Self defined happiness

As they say, happiness is self defined. At this state,  I am not sure wether am i happy or I am just being ignorant enough to look past what i truly need. Realised what I have truly become, not too bad of a shape deep down or how am I being perceived,  however still does not define who I am, dragged by reality, split by others. When can I actually define my own happiness? When the time comes only I can confidently tell myself how far have I walked. As for now, pieces of my everywhere, flown by the upcoming wind, not bothering on how to gather myself back up because I was so exhausted by everything. Exhausted by the exams, and the courage to pull myself together. I must admit that even with the tough course in dealing with humans' lives, I am more than willing. The more I study, the more I realise I dont know, and hence making me want to know more. Probably, the more I know, the more I felt I was responsible for others. It breaks my heart to know an important undiagnosed symptom of a patient by his dr but the glowing face he gave when someone cared, was priceless. Those nights filled with tears after every encounter with those strong, filled with courage cancer patients made me realise I was way too weak. They in return taught me courage. I could never repay all of you, but I promise to be a good doctor. There is no 'I will try', but I will make sure I will be one.  I am truly concerned. I really am. I want to change lives. not only their health, but soul as well. I am not that wise but I am learning. I want to bring change to humanity and to carve smiles or to at least lend my shoulder to crutch the broken soul. I was lost me myself, and now still occasionally do. I am learning more than every from my family, friends and definitely my evermore willing patients. Each restless night from the hospital from clerking will give an extra mile towards achievng my dreams. I no longer want to be affected by others, I want to grow and nurture self aim and self motivation deep inside. I want to be doing something because I really want to. I no longer want anyone else to define who I am. Long way to go, but I am up for it. My life, my choices.This, made me happy.