broken

Finally it happened.....if i did not decide to come to st.john area sports day....i wud be ta fool....being lied frm you.....u lied to me...u lied..i hope u dun come to see my blog here....it will look as if i m ta one at fault..i dun wan to say much...my heart is broken...at tat very moment....i reli regret ..i hate myself...i regret fr lying to myself tat u loved me..tat u used to love me......i was wrong...now it seemed to me.. i was ta one loving you alone..caring of you....u dun bother at all.....sori every1 fr lying urself n myself...sori fr those questions tat pierced my heart left unanswered...j'espere vous etes content....maybe 1 day u will realise...but...thn it doesnt matter to me anymore.....

broken

my FRIEND....take care...i love you

The fondness is no longer there...shall i retrieve?I cant take it anymore....i hate you fr hu u r...for this.. i blame myself...all tis while....wen v r 2gether...v reli did make ta best out of ourselves..as tym bring us together....closer den othr 900 students in the school...thr is no secrets between us...nothing....v cn read eachs mind n do ta same mathematic equation mistake....omg...whr can v find smthng like tat...even exam we've been judging which karangan wud each of us do...talkng bout it...i cn say v r perfect together...dunno...since whn....i did not realise...wht i hv been mistakenly misjudge....v began too been drifted apart..well...i cant deny...i m jealous so what...?so what?i m worried bcoz i care...not like others FAKERS who act tht they r so concerned....but ta worst was...i cant believe...u r actually TOGETHER WITH THE FAKERS....well..tis is all my point of view...nt othrs,,,now....left me alone...wif no one to walk with....though wht u hv done..i noe u sacrifice alot...fr me..like no1-fren- ever does...i love u...i reli love you....fr tis i care..i reli care...i cant help u frm being wif sum1 else...-stupid jerk-den...i cant say anything...deep inside....i m reli hurt...reli hurt...cry fr days.....u din noe...we've been together fr 4 yrs plus.....reaching 5...but out memories....if u giv me 50 years...couldnt been restored....but...u wif him juz fr.....few months?n u trust him tat much...i m reli hurt....i hv aways said....dun trust any1 excep urself n ur family...making me ur exception...i wont bring you down...not like an othr frens tat u hv....i can sacrifise fr you...my time...helping u isnt a problem.....v r one.....i cant imagine living without u....maybe u can....bt ....i cant...without u..live wud be dull....no craziness....no laughter.....no loitering....bt if needed...yes i can live without u...bt....i wud be in pain.....i hate myself fr loving you tis much....v were so close....close till....i can walk with my eyes closed in ur hse..i dun mind u took my stuff fr even a year...i dun mind much...but...being wif u .....is eating me up.....i hate him.....hate till theres no words fr it.....everytym u talked....yes..i admit i cant stop scolding....its reli painfull...i dun like to compete fr a person....i will feel hurt.....very....its okay.....if tis is wat u wan...i will leave u alone....wun interupt anymore....go on ur own life.....i will slowly leave ur life....u mite be happier without me.....go ahead....wif huever u wan to be frens wif...fakers anot...its ur choice...up to you....i dun wan to suffer like tis anymore....i hope...1day in ur life...u will remember me....being ur bestfriend before....take care...love you...reli love you...

~woke up~
~Fion~

PiAnO....^^

This is me playing the piano~RiVeR FlOwS In You~..but..I'm not tat gud in it...gt sum mistakes...n nt reli clear...my bro was watching tv..Jz posting fr fun...sorry fr errors though..^^

KEM INTERGRASI..^^

HI~...now..7.20 am...dun call me an erly riser coz................i SLEPT AT 5.00 PM yesterday....so its like a baby sleeping time...haha 14 hours....well, now in my superb aching limbs n body....argh~but its worth it...hehe...i WENT TO KEM INTERGRASI!!!! ~v packing tat tym~

~the scenery~

~MINT~
in MINT-aka-nuclear research institute...^^ ...i tell u my agendas...which is reli reli fun.....i m sure i will regret it if i dun go...keke.....
ON ta 1st day-well we went to school in ta morning n guess wat??its WAS RAINING...omg....we went thr in ta noon..then gv SOME taklimat and A LOT of kena marah....n tats true...haih...v r humans ma..sure wanna talk wan....-like geese-den...v get our roomates...nono!tentmates...actually....luckily i wasnt left out like many others....i got to be wif LOH LING, KUAN LING ,MEI YEE N HER FREN-SORI..dunno ur name..^^-luckily....coz v r frens......luv u guys....muacks...-if loh ling see tis....she's gonna smack me...well nvm..haha-den v build our tents in ta jungle..n ours its kinda near to

