i will say i dont know. I can still remember the smile on my mums face when she heard i have already set my dreams in my mind, n i decided it was what she suggested earlier.the only difference is i know what i m doing, i know where i am going. I slowly plan my route n pray hard that god will help me. I spend many years lingering around my mind, not knowing what to do in my life, but 1 thing i finally know, life isnt gonna last forever. the most important thing for me is to make the most out of it. This point, everyone has their own definition of 'making the most out of it'. for me, i have mine too. but, mine, is a lil tough. I dont know how to explain this, but if you know me well, i will know what i m going tru. For me, my life isnt about myself only. i want to make changes in otr ppls life. its complicated. sometimes, i even feel that i m going against my needs, but my mind is set, after i think n consider the life aftr my studies, the values in it. I m willing to do the hard work n spend more sleepless nights for almost a decade to come. I m willing n with gods' blessing, hopefully i will make it. i have discussed my plan with many many parties n people,family,lecturers, students, and frens, in order to get more info, n i know my life ahead of me wouldnt be easy as this is the path i have chosen for myself, but i will do whatever it takes to get there. no matter what happens in the end, at least i tried my best n have no regrets.

2009-12-20T13:19:00.001+08:00

go hear o..very nice^^

HEARD/Ting Jian

你不开心的眼仿佛将我推到悬崖边缘
Ni bu kai xin de yan Fang fu jiang wo tui dao xuan ya bian yuan
[Your unhappy eyes seem to get ready to push me to the disastrous edge]

距离就算在靠近眼前我们一样没焦点
Ju li jiu suan zai kao jin yan qian Wo men yi yang mei jiao dian
[Even if the distance is so close to the eyes, we're still losing focus]

没有你的世界就像寒冬没有春天依畏
Mei you ni de shi jie Jiu xiang han dong mei you chun tian yi wei
[The world without you, is cold, like there is no spring, and is filled with fear]

少了你培在身边
Shao le ni pei zai sheng bian
[The thought of missing you piling up within me]

我的四季只剩下冬天悲伤喜悦回忆不断重演
Wo de si ji zhi sheng xia dong tian Bei shang Xi yue Hui yi bu duan zhong yan
[Winter is what is left from my four seasons, sorrow, happiness, memories continue to evolve]

静下来的世界有我的思念也有你的空虚无边
Heard (Ting Jian) / Thơ Ngây OST lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/Movie-Game-Ads/19651-Heard~Fang-Ya-Xian.html
Jing xia lai de shi jie You wo de si nian Ye you ni de kong que wu bian
[A calm down world has my longing, also has the boundless emptiness]

你有没有听见寂寞的声音悄悄在蔓延
Ni you mei you ting jian Ji mo de sheng ying qiao qiao zai man yuan
[Have you heard the sound of loneliness sneaking in and spreading around?]

它住近我们之间守候着我和你的永远
Ta zhu jing wo men zhi jian Shou hou zhe wo he ni de yong yuan
[It dwells between us, endures our eternity]

你有没有听见思念的呼唤传遍每条街
Ni you mei you ting jian Si nian de hu huan chuan bian mei tiao jie
[Have you heard the call of longing spreading widely on every street?]

就算你走的再远累了回头我就在你的身边
Jiu suan ni zou de zai yuan Lei le hui tou wo jiu zai Ni de sheng bian
[Even if you walk further, once you feel exhausted, when you turn back, I will be here by your side]

