Aujourd'hui

Chere ,
Aujourd'hui, je ne heureux pas. Parce qui? Je ne comprend pas. Est ce-ma faute? peut-etre, oui. Peut-etre ma l'atitude est tres mauvaise. Je suis desolee mon ami =( Chocolat gateux et the avec moi? Rendez-vous demain pour compenser a tu? sais pas,je pas faire du mal. Je t'aime mon ami beaucoup.

ps~ Pain du fromage demain matta avec cafe au lait pour nous! =D


Grosse bisse,
Votre chere ami =P

Striving through the minute stinging part of life

Its so small to be compared with other people's pain and what they went through.

Mine is, nothing. In fact i should be grateful isn't it,but definitely it gave me all sorts of new impression on how patient think, what they want.  If it wasn't because of this, i might take for granted how they feel,i couldn't truly understand their point of view. 

At the clinic today, i saw many people and now only i hope its not too late to realise that when i look at them, i truly wonder what are they going through.

 I truly did and I truly want to know.

 I finally understand. 

Pray that it will all goes well. 

To be a doctor

What in the world was i thinking when i decided to take the big leap into medical school, the course most famous for being intensely tough and to test how much courage you have in your gut. 

To score is a thing, to master is another, to practice and be safe with empathy and real concern, its the real deal. Its me against the world. I used to weep to my sleep for every cancer or dying patients I've seen in the wards. 

I used to weep when my friend battled cancer.

 I can never imagine how they went through that and i honestly am very proud of their strength and manage to plaster smile in their fragile face.

 Even I felt i tried my best to put my crooked lips forcing them shut from bursting into tears, i cant. The best i can do is run out from the ward and cry at a corner where no one can see. 

I cant let them see me this way, where will the confidence be then? 

Will they still trust me when all they can see on my porcelain white alabaster face is sympathy and pain? 

Will it be better if i just shut it all out? 

Today, I finally came to my mind.

 Will doctors ever felt the pain that the patient went through if they don't go through it themselves? 

I used to tell them,

 'Dont be afraid, whenever you felt something is wrong, just go to your doctor and he will help you. Don't mind being judged as over reacting, its your health, your life. Only you have the rights to put it on track. They can judge all they want, but if i am your doctor, i will be very glad you came to me, and i will definitely give you my word, your secrets are safe with me. ' 

Easier to be said and done never been so true. 

When it came to our self, we tend to hesitate. 

I am scared. Scared of all the possibilities coming ahead. I am actually scared they will judge. I am scared i will disappoint them. I am scared, what i am afraid of might actualy come true. 

Distractions for the whole day doesn't seem to fill this pain.

 Finaly i get to know how they think, what they actually feel. This, I wont forget. I hope I am just over paranoid. 

The weakest part of my life and i don't know where to go, what to do. 

Is this test is just to mold me into a better doctor? If it is, I hope I survive through this.