~Our tent~

~the bathroom~very open..=.=

ta 'operation room' n toilet...blah...n v discovered 1 shortcut..to spare us our feet...keke -evil laughs.....ts gud loh ling is superb tall den she can help me ta shortie to tie ta tent..keke..-she cant stand in it though..-^^den v went to bath n den yay---eating time----in my tupperware..haha...at nite...wen our frens go pray..v had TRUE OR DARE...v go n spin aqilah's sunblock....wakaka....so funny n ta stars tat nte was reli magnificient....den v get divided into groups..actually i got group 2-but got sum havoc so v gotta get counted again...i got group 4...but i switched wif shamilli THANX shamilli..den SZE HOONG FRM GROUP 2 oso came to group 3....v din noe each othr practically until i went to ta camp...hehe so my great teammembers r LOH LING, ME, SZE HOONG, BECKY, FARAH, ZULAIKHA, FARD, AIN, IZMA, N LIYANA loh ling bcome ta ketua n i become ta penolong...THEY r superb i tell u...creative n special in their very own way...luv u guys...v din noe each othr bfre tis...-except ta form 5's...see everyday ma...haha..^^-n our group name is...............................VIRUZ..cool huh..our motto is -WhEn ViRuZ AtTaCk YoU WiLL ReGrET-wakaka...den got ice breaking...n i have to draw a bird in a mahjong paper...bt i end up drawing only in ta size of my palm....gudness!!ta fasilitators go n ask hu draw wan...i was like...me...n i laugh myself..haih...lame la..so...ltr...v go sleep..kinda noisy bt v manage to get up aT 5.15 AM..
Next day-after breakfast..den v start our -four things tat i thought i never do in life-except ta kayak thing..-viruz get to do IKTHIAR HIDUP first...they gv us a pail wif water, knives, parang, a plate, cups, stove, fly, matches, n 2 of so called square mini kuali..so i nid to light up fire...great...i cant...v cant..it was juz after rain..but ta cooking was superb..hehe..of cz la..not i cook wan...haha...v reli work hard as team mates...den v go KAYAKING....!!!!!!!!!!!!-SCREAMS-ITS SOOOOOOOOOO FUN!!me n loh ling go togthrn v go so fast n luckily v din knock ta tebing...n be thrown over...haha...den v did water crossing n reli sori to a GIRL...i terkick her leg wen swimming tat tym......gudness..bt i forgot her name..hehe..so we play water...haha..at noon...it time for............-drum rolls.-OBSTACLES ACTIVITES..-LIKE PLKN like tat n here...i reli learnt a lot..of courage, friendship..TEAMWORK...LOH LING is a reli gud ketua...she think of every1 punya safety n giv every1 get sum experience....first of all...v did commander crawl or smthng... n rope grating....all oso dirty od...but very cunted...loh ling had to do 4 tyms..i think by now her pants oso calar like wat od..hehe...every1 of my group manage to do it very well..tat tym i reli scared any 1 will hurt themself..bt luckily every1 is ok..^^so den v had to run across ta jambatan gantung my gudness...ltr...v walk on a hanging plank bt very shaky...i repeat..VERY SHAKY...N den hav to terus climb on a wall..so v made a strategy to go over it..bout 6 feet...hehe....v managed...so ltr..v gotta go tru tis:

~ v seriously did tis...~

~I fell twice in tis station..=.=~

~its unstable...ta plank is so small..haha~

a at nite..v had dinner then MALAM KEBUDAYAN!!v did dikir barat n acting...ltr v ate sum chicken n slept in ta CARPARK!!GUDNESS...wake up od...ta bones....got sound...krik kruk..hahahaha...yay!!v go do abselling!!me n sze hoong went together...haha....luv ya...den v two human up thr scared like dunno wat....kept on talking n talking...while v r coming down...haha p/s i sempat smile...haha..bt so messy...

~Can u imagine going off frm ta top?!!~

~Believe it anot...i did it...~swt u noe..

~Look at Loh Ling's long legs..she superb tall wei..~

~Lil Sze Hoong made it though she oso scared like me....giv me 5!^^~

~All my team mates whom i reli loved..^^~

~V won two hampers fr ta best team n dicipline...v couldn't do it without any of you..^^~

~Our hampers...~

~Farhana n I~

"me : Ni Xiang wo ma?