2009-12-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

Since my bro went to camp, i would like to talk about him here(shh....dont tell him k, he wont bother to read my blog..so he wun noe wan)..actually,these few days, when he is off to camp, i did nt feel much tho, coz aunts came n i have a taiwan drama to addict on till the crack of dawn(eye bags..o.O)..but when aunts go back, i did not really like so sad or wht la but i feel like i became kinda cold blooded. I dont smile often, i dont talk much, i dont get angry, and all i can say is i, i m cold hearted these few days. this does not mean i dont care my relations, its just that i have no feelings thats all. Happy also the same expression, sad oso the same expression, angry oso same expression. I m not the type who show 'face' or simpler, expression. Any feelings(that i can bear)i will keep to myself , i dont throw tantrums or 'merajuk'(yeah gy, exception to you k!) most of the time. ok. out of topic already. the point is, i realise that my bro has played an important role in my life n i appreciate him lots...^^ with him, i have sum1 to argue with once in a while, sum1 with jokes to laugh to, sum1 to nag to n make me felt like a sister, sum1 that i can gv advice n well,ignore the times whr i felt sleepy k..sum1 to make me cheer up again(yalar yalar cute la u) out of nonsense stuff, sum1 to help me with chores. With my bro around, i have expression. Nw i realise even he is away fr a few days, i felt witht him, i will grow up into a cold blooded girl, a person whom has no feelings, a person whom is hard, a person tht will do only the basic thngs to survive n lock herself in the room whnevr thrs time. now, wanna say, thanks wayne...you are the best bro any1 can get....love you lots...^^

2009-12-18T01:23:00.002+08:00

TODAYS PROM WAS SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!seriously i dont noe wats goin on but its so nice n we hit ta dance floor till 12 am! wow....my first tym tho...dance like mad..dun care who ask oso....really felt like so...free. wow.cool....dance our 'fsquare dance with FARHANA'hahahhahahhatell u, we laugh like mad ppl!!! omg...n most important part.......CAMWHORE reallilyk mad people!!!!!!!!wit ta fish,with ta food, with ta cake...so called jealous of their cuteness...adui!n v even recorded*our walk up ta stair*hahahahahhahha/......gonna upload soon...wahahaha....for more news, go to http://www.etudeofthefsquare.blogspot.com

pics gonna be uploaded soon....sleepy now..n feet r kinda pain...so...ciaoz^^

SPM

2009-12-11T12:59:00.003+08:00

This is a little 'late' but still wanna say it......

SPM IS OVER!!! I REPEAT.....SPM IS OVER!!!

All this while's effort, those sleepless nights, the eyebags, the lights which accompany me to bed(didnt realise i fall asleep), caffein shot in the evenings or tea, resist temptations, movies,all those pages in the book i've flipped(have a look at my unique and exquisite history book),all notes,all exercises n all concentration, i have finished everything already!! I can barely believe it..now, i still feel guilty when i watch television whole day(not that i like it but i dun have anythng btter to do),blogging is fun,and well,gotta watch out my diet..hahaha I am gonna take license too in few weeks time, n yeah baby, i will tour around the town(dont remind me about the fuel though.=.=) AND i m 17 going on 18!feel kinda old..haha...i still feel the exhaustion though and migraine came these few nights.I hope it will run off in the next few days(and i thought it was the caffein's fault) I m gonna miss my dear school, teachers(thank you a lot...)and friends, and those crazy stuff we did together, seriously i dont think i will ever find any1 like them...they are the bestest frens you can find! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! NOw hols,i m gonna start sketching my plan...muahaha..THANKS FOR EVERYTHING TEACHER,I WILL MISS YOU SO MUCH
.(this pic i shud put long tym ago, but have upload to pc...)

My route

2009-12-10T17:28:00.003+08:00

Its has been a long year. long way to come ahead. long dwindling route
for me to
choose on my future life. since its almost christmas, i might as
well call it a
frozen snowy road in front of me waiting to be walked on. In
the poem 'the road
not taken', signifies me in my life, the pathway i am on.
Well, an ordinary girl
like me wont do much harm to anybody right?(except to
my bro) yeah, indeed, a
never ending journey for decades to come, waiting
for me, to be studied as my
journey that i chose to be a doctor in future.
my unnoticable in my life,as
simple as i am, is how complex i am inside. i
have no idea where this
'enthusiasm'come from. but indeed, my life journey
was never easy especially
through out this final year in school, challenging
bumpy road i had went tru hav
i?people walking by my sides, frens all have
yet to be parted now.at least till
wew meet again in a decade?2
decades?(ignore the fact that we will meet at the
'big'result day, oh yeah
man, i m so nervous.) i also had no idea where my
emoness come from, maybe i
adopted this 'habit' in a dream?but 1 thing i am
sure, nobody would like it
as i reli want it to go away.seriously, i dont know
why my bro can be so
'hoi sam guo' all the time.haha.=)..^^V..there he goes
again. i will regret
over small small stuff,even tiniest mistake, it seems lyk i
cant
accept the nature of a human whom always do mistakes have i?i just
cant, dont know why though.Just gotta get tru it and move on like every
homosapien does out there. hopefully. i dont want regret my life. the life others have been living so nicely,happy. sometimes, i am jealous.jealous of lack of feelings in otr ppl, but too much in me. I can see the gradient between me and allmy friends. Theres good thing to all this though.For this, am grateful. Thank you.

