A mini post for a mini day out

I toss my shopping bags into the boot to release my now reddish hand and flushed face from the scorching heat *sounds like a garage full of Padinis' and Louboutins-look-alikes but nope! more towards Oreo's, a pack of fettuccine, a carton of milk,some dried mangoes, a bottle of orange juice and some chocolate bar..etc etc...grocery items..blah blah and YES i am expecting some guest! wee...An old time friend coming over for some girls day-in! cooking and baking n stuff...it sounds like i m catching up on childhood! Never too late isnt it *grins * Open the car door enter,fling my handbag over the seats to the back,adjust the seat,pull off my pair of garage heels and toss over to the back n strap on my seatbelt. Love to drive barefoot recently...give me more sense of control *bla bla bla skip all the miss-no-sense-of direction- thing and thanks to daddy built-in-my-head-gps , i reach home safe and sound.

Attente

Attentes. 

Leurs attentes. Votre attente. Mon attente.

puis-je remplir?

Je suis desole. Tres desolee. Je ne voudrais faire pas vous inquiet... je suis tres inquiet aussi.

~

Its time to grow up. 

Aged a year. Mentality should be as well. Have i grew? 

it was very unthoughtful to make people worry or angry isn't it at this age? 

sometimes i wonder will anyone ever understand me. 

I am not perfect myself. I am sorry I cant be perfect. 

I tend to over react when people step over my limit. 

There are times I have this inner battle on settling whats wrong or whats right. 

In the end, I silent up and keep it to myself and overnight the result tend to be better than if i voice out what ever it is in my mind. 

I am trying. I am trying to be whoever you need. 

Temper check. Tick. Voice check. Tick. Facial expression check. Tick. 

Maybe sometimes i just doesnt want the expectation .

 The pressure building. I just hope you would understand.Its not i did not think of it.

 I only want to tell you when the time is right. 

The road not taken

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost

Used

Me. finally understood whats the meaning of being used. I want to say thanks for everything. Even if you are too ignorant to care.

Thoughts

Combating the steep wondering thought!

 Oh freakin out..got a class at 8.30 tomorrow but it doesnt seem like it put me tru any awakening.

 Notes piling up proud.,..aint doin anything about it... 

LOST . 

cant seem to find my self anymore...what more prove you want?

being awake at precisely 2.36 am doesnt mean i party all night, its kelantan mind you! 

My list to do has been smashed to the wall on the previous pms -mini fight session with the bf.

 Its been a while... we're on good terms. =) 

Realised I'ved been a little ignorant girl in kl really seriously doesnt help much! being ignorant n living my life at my own pace give me space i need!

 i m easily influenced by people...it made me miserable...='(

AND coming here has made me really reluctant to change but what choice i've got?

 It isnt like mcq question that you can simply pick the colour you like! dude ~ 

Moderation will be the word today

. I aint sure where i will go after life but i relly hope i can do what i want beforhand.

 Aimed to a good girl isnt it? 

being a faithful ordinary girl, in my own ordinary modest world. 

What my life got to offer? everything.  i need that motivation! 

i need to find out who I am. It aint easy  . Wana be a doc...wanna join MERCY..someone is waiting for me out there...i strongly believe ,wait for me =)

Tell me about it. I nm confused with whats wrong n whats right. 

I decided to stick to my own believes and ignore whats bad, take in whats good.

 n hope god will show me the way. God, i know I have you to count on. Stay with me,please? =)

 Tell me what should i do next. Where should i go...

='(

A diverging road of two.

I chose the path less taken.

time comes, i felt emptiness...

why am I seemed to be the one left out?

i felt like i was travelling on a bullet train somewhere in northen paris alone with my bagpack n hopping off a cliff without knowing what lies beneath.

is this the price for

being who I am?

i don't feel you here...what went wrong?

intense training is ovr...time fr me to put my self of bits n pieces...together.,..re set my target...put my face bury in my Guyton or Moore underneath the dim study lamp... i m all messed up...

theres nothing anyone can do about it...

all i ask for is a simple hug...to bring me away from reality check,

for i can feel your presence n support...

to put in me some real feelings...

i don't want to be hardcore inside...='(

i just hope the memory i carved in everyone's memory would be a smile =)

Someone whom...