"Farhana : Bu, wo bu xiang ni~

"me : please.....~puppy eyes~

"Farhana : Ok..wo xiang ni...^^

-Hahahahhahahahahaha-

~Ur smile so sweet la~p/s- running oso can take pic...haha ^^

~Me, Sze Hoong, Loh Ling, Farah..^^~

~Teammates!~

~Mary, Qiqi, Umai, Ting Ting, Me, Ling Ling, Mei Mei~FRENZ FOREVER!

~Ta screen...~

~Go Mickey!~me n Loh Ling watches..^^

~Qi Qi, Me, Umai, Farhana~Buddies frvr!

~Darlings forever..^^~

~Dun be embarassed..muahaha..~Love ya!

~My new friend..Sze Hoong..miss ya!^^~

~Juz after ta abselling...fuh~v made it!~

~Our tent..~wanna kemas...

~ MeiMei n I ..frens frvr!~

~Happy Family~

Tis camp is very nice...miss tis camp, frens n experiences...^^

cny

Hi...i noe its l8 to post fr cny....but its now i had a lil tym,,haha

pain

I questioned myself,shall i wait,shall i forget....the pain is too deep.....cant even think about it....i never cried fr tis..never...indeed....today i did....shud i wait like a fool?for the walls are solid..i m an ordinary human...i cant get tru walls...but walls of courage...i can...it nids time.....nothing but time.....

~....~

~Seek~

Seek

As the shrills greets the mist of wonder,
Time put up the pain,
Shall I ponder?
Beyond illusions the day has become,
Questions were not meant to be asked,
But to seek ourselves.

As memories crept to shade,
Dimming the ray of eden,
The sense of belonging,
Soon disappear.

Seeking the meaning of forgiving,
Is it really there?
Or its a mask that everyone shall wear,
Indeed,
This I seek myself.

Don't ever look back

Don't ever look back

Have you ever felt,
The thoughts of being left,
The pain of missing her,
With others in hand.

Thus i say i shall set her free,
Fly dear,
As high as you can,
Run dear,
Don't ever look back.

let go

1.i lost faith in you,u might say i m selfish or greedy but tht doesnt make it..the longer i go wif u, ta worse i felt...ta pain...screeching heart...ta thought fades...till all i can see is a mirage of memories..nothing else...i cant see any thing for us else...its okay...every one does their own mistake in their lives..this is urs..i cant ask u not to because i dun wanna hurt you..wen u r happy now...even wateva i said u wont mind..its okay,u shud learn...thts ur life...truthfully...i m exhausted...for ths...i hv no idea how m i to go on wif u...i m reli tired...reli..

-->othr subject/object/human
u r darn annoying..wat u mean by 'wanna let me go talk to her?'-stupid question..dont noe izzit u wan to fight wif me or wht...ths shows u dont noe me enuf ..u reli dont...'wat she mean a?muz sek zhou ma....'another darn sentence...pls...go n see urself first la....u dun think much...so i did!darn u...tat wan is fr us wan ma...-i dun wanna say anyhng bad ni..ltr offended...fr no reason..=.=-u dont noe her tat well though...i dun wanna compete...so lame....or dun wanna explain.....i explain to many humans od....tired n lazy to explain to u...i tell u ar...i dun wanna go n buat kecoh ni i din go cause a havoc...n pls la....watch ur words dude...

illusion..

Those path to be trvelled..unknown left to all of us..no exclusion..those hazy mirage..eithr as v hav hoped fr or not..doesnt matters..its kept unsure..unreal..for me..as a student of life..learn to fit in...by being myself in my own life..2 experience thngs i m not even sure...weird it seems..bt for me...its kinda...challenging..wen u hv 2 beat urself in ur very own life..especially if u hv 2 go against ur will n hopes..n unconcluded answer...for me again..i wanna let go all these i m going tru..coz by going tru tis,i felt weak n distracted..i m taking a major exam...n i nid 2 score n excel...i gotta get tat scholarship i hoped for..nvm...bt now it seems...y m i doin tis?i dont get myself..m i pretending sum1 else can save me from myself?those path i hv put myself into....how far can i move on with you making me struggle 2 let go tis illusion...i gotta wake myself up frm tis unreal path...i had once put myself into making a choice...of ths..but..now..i dun hav 2 bcoz ta fill in me has went off....how u do it but i reli cant bear wif you...i placed high hopes..bt thnk tis is ta best path for me....i dun wanna let myself deeper into tis misery which is not even maked for me..i juz drop by ur memory to leave sum remembrance..maybe thts wat v r fated for...v r friends...i cant wait tht long....bcoz i dun wan to...i gotta let go...

~path~