2009-12-06T17:35:00.004+08:00

I 've woke up feeling empty, lost. Dreaming related dreams one after another, torturing me although i had let go. Not joking, i kept dreaming the same type of dream few nights after another, making me awake early of dawn, hoping its not true. Dreams aren't always what you think they are. when i woke up, a little dssappointment kicks in but, i m so thankful that what happen was just a dream. Even in my illusion world i can feel the torture like how i did when i m in reality. The pain. Thankfully, as time passes by, i no longer dream the same torturing dream. It gets better. and better, fader day by day. No longer wake up drenched with piles of hurt nor do i wake up feeling alone. Well, normal emo-ness ya still there(emo whr can go away wan =.=)..but the rest, i m glad. ^^

OKAY,DONE....
now.......................................................

VISIT
http://www.etudeofthefsquare.blogspot.com/
i will remind u guys frm tym to tme....you wll know why
tata^^

future

2009-11-26T11:16:00.003+08:00

Its here and its gonna end, i question myself of what i regret. now its too late. i have no idea. i again ask myself, will my dreams be pursued or left behind. I'd never second thought my dreams to take up medicine course whtr i get JPA or matrix or not.with god's willing n blessing, i pray hard so god can help me. without scholarship, i will still pursue my dreams, maybe cut ta cost of living first. taking up loan which will get me decades to pay. now, i have no idea whtr this road is still open for me. i have done many mistakes in my life and i dont want thus to be one of them. SPM~the pathway for my future. i dont know whtr the future stil hold the same wish i did when i first found my goal. I dont know.

Dream

2009-11-01T10:19:00.000+08:00

A dream I dreamt yesterday after studying biology..

Had no idea why.....

I was walking through the brightly lit pavement at night. The cold wind slaps my face as i pass through the shops which is still busy with visitors. Alone with my thoughts, I walk away. Have no idea when, I've been with a small girl, probably is my daughter or somewhat, she has the most adorable pink cheeks i have ever seen, the most beautiful brown curled hair i have ever touched. We were chased. I ran for my life and brought her along. Somehow, we hid in a balcony. i put her in the wshng mhn and hid behind the baskets filled with clothes. I ask her to close the lid so nobody can ever find her, nobody can ever hurt her. All I want is for her to be safe.The person that we were runnin from found me. I went off with him, hoping the girl would not be caught.I was thrown harsh into a secluded area with hundreds of people. I fall into the arms of someone i knew, someone i really loved. *a** not in reality, but in my dreams. He wore red that day. i was glad i met him. really thankful because i know, if he is there, i will be safe, or dying with him would be a much better option than looking at him suffer n leave me alone. We rushed to the sides of the building. locked. the outer compound is all locked up. I m worried of the girl. really. Than as the subject came into the area, we turned around to avoid its attention. then, he gave, us a line. the doors will be opened for 2 seconds and those who got out will have a chance to escape, only if they come back through the other chamber. i ran my heart out. i screamed for him.*a**!!*a**!!where are you??i saw him running while his eyes are on me. i kept running untill then, when we were out, he held my hand and brought me to the othr chmbr. We made it. At that moment, though it was a dream, I felt the pain of losing the one you love. I felt the urge, the need to keep your loved once alive, no matter what its takes. Its was really hurtful. Then as the subject announce those who made it out may leave, He ask us a question, a person is missing from this class. Who is she? the fear creeps into my spines. I felt so scared that i regret i even brought the girl here. I held his hands and told him what happen to the girl we loved. he held my hands tight.And i woke up.

