='(

A diverging road of two.

I chose the path less taken.

time comes, i felt emptiness...

why am I seemed to be the one left out?

i felt like i was travelling on a bullet train somewhere in northen paris alone with my bagpack n hopping off a cliff without knowing what lies beneath.

is this the price for

being who I am?

i don't feel you here...what went wrong?

intense training is ovr...time fr me to put my self of bits n pieces...together.,..re set my target...put my face bury in my Guyton or Moore underneath the dim study lamp... i m all messed up...

theres nothing anyone can do about it...

all i ask for is a simple hug...to bring me away from reality check,

for i can feel your presence n support...

to put in me some real feelings...

i don't want to be hardcore inside...='(

i just hope the memory i carved in everyone's memory would be a smile =)

Someone whom...

A bag of M & Ms...

open up expecting upflowing rainbow chocolate candy on your
k-e-y-b-o-a-r-d...
or
forming trails towards a secret garden u've never known...

would you expect a valley of birds solely,
or
a field of knee-high greeneries...

that you're willing to spend eternity staring to the sky with your
soul mate?

*the point the point *

You won't know what lies ahead...

whats been planned but should you know who you are and where you're heading.

it suffices.

Right now, i'm on a break from medical school...a week break from the hectic lifestyle i've been through...
never had time for myself...to be myself...
really thankful about god, my supportive family,friends and professors.

Medical school was never easy and it aint goin any easier. one thing i have not mentioned here before, a guy which always there for me.

Made things worthwhile.

(Family comes first as always,but he is new,aftr my family queue =) )

He came to my house for a slumber party a couple days ago. spent the whole first night watching Hippocratic oath drama or sumthng...til around 2 plus, n the next day, a whole new day for us to celebrate the postponed valentines day =)

p/s~ was exam couple of days back,darn busy...
reading bout cranial nerves
[ok thats a lie,i gave up on CN long time ago...==' ]

and what#soever haematology stuff...@@

He's cooking...hey,i helped out too kays!!!
(to eat of course...#like a boss#)

Self cook-ALL IN ONE- spaghetti. =='

Sauce..ingredient~frozen foodstuff ##

TADAA~~~
see, i carve ur name kay...so nice xD

The next day,went out wif matrix crazy gang...
all no life,full time 9gaggers ...every 5 minutes~

#likeaboss# #problem?xD# #f*ck yea...# #mthr of god...-.- #
HAHAHA had karaoke for what seemed like the whole day...

On the way back,took LRT... the transit to KTM back ...
feel really safe with him there..

theres a whole crowd of people...i used to feel lonely in a hectic pavement,
but with him,i am not alone. for once.

He hugged me tightly while clinging on the pole,

helding my arms on a side,and my bag on the other.

It was really packed with people and has this insecure feeling as how you face everytime in a packed train .

but this time,its different.

It felt like even he is always there for me, always there to protect me.

I weep that day,being an ordinary girl for some personal reasons of me being hurt deeply ,i don't know when will i recover but i know theres a shoulder to catch my tears.

I felt tranquility for once in ktm.

I cn nap without worrying i would missed the station,knowing he will be there to watch after me.

When we r back home,there is someone to brush teeth with me,compete on who brush the cleanest...the fastest...the most santa claus-ish beard...

Theres someone to flip my baby album together with me...tease me on how i used to be so round n chubby...(as how i am now xD )

Theres some one to chat with me whole noon till i fall asleep on his chest listening to his heartbeats...

(skip the mechanical properties of cardiac cycle guys...=))

He always there to tuck me to bed before i sleep and give a goodnight kiss,ensuring everything will be alright..

i sleep knowing he will be thr when i wake up...

When he wakes me up in the morning,

i can roll n nap a couple of times on the bed,waking up,still seeing his face upon me...

(still trying to wake me up ..haha )


Someone to help you prepare the meals...



Someone to help you with the dishes....



Someone to accompany you do facial at -h-e-r-b-a-l-i-n-e-... i know its sounded like #wattheheck!@ # but thats true...=)

someone to walk with you to the nearest supermarket n get lost on the way together...n then shop like crazy for foodstuff n titbits...



Someone to support you m.e.n.t.a.l.l.y. and emotionally...


Someone whom will care my my whereabouts ...


AND

last but not least.....


someone whom loves me the way I am...











Even though i m caught doin this in public --------------------->

What goes around comes around comes around.