A bag of M & Ms...

open up expecting upflowing rainbow chocolate candy on your
k-e-y-b-o-a-r-d...
or
forming trails towards a secret garden u've never known...

would you expect a valley of birds solely,
or
a field of knee-high greeneries...

that you're willing to spend eternity staring to the sky with your
soul mate?

*the point the point *

You won't know what lies ahead...

whats been planned but should you know who you are and where you're heading.

it suffices.

Right now, i'm on a break from medical school...a week break from the hectic lifestyle i've been through...
never had time for myself...to be myself...
really thankful about god, my supportive family,friends and professors.

Medical school was never easy and it aint goin any easier. one thing i have not mentioned here before, a guy which always there for me.

Made things worthwhile.

(Family comes first as always,but he is new,aftr my family queue =) )

He came to my house for a slumber party a couple days ago. spent the whole first night watching Hippocratic oath drama or sumthng...til around 2 plus, n the next day, a whole new day for us to celebrate the postponed valentines day =)

p/s~ was exam couple of days back,darn busy...
reading bout cranial nerves
[ok thats a lie,i gave up on CN long time ago...==' ]

and what#soever haematology stuff...@@

He's cooking...hey,i helped out too kays!!!
(to eat of course...#like a boss#)

Self cook-ALL IN ONE- spaghetti. =='

Sauce..ingredient~frozen foodstuff ##

TADAA~~~
see, i carve ur name kay...so nice xD

The next day,went out wif matrix crazy gang...
all no life,full time 9gaggers ...every 5 minutes~

#likeaboss# #problem?xD# #f*ck yea...# #mthr of god...-.- #
HAHAHA had karaoke for what seemed like the whole day...

On the way back,took LRT... the transit to KTM back ...
feel really safe with him there..

theres a whole crowd of people...i used to feel lonely in a hectic pavement,
but with him,i am not alone. for once.

He hugged me tightly while clinging on the pole,

helding my arms on a side,and my bag on the other.

It was really packed with people and has this insecure feeling as how you face everytime in a packed train .

but this time,its different.

It felt like even he is always there for me, always there to protect me.

I weep that day,being an ordinary girl for some personal reasons of me being hurt deeply ,i don't know when will i recover but i know theres a shoulder to catch my tears.

I felt tranquility for once in ktm.

I cn nap without worrying i would missed the station,knowing he will be there to watch after me.

When we r back home,there is someone to brush teeth with me,compete on who brush the cleanest...the fastest...the most santa claus-ish beard...

Theres someone to flip my baby album together with me...tease me on how i used to be so round n chubby...(as how i am now xD )

Theres some one to chat with me whole noon till i fall asleep on his chest listening to his heartbeats...

(skip the mechanical properties of cardiac cycle guys...=))

He always there to tuck me to bed before i sleep and give a goodnight kiss,ensuring everything will be alright..

i sleep knowing he will be thr when i wake up...

When he wakes me up in the morning,

i can roll n nap a couple of times on the bed,waking up,still seeing his face upon me...

(still trying to wake me up ..haha )


Someone to help you prepare the meals...



Someone to help you with the dishes....



Someone to accompany you do facial at -h-e-r-b-a-l-i-n-e-... i know its sounded like #wattheheck!@ # but thats true...=)

someone to walk with you to the nearest supermarket n get lost on the way together...n then shop like crazy for foodstuff n titbits...



Someone to support you m.e.n.t.a.l.l.y. and emotionally...


Someone whom will care my my whereabouts ...


AND

last but not least.....


someone whom loves me the way I am...











Even though i m caught doin this in public --------------------->

What goes around comes around comes around.

*smirks*

This post is specially for you. Happy Belated Valentines Day. =)

when you said nothing at all... =)

Medical School

M.e.d.i.c.a.l. S.c.h.o.o.l.~

Sounds awesome?Or it brings a chill in ur spines? or both?

My lifelong dream. Med. Doc. Mercy. Period. you get it. (i hope =P)

Well, it wasn't till form 5 i decided to enter med school and put all my efforts to ensure my dreams come true.

 Everything.

I basicly put in everything. Okay,maybe that was of an exegeration. pfft~

get in matrix, do what i needa do...and here i am~

Who the heck said med school was easy? well, nobody. du~

Since 1st day of med school, never stoped for once, because if i do, will be left behind and wel, the feeling is hurm, not pleasant i guess.

first test is over,results are out.

thankful~ god really helped me this time i bet.

So its time for...........................