2009-10-26T19:03:00.002+08:00

Ya, i miss you so much dearie..today's date
26th October 2009 I will remember forever o...hope you will remember me after i
leave school in a month time...because i will...^^ take care yourself, i will
come to visit frm time to time....maybe that time if your mum let, i mite bring
you around...or come to my hse fr a visit...thanks lots....okay, gotta go, i
need to study...^^

~miss ya~

TODAY

2009-10-21T17:45:00.002+08:00

This post was a draft few weeks ago~

Today, I remembered the moment where I let go of you. I told myself that I will never blog about you anymore in the future for its not worth it as in the past, the memory of how you pierce my heart and shatter it into pieces, so fine that I cant even see the pieces myself. Now, just so you know, I did not blog with pain like I used to.. I blog with freedom that I longed for all these while when I was suffering, now I can get the freedom that I yearned, Thanks to god, family and closest frens, even those i'd never think of, came walking into mylife like they noe me for a long time, and thanks guys, I knew that god send you all to me....i Know. Now, as I walk around in my hse, i saw things that you gave to me, the happiest things and the most painful things, lying around. I saw things I'd never open, put sum courage, open them.look at them, and smile.I m glad this is over. I do. as courageous as i am, I had no time to pack the stuff and keep it in the closet. maybe aftr schools over, I will get sum time, to fade my hurtful past.from sight of others and myself..for once and for all.....

i am free

2009-10-17T17:52:00.002+08:00

To my friend in a private blog whom I really cared~title: You are not alone
msg~ I truly Hope you will read this so you know i m always here for you no matter what happens, even if the world turn their backs on you. you can call me anytym you want.

I truly appreciate your presence in my life. Id never thought i would meet you this year n be friends tru msn. Although we r not close in reality life, but here I hope you know I cared lots bout you. I know your pain as how you have understnd mine. I have been irrational like you..but i thought of my responsibility. I saved myself from seeing any drip of red droplets because I think far and i thought of my reponsibility to myself, family and the world. Never let that happen to you. Never! Its not worth it. I want you in my life as my friend. Dont do that. I dont want to lose you. Those who make you cry doesn't deserve your tears, those who deserve your tears wont make you cry. You have gotta let go of your undissolved past. Let it flow away with your tears.listen, if you cant make him happy, someone else can, and when he is happy, you should be happy. And when he is now happy, you gotta move on, because life is all about moving on for your dreams. Never let that stop you. This is barely the beginning of your life. theres more for you to discover. if you r sad once in a while, its okay. pour it out to a person, maybe me if u feel like it. I hav no idea whtr i deserve to be your friend or not but i m always here for you. I f not to a person, maybe to an object. diary, blog, journal or piano if you play one. So what if your tears pour down on the keys and wet the white, satin felt keys..so what if your tears wet ta piano n drip off....believe it or not, it will make you feel better, because its tears, not red droplets on keys. never do that k..promise me..my friend...

~here for you~

2009-10-10T21:35:00.005+08:00

Equatorial hotel ~2nd part...^^~

Continuation of graduation party.....^^

~me n shantini..p/s ignore my hair ~
~me n keerthana p/s ignore my hair~

~yo chocolate fountain~

~me n food...hahahaha p/s ignore my hair..i tied it up in rush..ya plus sweat~

~First dish..was hungry..nice dishes..haha~

~second dish..got salmon, squid, tuna,lasagna..superb food~

~all the cakes.. cheese cake, tiramisu,swiss roll, pudding,layered,chocolate,fruit..etc~

Eating..p/s ignore hair

~look at the size...hahaha~

alrite,till here first..mite grab more pics soon^^

P/s~ SORRY DEAR THAT I DID NOT HAVE THE CHANCE TO TAKE A PIC WITH YOU TODAY, was really busy that i missed your presence...I M SORRY..WE WILL TRY SUM OTR TYM,DUN WORRY...love ya always^^

~always~

graduation Day!!