*smirks*

This post is specially for you. Happy Belated Valentines Day. =)

when you said nothing at all... =)

Medical School

M.e.d.i.c.a.l. S.c.h.o.o.l.~

Sounds awesome?Or it brings a chill in ur spines? or both?

My lifelong dream. Med. Doc. Mercy. Period. you get it. (i hope =P)

Well, it wasn't till form 5 i decided to enter med school and put all my efforts to ensure my dreams come true.

 Everything.

I basicly put in everything. Okay,maybe that was of an exegeration. pfft~

get in matrix, do what i needa do...and here i am~

Who the heck said med school was easy? well, nobody. du~

Since 1st day of med school, never stoped for once, because if i do, will be left behind and wel, the feeling is hurm, not pleasant i guess.

first test is over,results are out.

thankful~ god really helped me this time i bet.

So its time for...........................


CELEBRATION? NOT! 


No such thing. wel, life moves on. entered central nervous system. one of the hardest chapter. with bundles of lecture notes screaming to be touched, with Patestas neuroanatomy or Snell's, with the internet(suckish line niways,just random ==') its still hard~

The main point today, I lost my motivation, Gotta get it back. Why would i wanna be a doctor? is it still because of i wanna save peoples' lives? or has it became about money and realistic reasons?

People grow. People change. but one thing i am sure, its not the same. (wth, it rhymes ,i can go for riddles writing instead==' )

When i see ambulance pass me by, how i wish i could help. maybe this is why. i wanna be a doctor.

A good one.

 I do not hope to open a clinic. I would want to be a doctor without borders. I would want to help those whom really need me. I would wanna be there for them. I guess they are my motivation. I did not choose to enter med sch for money. or for fame. I enter medical school to be a doctor. 5 years would be worth it.

 Sacrifice is needed but i would do whatever it takes. I hope i can grad as a M.D holder then. nobody said it was easy.  but one thing i know, I would never give up. I would not want to watch people in pain but i cant do anything. i felt so meaningless.

 I truly hope god will bless my journey in being a doctor.

Just me,
Fion Liew.

move

Its been a while...many written but un-posted stories...finally i decided to post one thing that did shake my head.

a little.

Today,was thanks giving party at Ivan's...

(mind you, Ivan Chong whom house a stone;s throw away==' )

AND we blast it off...super fun...had multiple piano jam sessions...piano and more piano and Ivan has really beautiful fingers...same goes to Titus...hearing players! super awesome.! single n available girls,watch out..betcha fall fr them.......xD alrite...kidddin...

ANd the main point is today i realise a lot of stuff...new stuff...and i came to knew that different people got different point of view...and i met many people before...many views...many thoughts...and how i realise when i m in different environment, i wil get diff kind of influence...and some are un-undoable...like who i am. when u enter different stages of life,u wil have diff things to think about...diff point of view...things doesnt always go the way u wanted it to. ...at one point of ur life...u realise what you are in isnt what u planned. or what you're in isnt what you wanted initially or what you feel though it stings,u gotta pick it up n move on. =)

Dusty

its been a decade isnt it.

i was supposed to write on usmkk but life is hectic...cudnt squeze in time but i wil! soon after i settle down...

today,that wasnt the point. I was going to nag on some unimportant vein crap-prep-talk like the one u used to hear at highschool. yes. you.are.gonna.hear.it.here.

i had no one to express my thoughts here. i feel so alone. so lonely. i don't know who knew me already. what it felt like...feeling alone in a crowded hall?

Watching time pass me by,fades away in the silent night...it never seemed the same. it was so hurtful,it numbed me. i dont care who you are, bring me to a bar, i need my alcohol shots. caffein seemed to add the pain. Its so amazing how few innocent words stab me at the core. And yes,reality check. I never knew reality was so...reality.

Wake up Fion, have you forgotten your past which drag you down few years ago? how you built a wall around you?Have you forgotten the wall you tear down for him? how you refuse to let yourself love him more everyday?