CELEBRATION? NOT! 


No such thing. wel, life moves on. entered central nervous system. one of the hardest chapter. with bundles of lecture notes screaming to be touched, with Patestas neuroanatomy or Snell's, with the internet(suckish line niways,just random ==') its still hard~

The main point today, I lost my motivation, Gotta get it back. Why would i wanna be a doctor? is it still because of i wanna save peoples' lives? or has it became about money and realistic reasons?

People grow. People change. but one thing i am sure, its not the same. (wth, it rhymes ,i can go for riddles writing instead==' )

When i see ambulance pass me by, how i wish i could help. maybe this is why. i wanna be a doctor.

A good one.

 I do not hope to open a clinic. I would want to be a doctor without borders. I would want to help those whom really need me. I would wanna be there for them. I guess they are my motivation. I did not choose to enter med sch for money. or for fame. I enter medical school to be a doctor. 5 years would be worth it.

 Sacrifice is needed but i would do whatever it takes. I hope i can grad as a M.D holder then. nobody said it was easy.  but one thing i know, I would never give up. I would not want to watch people in pain but i cant do anything. i felt so meaningless.

 I truly hope god will bless my journey in being a doctor.

Just me,
Fion Liew.

move

Its been a while...many written but un-posted stories...finally i decided to post one thing that did shake my head.

a little.

Today,was thanks giving party at Ivan's...

(mind you, Ivan Chong whom house a stone;s throw away==' )

AND we blast it off...super fun...had multiple piano jam sessions...piano and more piano and Ivan has really beautiful fingers...same goes to Titus...hearing players! super awesome.! single n available girls,watch out..betcha fall fr them.......xD alrite...kidddin...

ANd the main point is today i realise a lot of stuff...new stuff...and i came to knew that different people got different point of view...and i met many people before...many views...many thoughts...and how i realise when i m in different environment, i wil get diff kind of influence...and some are un-undoable...like who i am. when u enter different stages of life,u wil have diff things to think about...diff point of view...things doesnt always go the way u wanted it to. ...at one point of ur life...u realise what you are in isnt what u planned. or what you're in isnt what you wanted initially or what you feel though it stings,u gotta pick it up n move on. =)

Dusty

its been a decade isnt it.

i was supposed to write on usmkk but life is hectic...cudnt squeze in time but i wil! soon after i settle down...

today,that wasnt the point. I was going to nag on some unimportant vein crap-prep-talk like the one u used to hear at highschool. yes. you.are.gonna.hear.it.here.

i had no one to express my thoughts here. i feel so alone. so lonely. i don't know who knew me already. what it felt like...feeling alone in a crowded hall?

Watching time pass me by,fades away in the silent night...it never seemed the same. it was so hurtful,it numbed me. i dont care who you are, bring me to a bar, i need my alcohol shots. caffein seemed to add the pain. Its so amazing how few innocent words stab me at the core. And yes,reality check. I never knew reality was so...reality.

Wake up Fion, have you forgotten your past which drag you down few years ago? how you built a wall around you?Have you forgotten the wall you tear down for him? how you refuse to let yourself love him more everyday?

This isnt a fairytale. I m not a princess. . wake up.this is too good to be true. i am just another ordinary girl in a small town. what can i expect?

i let down my guard. i open up my world for you. i make some space to fit you in. I am not another clueless teen whom says i love you every 5 seconds and i do belive they mean it. for a while. You may think i am a 15 year old,whom can't accept rejections and life philosophy. think again. i let you in my world. i know what to expect but never knew,hearing it from you,hurts me even deeper. will you ever give up on me?what u meant when you say u may give up if situation force you. sure. give up whenevr u want,just give me a month notice . sure,i am a robot. pull out the plug. settle case. you don't want me to stuck in my romance world, have you ever see my love more than romance?have you felt how much i care?have you seen how far i would go? have you seen how much i can give up for you while maintaining my rationality but not because of romance and a fairytale story?

maybe i have so much weakness.i am not perfect. i wasnt a clingy person. i just do so to have the sense of belonging. but since this is the way you take it, i can deal it. just that,i don't know where to hold on anymore. can i hold on you whom may giv up on me?what if u giv up not now,but when we have our family?will you tell me that you cant take in anymore 10 yrs frm now?will you stel me to stop living in my fairytale?congrats. you have succeed in making me realise i m not a princess. i m not living in a fairytale.