2009-10-10T16:58:00.012+08:00

GRADUATION DAY IN SCHOOL AND EQUATORIAL HI TEA(ya right..its deserved to be called a super heavy brunch)

FIRST PART~ Graduation Ceremony in school

After a day of seriously waited day, THE GRADZ day, i end up with ya, swollen toes but most of all......MY TEACHERS AND frenz!!!!! i was so dizzy on thinking wht to wear but end up wearing my mums baju kurung which ya,, i admt..shes got bttr taste den me humai...n changed to a dress ltr because i was freaking sweating! in the morning, took loads of pic in the toilet and pavillion..so excited and panic that i forget to shake pn norlia's hand haha...sorry...and to aishah a.k.a reyoko..mum...sorry that if i was like so panic on stage that i almost froze. and thank god i did not trip..haha..if not it wud be rather embarassing..okay,back to my day..firstly,i walk with TRACY..(though i wore heels, she is still taller than me...and thats the first thing she told me in the morning..=.=)niway, you go girl! to register n get our robes..THANKS TO INTI COLLEGE, we got beautiful GRADUATION coat....(not green,ITS blck,gosh remind me of the piano) den, i took a big round to the toilet after pujuking tracy to come along bcoz she insist to sit and get sum wind..i was like..toilet also can...so i managed after all..^^.n we camwhore like wht...(THOUGH tracy doesnt want...but i made her...THANKS TRACY>>>love ya) i took loads wif KEERTHANA and SHANTiNI(you guys look super pretty...seriously i m honest...) with diviya n janani too^^....many more....hehe...thanks for agreeing to take pichas wif me guys...so aftr kena rushed...i faster walk to the pv..n there is the graduation ceramah n ceremony..theres ta pics..^^then took loads of pic with my dearest teachers n frens...(SOrry fr those hu x sempat....nex tym sure gt chance...gugugu*.* wei hong..i m not a pigeon k ....o.O)then, after i was freakin sweating, i rushed to the toilet to change my clothes...(firstly, bcoz i was wet wif sweat, 2nd, wanna make variety pics ^^..ltr i tell you bout the cinderella issue..if i sempat ...) then, v bertolak to the hotel, i was glad bcoz my feet showing the signs of ....-pain-so i was excited to throw myslf into the food...so much variety!!!!!!!i m not joking...i went few rounds....till in the end..i felt like so bloated n i swallowed a mug of dark coffee...(i added a sachet of EQUAL -sweetener kononya wanna go healthy-but i was lyk drinking herbs...it was bitter n i concluded i liked nescaFE better..-ya ya..i seldom drink...caffeine is a stimulant..not gud for health...)so added some brown sugar n finally, milk...thn its super fragant tat i took all n samila was lyk WAt ta face at me. Samila....dun put too much sugar...i think u stop puting lo....Me~put sum sugar n milk..her~ok..watm still bitter..me~wat?? how many bekas u wan?? her~ its bitter...me~i show the wat ta face....hahahahahahaha...ok....den aftr que-ing n get food MANY TYMS...MANY MANY tyms....v go camwhore!!!see this

~This is me n farhana..(one of my bestest dearest..ignore the fact she is real seng*t)~

~me and frens n teachers..love all of you~

~najihah, me, samila,pn yusnaini,baby,humai,umai~

~pn rohana n us~

~bee li n I~

~Navee givin speech..ya ya i noe..cant see her face...sorry..o.O

~5 BERLIANS~

~beauty peagant~

~in toilet..look at Loh Ling's hand..hahaha~

~Reyoko n Me~

~Pn hasni n I~

~Yaya...our class again...I LOVE YOU GUYS ^^~

~Nazeerah, me n baby~

~wow..i look weird~

me, navee n mei theng..p/s got light effect..hahaha..

~Kalai n I..lalala~

~me n humai~

~YEAH N SUSU~

2009-10-06T13:59:00.002+08:00

Is this the price?

To you

Is this the price,
I shall have to pay,
For lending your sight,
Of me I would say?

Is this the price,
I have to bear,
For you are my friend,
No matter what you do till the end?