This isnt a fairytale. I m not a princess. . wake up.this is too good to be true. i am just another ordinary girl in a small town. what can i expect?

i let down my guard. i open up my world for you. i make some space to fit you in. I am not another clueless teen whom says i love you every 5 seconds and i do belive they mean it. for a while. You may think i am a 15 year old,whom can't accept rejections and life philosophy. think again. i let you in my world. i know what to expect but never knew,hearing it from you,hurts me even deeper. will you ever give up on me?what u meant when you say u may give up if situation force you. sure. give up whenevr u want,just give me a month notice . sure,i am a robot. pull out the plug. settle case. you don't want me to stuck in my romance world, have you ever see my love more than romance?have you felt how much i care?have you seen how far i would go? have you seen how much i can give up for you while maintaining my rationality but not because of romance and a fairytale story?

maybe i have so much weakness.i am not perfect. i wasnt a clingy person. i just do so to have the sense of belonging. but since this is the way you take it, i can deal it. just that,i don't know where to hold on anymore. can i hold on you whom may giv up on me?what if u giv up not now,but when we have our family?will you tell me that you cant take in anymore 10 yrs frm now?will you stel me to stop living in my fairytale?congrats. you have succeed in making me realise i m not a princess. i m not living in a fairytale.

Random

Hi~

Its been what...days?weeks? MOnths? Years? Decades? Era??...

* Owh,shut up fion, ur just bein paranoid =='

Since i last update my bloggie...rusted with Fe ions and

* look in the blog...Coughs*

I might even sell dustbunnies right now...whos in?

Ahem,clears throat...

its not to say I disown my blog or what,but well, the time,the packings, the sleep i need..

.make my blog felt like an abandoned child...poor thing... =(

btw, did i mention I went out for a fantabulous outing in genting wif my matrics buddy...confused...let me show you the morons i m talking about... well,then we had a day in Sunway fr a skating spree... This is what i call


HOLIDAY

* i did get a bruise...FINE Many bruises...=='

just no talent in physically-balance involving game or stuff...just nt me...

(say ni la duno how to skate...alasan bertimbun for what...==')

sad that june nida leave early cz shes rushing to prepre fr her europe tour...i m gonna mis u girl girl....=S the next day,took ktm (sardine,really...zzz )

i feel pity fr pei ee...nida squeeze in wif me n mei..

.fr me,used to it d...squueze jiu squeeze...dun care...LOL then in LRT, well i love it!!!

if ktm u call it sardine, lrt can be said...a can of oysters...or mushrooms ..

(hold on,mushrooms?WHO uses mushroom as comparisons?! ==')

niways,back to topic...we spent a nite in Fahreinheit 88...superb...mid of town...starbucks by the corner...



Okay peeps! genting, never -in-my-down to earth-ordinary-life did i thought i wud take a corkscrew? or a solero shot!~ wth>? i told myself hard, not to take that alien machine which mite spin me off sumwhr else...but i did~ TEE HEE~~ okay,if i can do this, Malaysia should snow! but it didnt..oh well...no one could blame global warming... ^^ taking the breathtaking rides was well, sorta taking my breathes...it gives you a frefal feeling...yes dude,like the one u learnt in phyics bout the shooting elevator n hopefully wont apply...==' let me give you a short summary... i hope...=='


Me, She mei n Zhi yung, had the same shuttle to genting and reach there checked in n jump on the bed a couple of times to test its springyness? (wth?) n when the rest arrived, washied and dressed...went for dinner at marry browns...(AND YES WE ARE A BUNCH OF SMALL KIDS ) so we went to the haunted house...okay la i wud rate it...the fear befr entering was more...==' n then snow house time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*this calls for -C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-I-O-N- time COME ON! ITS SNOW BALL TIME! who's in? MEEEEEEEEEEE ...


at night,what else? showered and go for Starbucks...had hot chocolate...kononnya worry kenot sleep...==' superb ...chatted whole nite n back to the room...guess what we did on the bed...(*smirks) played card games...==' till 3 am...

Well, being an early riser ,i woke up at 6 am to do some exercise around the park...(shut up la fion, dun talk nonsense.) ALRITE I woke up at 8 plus?9 plus?around there n straight went down for a meal... then START OUR CRAZY journey..played almost everything there...mad not mad...dun care...very niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Stop n stare, i think i m movin but i don;t know whr...

Hi.

Fion here.

Yeah,old me, the one few years back.
(wait, i m talking as if i m having a split persona...choi~@@)

not the one happy go lucky, super optimistic girl whom go around dont care wthr its snowing or drought in my face...who cares?

(ok,i admit,but if its a huge pimple or acne or peeled skin,sorry,rain or no rain, i m gonna get it done thr n then, no buts=S)

its the one whom think around alone.

here.

I missed the time alone in a room crowded of people.


I missed my past. The past me. I stop n stare today. I missed my moments.

