Aujourd'hui

Chere ,
Aujourd'hui, je ne heureux pas. Parce qui? Je ne comprend pas. Est ce-ma faute? peut-etre, oui. Peut-etre ma l'atitude est tres mauvaise. Je suis desolee mon ami =( Chocolat gateux et the avec moi? Rendez-vous demain pour compenser a tu? sais pas,je pas faire du mal. Je t'aime mon ami beaucoup.

ps~ Pain du fromage demain matta avec cafe au lait pour nous! =D


Grosse bisse,
Votre chere ami =P

Striving through the minute stinging part of life

Its so small to be compared with other people's pain and what they went through.

Mine is, nothing. In fact i should be grateful isn't it,but definitely it gave me all sorts of new impression on how patient think, what they want.  If it wasn't because of this, i might take for granted how they feel,i couldn't truly understand their point of view. 

At the clinic today, i saw many people and now only i hope its not too late to realise that when i look at them, i truly wonder what are they going through.

 I truly did and I truly want to know.

 I finally understand. 

Pray that it will all goes well. 

To be a doctor

What in the world was i thinking when i decided to take the big leap into medical school, the course most famous for being intensely tough and to test how much courage you have in your gut. 

To score is a thing, to master is another, to practice and be safe with empathy and real concern, its the real deal. Its me against the world. I used to weep to my sleep for every cancer or dying patients I've seen in the wards. 

I used to weep when my friend battled cancer.

 I can never imagine how they went through that and i honestly am very proud of their strength and manage to plaster smile in their fragile face.

 Even I felt i tried my best to put my crooked lips forcing them shut from bursting into tears, i cant. The best i can do is run out from the ward and cry at a corner where no one can see. 

I cant let them see me this way, where will the confidence be then? 

Will they still trust me when all they can see on my porcelain white alabaster face is sympathy and pain? 

Will it be better if i just shut it all out? 

Today, I finally came to my mind.

 Will doctors ever felt the pain that the patient went through if they don't go through it themselves? 

I used to tell them,

 'Dont be afraid, whenever you felt something is wrong, just go to your doctor and he will help you. Don't mind being judged as over reacting, its your health, your life. Only you have the rights to put it on track. They can judge all they want, but if i am your doctor, i will be very glad you came to me, and i will definitely give you my word, your secrets are safe with me. ' 

Easier to be said and done never been so true. 

When it came to our self, we tend to hesitate. 

I am scared. Scared of all the possibilities coming ahead. I am actually scared they will judge. I am scared i will disappoint them. I am scared, what i am afraid of might actualy come true. 

Distractions for the whole day doesn't seem to fill this pain.

 Finaly i get to know how they think, what they actually feel. This, I wont forget. I hope I am just over paranoid. 

The weakest part of my life and i don't know where to go, what to do. 

Is this test is just to mold me into a better doctor? If it is, I hope I survive through this. 

Rambling

Hey peeps ...oh well,I don't think there are any left here. Time comes and it goes, tip tap tip tap I m in 3rd year :) I was really thankful that I've made it through . What's more coming of me? I am well,staring at the blank wall,trying to think the day tru. I am a lucky little girl they said and I believe myself,that I m ,and it was indeed me. And sometimes not me.still afraid of being hurt,trying to find my purpose in life. To get there. When all you re used to is being with yourself ,other things feels like it's a new exposure all over again. Anyway, in the end,it's the intrinsic motivation that will drive you foward

Sincerely ,
Me

A route diverging two

What kind of tingling sensation deep down inside?the butterflies in tummy?the clammy hands?palpitations?

That I should've bought you flowers,
And held your hand
Should've give you all my hours when I had a chance
Take to you to every party,cause I remembr all you wanna do was to dance..

Turn back time

It's been a while...

I used to think how we used to be...

When I past by places we've been together...

It reminds me of what our friendship have evolved ...

How we became best friends...

How you 're there to help me tru and how we get things done together

How we count on each other and not caring how or what people say

I can see through you no more...are you really still the same?

Or have you changed?

Did you use me in the past?

At least I felt so...

I know I shouldn't be selfish...

I've gt all I need...

But I need you as a friend..

Only you will know how to watch me save myself...

Hence I am lost

When no other soul can understands me the way you do

Without you

my friend ...

Take care

Those Sakura droplets...

It was a cold shabby path. People walk and never look back. Swiftly passes through the muddy ground. Leaving footsteps on the melted snow. Passer by weren't aware of what is revolving through... I stop and stare as the flowers bloom through the ancient tree .pink and it somewhat bring the sense of satisfaction and petty hope for us all. I walk through it again. The flowers were all Flowing in the wind ..settling down on the green long grasses,lying down fresh and all velvety on my feet. . I passed through. The next time, the Sakura were all soggy and wet... The trees began to bald itself and the flowers begin to disappear ...my petty little flowers. My heart sunk with them. Its winter again for me..it made me ponder ... All has been passing through us as we were so hectic n busy and has no time to keep in touch with ourselves...
Have I been someone else all these while? When can I actually be who I wanna be? Those smiles aren't they real ? Or they truly are but aren't belonging to me? I sensed guilt. Regret beyond compare...what can I do to find myself back? Who am I to do such request? Who am I?

Seeking within ~

What we see today,
Through the lacey truth,
Its time for us to question,
but who are we now,
to deserve an answer. 

The grins life display,
Merely as a dubious path,
For us to seek within the crimson dawn,
Between the breaches unsewn.

Cleanse the dusty soul,
embrace the inner within,
escape the sightless route,
start seeking with your heart.  

A mini post for a mini day out

I toss my shopping bags into the boot to release my now reddish hand and flushed face from the scorching heat *sounds like a garage full of Padinis' and Louboutins-look-alikes but nope! more towards Oreo's, a pack of fettuccine, a carton of milk,some dried mangoes, a bottle of orange juice and some chocolate bar..etc etc...grocery items..blah blah and YES i am expecting some guest! wee...An old time friend coming over for some girls day-in! cooking and baking n stuff...it sounds like i m catching up on childhood! Never too late isnt it *grins * Open the car door enter,fling my handbag over the seats to the back,adjust the seat,pull off my pair of garage heels and toss over to the back n strap on my seatbelt. Love to drive barefoot recently...give me more sense of control *bla bla bla skip all the miss-no-sense-of direction- thing and thanks to daddy built-in-my-head-gps , i reach home safe and sound.

Attente

Attentes. 

Leurs attentes. Votre attente. Mon attente.

puis-je remplir?

Je suis desole. Tres desolee. Je ne voudrais faire pas vous inquiet... je suis tres inquiet aussi.

~

Its time to grow up. 

Aged a year. Mentality should be as well. Have i grew? 

it was very unthoughtful to make people worry or angry isn't it at this age? 

sometimes i wonder will anyone ever understand me. 

I am not perfect myself. I am sorry I cant be perfect. 

I tend to over react when people step over my limit. 

There are times I have this inner battle on settling whats wrong or whats right. 

In the end, I silent up and keep it to myself and overnight the result tend to be better than if i voice out what ever it is in my mind. 

I am trying. I am trying to be whoever you need. 

Temper check. Tick. Voice check. Tick. Facial expression check. Tick. 

Maybe sometimes i just doesnt want the expectation .

 The pressure building. I just hope you would understand.Its not i did not think of it.

 I only want to tell you when the time is right.