Is this the price,
I have to face,
From now and for on,
Thats all i could say?

Is this the price,
Though I stand by you,
for now and for ever,
no matter what happens,
Though deep i felt a crust of stabbing pain,
But it seems too dull,
I am nothing to you at all.

Sorry

Sorry for the lack of faith,
sorry for the lack of my grace,
Sorry for the lack of remembrance,
Sorry for my less.

2009-10-04T11:22:00.002+08:00

HOME DECO EXPO

Look clearly....

so unique..price also unique..

beautiful

i went to exhibition..for home deco...had lotsa walk n tonnes pic...but..i m gonna put up wat i felt interesting only kie....ntg to do bout me..paiseh ...i

went n the shop and take..thn luckily ta shopkeeper din shout or throw boxes at me...coz din ask them first..den so selamba i walk out...yala...i memang 'cha thaw' in hokkien means straight like the log...wat to do..i cant change^^

2009-10-03T11:31:00.002+08:00

To my beloved Weinbach in the corner

you are gone....gone from my life...i want to track you but i couldnt...i miss the time we've spent together, how i lay my fingers on you...how you seem to understand me no matter i was sad, broken,exited r very happy...you seemed to know how to console me each time...no matter with laughters..or my tears spilling over on you...after i spent my time most of the days in the weeks evening with you...aftr that..i feel better...regain my sanity...I dont care people say you are old..you are spoilt or you are out of tune.....For me...you are the best..you are the one for me...i love you...i love your keys...i love the soft velvet feeling brushes my hand my when i play you...although many vandalism has been done...you are perfect in my eyes as new...now that you are gone forever replaced by a new one, a beautiful black yamaha

piano, has a shiny key cover and great pedals, not to mention the golden partial cotton, polystr and velvet cloth on you..and a lock. I can no longer sew some piece of my song into the school...no more..Though with this, i remember YOU , an original wood brown Weinbach, loosened pedal, and labeled white keys with marker pen...and a spoilt lock. Spoilt lock..the reason you brought you to me....dont worry..i will always remember your own classy beauty..the comfort you bring me....the memory you carve in my soul..i will always remember.....

2009-09-25T23:24:00.002+08:00

Speech Of Silence

Watch silence of humans' soul,

Not empty as all told,

Look deeper my dear,

For that's what we hold,

Look wiser my dear,

To read the speech of silence.

A small Road

A small road,

ahead of me,

narraowing each and every step,

Brittles every second,

Towards a silvery end,

Undiscovered.

In the darkest moment,

Feel the light,

that once shine me,

Catch the wind,

that once swept me,

Find again the path to reality.

I will rise up,

To watch the spring of summer,

The blooming of blossoms' dew,

The love of humanity.

~2007~

2009-09-25T13:30:00.003+08:00

~ Transparent dress, shall be fitted by a dramaqueen~

There are times where life doesnt go your way,

thats when you feel you are alone,

a lonely soul out in the deep dark night,

though its shinning brightly outside,

however not in the inside.

when you whine and sigh,

you expect everyone to shudder away,

maybe miles and miles apart,

for the trouble you are,

for the words you bring.

Then, when you are in misery,

like nothing could save you indeed,

someone step out and lend their ear,

for hours and hours of cries,

not to mention old whiney rhymn,

and "something that crosses the line",

sounds quite silly for me to rewind.

Till today,

i know you will be there,

carving smiles as you go around,

just like before,

i m able to shine on others,

bringing rainbow wherever i go,

walking the lane with you.

All these,

thanks to you,

for being there no matter what i do,

Though i weep or coo,

never once bored frm my company,

never once ever rejected me,

accepting me for who i am inside.

(call me obese then..^^outside what..)

Thus by this,

i promise you,

i will be here with you,

being your support to lay on,

though if the world turn their back on you,

no worries,

i am here for you,

for forever shall come,

for now i conclude,

thanks again to you,

for taking me with feeling no less,

This one is for you,

my transparent dress.