Suddenly there urge a sense of belonging i really wished i had.
I felt like no where to be found..like i dont belong .

Again,nothing is perfect. Not to say u wil get everything that u want,as ur please...it depends. There are times i just dont know what i want.

I dont know to further push myself or just sit and wait.

Humans are so complex.

I know everyone is different. Suddenly i just felt the need of someone who understands. I missed you Jia Ni...whr are you? cant contact you...u chged ur no.?or fb? text me kies if u evr see this...I reli miss you...=)

I nid a person whom really knows whats goin on.who help me out when i m lost.......

Why suddenly i felt detached?why? never knew...but i knew many had changed my life fr the better...barely knew my past..i wonder whr did the old me go?

i realised it today, when i played the keys on school's silk yamaha piano which replaced the memorable weinbach. i think of who i used to be.............

I hope to get solitude...get a break frm this reality a whl...just me n myself...go see sunrise...go see moonlight...knock myself up or go walk around in town alone perhaps...go hv a closer touch with tranquility...wif myself...

take a step bak n think...think well...

I felt i dont know you well.

Am i a barrier that stop you from being who you wanna be?i felt there are lots of you fr me to discover if ur willing to open up. or am i just thinking the unnecesary? I hope i have a place in your life like how u did in mine...am i in ur heart? i hope i do play some role in ur life,...i just hope...if time is what it takes,be it...





A song i wana dedicate to whoever reading this...Circles by Tino Coury

Just me,

Fion Liew

Beyond selfishness. Are you game?=P

Today,

gonna start off with a motto of mine, -to let others-.

No,there is nothing wrong wif it. Yes,-to let others-.

Okay,if ur gonna start wif how terible is my english, save it. muet's over .

Something I learn these few weeks,

life is like this,you want it or not.

Many, in fact, most people are selfish.

Selfish cn be defined in many aspects. selfish for properties, selfish for own glory, selfish for fame n etc.

These are those aspects which i believe many people have n not very descent indeed.

Well, these types...

selfish for self survival,selfish to be loved, these are the ones that many tend to be

Unavoidable.even I have it kays.
(human nature...unless ur a pencil case...different story..*shake it off*)

but

Selfish for loved ones

this the one selfishness i can actually hear and accept because i've seen those whom are slfish purely of the safety n livelihood of their family and spouse.

These, i truly salute. They willing to sacrifice their own time n energy etc etc...of themselves n others, just fr their family.

Not many hv this type of selfishness.


(Come on, if you said nope, non of these describes me even slightly, suck it up, ask urself again)

Okay, but generally,excluding the final statements, I would have a life motto.

(i sound like n exageration isnt it)

In anyway, in anytime, to let others. This, wil make me live my life as i want it to be.

I m not divine, i m just another ordinary girl.

Trying to make people I care happy. People around me happy. People I love happy.

I couldnt generally satisfy every one.

so i chosed to prioritise people whom I care and try my best fr everyone i know. Just sumtimes,i cant. Im not that strong. but I do try.


(Sorry, except if you're being a b*tch n royal pain in the neck to everyone, nope.you're not worth it as far as i concern )

I truly dont respect those whom trash others, whom look down on others thinking they are so great, those whom hipocrite n backstabbers. seriously, get a life dude. If you keep up with tis atitude, you r a waste of space.

but i havent met any now...if i do, hope i can make them change?=)

Those i care, i really care. but In the way of letting others, i plan to satisfy everyone,to give the best they can get, even if it means putting me out of the picture, but giving them what they needed or wanted, sometimes, it might not be the best option.


I realised that people I care, cared of me as well.

They would want me in the picture of theirs, not all,

IN the end, there will be a solution planned. I dont have to worry. Its been there all the long . I just dont see it. Its just there. Evrythng will be laid there for us to see.

The truth,the solution,the reason..everthng fixes like an...

-auto made puzzle-

wow..it sound cute. I might open a company with this name. automade puzzle.

Okay,anyway, as we're waiting fr truth unfolds,


i hope no1 reads this post. well,i dun think any1 does,its in its hibernating mode!wif my imaginary cat perhaps?

Anyway, i feel that,its not a matter if we sacrifice our own benefits lets say, for others opinions and wants.

For me, I dont mind because when i fullfill others wants, i will be satisfied and happy.