~solar chandelier~

2009-09-23T09:41:00.005+08:00

Yeah its me again..well it wud be nut if its not me isnt it..yeah..gud news..my nails grown long already but sad..sch is gonna reopen n i gotta cut them off....but at least not now(well i admit i have scratched my piano keys..i din mean it!n my calculator and my brother...i din mean it too!) yeah..i m over it...haha..okok.... you have a lot of other friends out there...its a world for u to discover..(break my words bout wat i told ya ystdy..but only a little..^^)its oky..i understand..i m still here fr you ...see ya if theres tomorrow...

oh dear...a week hols and i m lazy like a pig...gosh...i gotta catch up wif studies soon..hahahha

^^

2009-09-20T21:33:00.002+08:00

I wouldnt know what is goin on with me..frequently..i revert
to the older version of me..though i never change..few years back..i often felt
like i am just a soul in a body of me..like i am watching my life passing
through me in the outside world. I no longer recognise who am i and what am i
doin in this earth surface.its like i am seing the world from the inside of my
soul instead of the outside me, time passing through outside.i no longer
recognise people around me as they are. I question myself, the meaning of my
life..the route i shall take and what is my purpose in the world, living. Its
very simple actually.In this stage of my life, where i actually experience
laziness,well..its a part of human nature i wouldnt object. Its the feeling of
wanting to experience everything. but now, i often feel apart of myself only is
living life as it is..eat, sleep, shopping,reading and other basic living stuff
while the other part of me is watching the other part doing all these to
continue my life as a human. I have no idea what i could do to bring both part
in humn again. still,when i search my role in the world, i realise it wasnt
about myself all the long, it was for others but i am glad. I love my
family..and my friends. In future, i really wanted to do something for
them..now..i would like to push myself to the edge where i can excell and get to
achieve my ambition. By then, i can help more than only a person(myself), i can
help others in the world, those who need me there..my family, friends and other
people here and overboard where countries are striving, where people are
starving, where human beings are pushed to the limit just to survive their live,
just over the minimal living border, unlike here, with abundant of sources and
living helps, people wants more than they can get..its again,human nature.
Maybe, my dreams sounds to high up if you would say, and all i can say is, my
journey wouldnt be easy, it will even be called tough. indeed. but, i promise
myself, my family and the world, i have tried my best, i am trying my best and i
will always try my best. In the end, i will leave the rest to god. I know i am
nothing compared to other great people that i know, saved many, give lives to
many. I know i am just a small character in this puzzle of the world, a
miniscule indeed.unnoticed, but i know, if i made it to my dreams, i will be
able to play my part and purpose in this world. To make the world a better
place. I know people will say what an ordinary girl like me could do, but i will
prove to myself and the world,that i will try my very best to reach them.To
bring hope and touch the lives of others, like how n family and friends
did.Pray for me, to help me to help others. I know its not easy at all, but its
worth the try. Worth the try.

~ReAcHiNg OuT~

2009-09-20T10:29:00.002+08:00

its a SUNDAY mornin and i really had nothing to do.. fine..that is not entirely true but you get it dont you...hmm..yeap..dont remind me bout exam...i m still in a numb mode over here..oh yeah!i have something to think about....YOU! (p/s..just say it wouldnt you..i m bored watching the soap opera already...quick...you all dont wanna regret though..and i am entirely happy about it...dont worry...^^sorry bout the interuption though....i am just a curious person..think as if i am not here okay?like invisible..and i will never...NEVER ,NEVER..i repeat NEVER do that again...haha....that will be the last..(What?at least i will try my best..i noe i am damn bzbd..maybe it increases with my age..ya..ya..you are young..i gotta admit..O.O) I AM SO SORRY....and i mean it..seriously....FORGIVE ME OKAY....keke...well....anyway..hmm...j'aime jouer 'reversi online' parce que mon amies parle bien francais avec moi mais ills parle peu anglais...they kinda different from me...and i dont noe who are they anyway...but they are fun..oh ya...talking bout this....still no matter what happens..i still couldnt beat WEI HONG!!reversi master la...but my skills are karat anyway..its up to nothing in the end....sorry! curisity kills! i wanna noe what is goin on with you all..lalala....so excited...but i might not be true..so if you guys felt its true then its true!yeah! that will suffice to make up my day...sunny day......

~CuRiOuS AnD SoRrY~

MSG FR DIFF HUMAN

P./s 1~FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE

P/s 2~(I AM STILL A STUDENT>>)^^

HI!! I am back!^^

2009-09-19T11:33:00.007+08:00

HI!!This is my first blog since trials..(almost ended but i am
enjoying myself anyway..i m left with accounts,est and math..which..i am quite
lazy to do rite now..)TRIALS! though it was almost over, i couldnt gain any
satisfaction..the papers were tough for me..i assume i lack of
studying..Well..so decided to do a whole new change to my blog to...well...i hav
no idea why..(I END up get nag n nag by my brother..the whole night..he kept
sighing and i continue with my evil laughs)..GIVE and TAKE see?*smirks*one more
thing, i didnt noe human could sleep like me...like pigs..but its nice
until...............the receptionist in the office says "why do you look so
pale?"not only her, Samila too...she was bloody worried i will faint and i am
so not joking at her expression. OH YES! and on thursday, since we are like
freebirds,we actually too free that..we played hide and seek with a 5 year old
girl in the library?(fyi, its unoccupied k,v are not that,THAT open)you know, if
with other kids, i might not care that much(i bet i will..) but its DAMIA! I
REPEAT..DAMIA!SHE is so darn cute that no one,i repeat NO ONE could resist and i mean it.she brought her
coloring book and oh god..did i mention that me n farhana help her colour in
shades and nice?i bet her mum gonna smack us one day for 'helping her' finish
the book.and no matter whr she go, everyone will surround her..(i notice this
when i sat quietly at the corner and watch her).nex time i will show a picture
of her n i m sure you guys couldnt resist too.... but..samila scared her
well..actually, i have no idea y is she scared of her...seriously..haha..she
almost sobbed..i was freaking scared her mum will come n see tis
incident..hahahaha

Friday~my convo wif samila in the restaurant

Me~lets do a study plan for next week

samila~okay

Me~lets start on monday..

Samila~WHat?then what am i gonna do tomorrow?(P/s, she is darn rajin..unlike me..)

Me~please...okok...sunday

samila~nope..saturday

me..~aiya...okok

Samila~start at...7am...

Me~ WHAT?!!??

Samila~okay,9 am then

Me.~haih..ok

Samila~at first i wanna say at 4 am...luckily i din..if not you will faint.

ME~ absolutely true..indeed

(WHY am i so lazy??n now i am onlining like day and night...gosh..)

Okay..picture update..

~So cute la the kid...~

~Random pic before exam..now..there is no need~

~Feel like sleeping~

Thats all..tata^^

2009-08-28T22:24:00.002+08:00

Look at the life we're passing tru..everyday......thrs time whn i nid ya thr...i always hope u will be thr fr me....i really hope...like how i want you around..bt i noe tht v r frm diffrnt world..diff age gap...diff time....dff atitude....still....hope is thr....at least for me...to live my life..

2009-08-22T23:16:00.003+08:00

My dreams, i am going for it..i dont care
what it cost..no sleep?no games?no tv?(dont like it anyway)..my sanity?i dont
care..i am goin for my dreams..focused..i want my dreams to come true..i want to
excel in my exam..my future..i grasp my dreams n work for it..i dont care bout
anything anymore..i want to succeed thats all...i am taking my dreams to a whole
new level..to its horizons..i am working on it..i am getting to my dream..to be
a doctor..to make my presence in the world worthwhile...i am grasping my dreams
to my soul and heart...

2009-08-18T12:15:00.002+08:00

I OFFICIALLY SAY...I MiSs YOU! even one day ditching school make me miss you...u r much younger than i am...but...seriously....i cant wait to walk you to class tomorrow..if that is what it takes..-tell me wen i had enuf of me-thankfully my class ends at 1 pm..it will be just right...but..for now...take care okay...n i make smthng up fr you...hope you will like it...tell me okay if you dont...i will figure up smthng else..enjoy you day...miss you...-i mean it-

MiSs you lots from ta last we met...^^