No matter what it put me tru. when people I cared about are happy, I will be.
It just feel worth it. I never want to make others hard. I try my very best to avoid givin trouble to people or chines call it 'mafan'. others. Never. I will feel bad.

So even if i need to put in effort, i dun mind as long as others will not be troubled. You must sorta predict feelings of others,their opinions.

Not everyone will just wear their moods on their sleeves. not everyone will shout out if they are pissed. not everyine will weep in fron of you if they r sad.

Last time i used to think its not necessary,but now i feel how important is

childhood home education on courtesy and self principals.

It wil reflect hu ur gonna be in the future. I m not perfect. nobody is. I have own flaws n weakness. but i m yet to discover. i did mistakes in my past. I will learn from it.

With help of people around me, I hope I can be a better person in the future. I hope I can make a change in this world. Anyone is with me? Are you game? xD


Just me,

Fion Liew

...~

I didn't know. I thought we both are the same. I'd never thought that i need you much. Maybe its because i m afraid that i will lose you. Talking bout it, you have not lost anyone you cared so much before isnt it? well, I did. I knew the pain. but before that, I didnt. In the past all I want is for the person i cared to be independent, to be able to live without me. I knew my friend needed me a lot, need me so much. but i didnt knew one fact, i need that friend that much as well. Looking at you, remind me of the past, of who i was, but i'd never want to let you feel the pain, i'd never wnted you to hurt like i did in the past with a friend i cared about(past few years ago).

you cn call me clingy. i didnt realise me being like this is called clingy. i didnt realise it troubles you. i didnt realise it became a problem. if tis is turned anthr way, i cn say i as long as i m with you, other things i can neglect, i mean minor intrudments, something i cn say, not worthy to cause a fight.i dont need those. i changed al i can. people say me, i didnt care before. Are we this weak that minor thngs could actually wreck us?no . i knew that i'd never complain if you'd play til late, even i needed to wait til its late for dinner, because i knew, no matter how late, when i get to see you having diner wif me, it will be all worth it.

hence, it wasnt ur fault. its just sum mindset of mine. I want you to be happy n not changing to please me as u wun be hapi then. if u were to chg, i said bfr,at ur own will, when i became important enough for you. saying this hurts me as well. i knew you cared. if not, why would you mind my thought?dont worry, i know u sumhow cared now compared to the past. it put me in a dilemma. I dont know what i should feel. i want you to be happy but at the same tym it sumhow hurt me. so?What i should think of this? Should I think that you dont knwo how to express ur feelings?or should i take it as you didnt care in the past? or should i think that you have ur own way of loving me? or you just dont care. if you do care, wil u stil love me in the future?while i m waiting,All this became a question that me myself dont have the answrs. maybe i hadnt done enough. maybe i m selfish . maybe i demanded too much. i shouldnt. i shouldent expect too much nor demand. i m nothing to do allthose. who am i to expect, hope n want? i m too depending. so be it, then i wont. i will try my best to change if it makes you happy.

i love you for you are no matter what happens. i will accept you as you. i will try to give you all freedom you want if this is what you need, i will give your own time, if i've been bothering you n ur drama. i just worried that i m neglecting you but it seemed i think too much thats why. makes me want to laugh thinking bout it. i thought we will soon cant be spending much time together in degree so try n effort out sum thngs...i was wrong . you still needed your own time, your own life like before you have me. its ur rights. n my mindset it sumthng wrong, so it was never ur fault. its mine. okay, have it your way. start with?say it, i will do it if its for the better.

lalala

Okay, whats up people?

my result day! Despite that, i stil sleep late...usual insomniatic habit

Okay, you see, people gotta earn what they get. They've worked for it, they most likely get it with gods willing.

You couldnt just expect sum blondie to turn up at ur doorstep to give you caramel pies dont you? or do you?

okay, that need not matter because no mttr whats my result (fion, suck it up ok..) sure~ I m goin fr a shopping spree where you shop til u drop...

(okay, now did i actually think money grows on trees?) so save shopping spree fr the worthys n i shall go sailing for my window shoppin n make my lil old brown cat proud of me... !

Okay, I dont have a cat.

Its not easy you know, gotta give in more endurance, to sustain every bit of urself to sanity? okay, m i halucinatng again? zz

nvm, talking bout shoes...I would love smthn strappy to the ankles but out of size?when i finallyliked one of these...oh c'ommon, its not like i easily chg my mind...niways, i changed my mind n i m gonna go to bed now...happy? =)

ps~ignore tis